3 year old bedtime tantrums "one more book"

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old is pleasant up until it's time to go to sleep. Then she just wants us to read one more book, and anything else to stall. She doesn't want to be left alone and cries when we leave. What to do? She was always a good sleeper now is super clingy and whiny at bedtime.

[Anonymous]

One thing that may help is to make sure the routine is the same every night, so she knows what to expect. Decide how many books you will read each night and stick to it, even if the books are short or you want to keep reading for whatever reason. (Sorry if you are already doing this, can't tell from your post if you do sometimes read one more).

[Anonymous]

We have a pretty solid routine. However, I give in a lot more to reading more books, rather than my partner, who is more strict. Maybe that's my problem.... I am not super consistent with committing to the deals we make ("okay after this book then you go to sleep - deal?" "deal." and then she cries and goes back on her word!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a pretty solid routine. However, I give in a lot more to reading more books, rather than my partner, who is more strict. Maybe that's my problem.... I am not super consistent with committing to the deals we make ("okay after this book then you go to sleep - deal?" "deal." and then she cries and goes back on her word!

That may be your problem. Tell her before hand exactly how many books you will read and stick to it! When she begs for one more, tell her “I’m sorry! You know the rules: only 3 books. But we can read it tomorrow after breakfast.” Then leave the room. Be immune to tears. And be sure to read books at other times other than bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Ours goes thermonuclear even with a routine. Early/late bedtime changes nothing. I suspect she’s discharging excess energy from the day. Looking forward to this era passing.

[Anonymous]

I offer to let my 2 year old take the book into bed to read when he insists on one more. He usually says no and puts it back on the bookshelf.

[Anonymous]

Someone once told me NEVER to waver on the # of bedtime books, and I thought she was crazy, but now that I have a 3 year old, I know why!

I would start with a new program of a consistent bed time with no budging, and she'll learn, though I imagine you'll have hell to pay for a few days while she figures out if she can make you cave.

[Anonymous]

Very normal. You need to set a number of books and read only that number all the time no matter what. If the number is 1, fine. If it's 5, fine. It's 10, fine. But no matter what, you always do that number. I personally find it easier to do just one book because kids understand easier how many you have done, and it's less of a battle. If you want to read more, do it before the bedtime routine starts (maybe read 5 books before bath and 1 after).

Just be kind but firm. Reassure but also follow through with what you say, and don't give in to the crying.

[Anonymous]

One book, that’s it. Stick to it. Read more during the day.

[Anonymous]

My rule was three books at bedtime. But then she'd sometimes choose a book of poetry and insisted I read every single freaking poem in it along with the other two books! And she knew if I tried to skip a poem.

Of course, she later won a huge college scholarship to an excellent college based own writing her own poetry, so in retrospect, it was time well-spent.

This too, shall pass, but I do remember the bedtime separation issues. It's about that more than the number of books.

[Anonymous]

We do two books and only two books. If we don’t have much time, I’ll tell her to pick two short books, and she’s good about doing that. If it’s a chapter book or something longer but she insists on it (fairy tale book, for example) we read just one story or one chapter. You have to be strict or else the tantrums will make you crazy.

[Anonymous]

We negotiate how many books. Usually five. I count them down as I read them and the during the last book, I tell her a couple times that this is the last book. I never, ever, ever give in. She challenges the routine from time to time but I never change.

[Anonymous]

At three (and as needed now that DD #1 is almost 6) we’d do gradual check ins. “We’re stepping away for a glass of water and will be back in one minute” then two mins etc. I’d much rather stick my head in every 5 minutes until she’s asleep than lie with her / sit in her room for 15-20 mins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rule was three books at bedtime. But then she'd sometimes choose a book of poetry and insisted I read every single freaking poem in it along with the other two books! And she knew if I tried to skip a poem.

Of course, she later won a huge college scholarship to an excellent college based own writing her own poetry, so in retrospect, it was time well-spent.

This too, shall pass, but I do remember the bedtime separation issues. It's about that more than the number of books.

Yes it's definitely separation issues. And it breaks my heart! What's the research on this say? Will my kid be more secure if I stay with her until she falls asleep?

[Anonymous]

What is the cause of the separation issue - big changes in her life such as a new baby, new house, new classmates ?

B/c this isn't about reading another book, it's about not wanting you to leave.