Siblings not getting along!!

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are really at a loss...we are a close family and have a lot of family time together (ie travel, games, sports, etc). but our kids have very different personalities. They just don't get along and our always fighting with one another. The oldest has been very mean and it is getting so frustrating for all of us. We are trying our best but we don't know why this is happening. I know sibling rivalry is normal but it's happening daily now. Please help

[Anonymous]

Have you read “Siblings without Rivalry”? Very helpful to us.

[Anonymous]

What ages OP?

FWIW, my kids do better when they get some time apart. DH and I will often split up with them for various activities throughout the day. It helps them get along better when they do see each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What ages OP?

FWIW, my kids do better when they get some time apart. DH and I will often split up with them for various activities throughout the day. It helps them get along better when they do see each other.

we have tried this..they are 11 and 9 and disagree on almost everything and criticize each other too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What ages OP?

FWIW, my kids do better when they get some time apart. DH and I will often split up with them for various activities throughout the day. It helps them get along better when they do see each other.

we have tried this..they are 11 and 9 and disagree on almost everything and criticize each other too

My sister and I were like this. Oil and water. My parents had to give us as much space from each other as they could. Separate bedrooms (we had been sharing), seperate activities, friends. Of course, sometimes it’s just not possible. One thing that helped was that my parents didn’t take sides but did call out bad behavior when they saw it. As we got older, we got along better I think because we were given space.

[Anonymous]

My brother and I didn't get along as kids at all. We were super different and looking back, our mother totally drove a wedge between us in multiple ways.

Once we'd both moved out we got along much better. We're close now.

[Bella_lee]

@OP I think in most families, sibling rivalry is normal and common. However it doesn't mean it should be tolerated especially if it becomes constant and marked with meanness. It might be helpful to look for a good opportunity to hold a family conference, if possible when not much fighting has occurred to speak to them about your concerns at the disrespectful way they treat each other. You night have to help them realize that there are sometimes negative consequences for the way people behave and their actions and that means also the way family members treat each other. Here is a fantastic resource https://bit.ly/2N9qQlT about how to deal with sibling rivalry. I hope you're able to get some insight from it. All the best.