Should I reach out to former friend?

[Anonymous]

A couple years ago I broke up with a group of friends. On the whole this was a great decision but there was one group member who was not the problem and probably deserved better of me. I haven't spoken to her this whole time.

This morning I woke up with her very strongly on my mind. A *couple* times in my life I have thought of people as they needed something (or once, when they died) and I try to listen to my gut. On the other hand, my period is due and I ate a bunch of Junior Mints last night so my gut is suspect.

I am thinking of reaching out and just saying that she was suddenly on my mind and I hope all is well. Yes? No?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple years ago I broke up with a group of friends. On the whole this was a great decision but there was one group member who was not the problem and probably deserved better of me. I haven't spoken to her this whole time.

This morning I woke up with her very strongly on my mind. A *couple* times in my life I have thought of people as they needed something (or once, when they died) and I try to listen to my gut. On the other hand, my period is due and I ate a bunch of Junior Mints last night so my gut is suspect.

I am thinking of reaching out and just saying that she was suddenly on my mind and I hope all is well. Yes? No?

Sure, why not?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Absolutely. Maybe tell her what happened (does she know?) and why you broke up with the group and how she fits into that (collateral damage?).

She might be hurt and she might be angry (so expect that). Don't be pushy if she doesn't want to connect. But she might just be happy to hear from you.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Meh, people move in and out of each other's lives. If it really was meant to be, you'd end up in the same loops again. I say move on.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

She may be a bit wary of you and your intentions, but I don’t think it hurts to reach out.
How did you break up with this group of people anyway? Not trying to nitpick your reasons, I’m more curious about what this looks like in practice. Did you tell them you were stepping back on a group chat or email, or did you just stop answering their calls and texts?

[Anonymous]

What’s the downside if you do? What’s holding you back? If it’s just a fear of rejection, move past that fear and text her. If it’s more, decide if she’s worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, people move in and out of each other's lives. If it really was meant to be, you'd end up in the same loops again. I say move on.

same. I wouldnt

[Anonymous]

I would if she wasn't the problem person. But, I'd start small --thinking of you -- and see how she reacts.

[Anonymous]

Sure, I would OP. There's really nothing to lose at this point anyway right? And if you're intuition is accurate then it might mean something to her to hear from you now.

[Anonymous]

I would wait a week or two after having your period before deciding what to do here.

I try not to make important decisions around my menses because truthfully - I am too much of a hot mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wait a week or two after having your period before deciding what to do here.

I try not to make important decisions around my menses because truthfully - I am too much of a hot mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wait a week or two after having your period before deciding what to do here.

I try not to make important decisions around my menses because truthfully - I am too much of a hot mess.

That's you. Not all of us are so ruled by hormones that we can't make any decisions if it is the wrong time of the month.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who "dropped" a group of us several years ago for reasons unclear. We had been inseparable for years. It was incredibly hurtful at the time for all of us and while there was a window of time I'd have let her back in, if she came to me now (there's no reason to think she would) I wouldn't be interested.