"No friends" - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

My daughter is in middle school and has anxiety - she is currently on Prozac which helps somewhat, and also goes to therapy regularly. She was snubbed by her long time friends at the end of the last school year, and now finds herself alone. She is very introverted, and I think she doesn't remember how to make friends since she had those friends since early elementary school.

I have talked to her about being patient, that you can't make new friends overnight. She loves school except for the social aspects. If she had just one person that she could call a friend, that would make me feel much better.

Is there any other guidance I can give her to get her through this tough time?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Can the counselor for her grade make a lunch bunch for her or get her a lunch buddy? This has been helpful for my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Can she get involved in some clubs?

Choir and theater are both good places for a kid to find their people. So are clubs like newspaper or yearbook.

What about an activity outside of school where she can make friends who don't go to her school, like dance class? That was a lifesaver for my sister who was bullied and friendless in middle school.

Reach out to the team teachers and counselors too so they can help her and look out for her.

[Anonymous]

OP - Middle School is such a hard time for all. I would also see if there is any sort of a volunteer club at the MS as it is likely to have members who may be more supportive. Also if you attend a church regularly see if you can engage her in activities there with youth group or a choir group. If you do not go to any domination, then ask around for churches who may have such programs. Is she interested in any activity around which participation in a local community program might be an entre into friendships. Is there any individual friend from last year that she might to go to a specific activity with her with perhaps a quick dinner or treat afterwards such as performance of some sort with limited need for talking, but the setting before or after to do so.

There also seem to be in the DMV programs such a social skills classes or girls groups that she might gain some skills from in making friends and perhaps assertiveness training a bit. In terms of building her self-confidence, too, you might look to see if she could take a sitter class as she is about the age so that she could then look to be a Mom's helper or volunteer in that way at her church. While not in line of making friends, it may help her develop self-confidence in a non-threatening peer-to-peer situation where she would be gaining skills to help in MS social scene, too.

[Anonymous]

As a middle school teacher, I can attest to middle school girl dynamics can be hurtful and anxiety-producing. All the suggestions seem reasonable and might help your daughter. Also, have you considered WyldLife, a middle school youth group run as part of Young Life, an international Christian organization. It is not part of a specific church. I offers fun, safe, faith-centered activities which help middle schoolers find their purposes and experience life more fully. You might want to check if there is one in your area. This organization provided positive role models, friends, and activities for my own children, when both were experiencing negative social interactions with "friends" in school. Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP, I feel for your girl. I was an introverted middle schooler shunned by my group of friends. What helped was having outside activities where I could see that not EVERYONE was mean and hateful to me. Having a fresh group of friends or even friendly acquaintances at figure skating and my church group reassured me that I did have value, and that it was just this particular group of kids that did not want to be with me. Things got much much better in high school. Best wishes, OP's daughter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a middle school teacher, I can attest to middle school girl dynamics can be hurtful and anxiety-producing. All the suggestions seem reasonable and might help your daughter. Also, have you considered WyldLife, a middle school youth group run as part of Young Life, an international Christian organization. It is not part of a specific church. I offers fun, safe, faith-centered activities which help middle schoolers find their purposes and experience life more fully. You might want to check if there is one in your area. This organization provided positive role models, friends, and activities for my own children, when both were experiencing negative social interactions with "friends" in school. Hope this helps.

PP, do you have to be religious or a practicing Christian to join? We are a mixed faith family and haven’t been practicing either religion but my middle school DD is open and did enjoy her experience in a Christian basketball league. I’m jewish but am comfortable with my DD becoming involved with such a group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a middle school teacher, I can attest to middle school girl dynamics can be hurtful and anxiety-producing. All the suggestions seem reasonable and might help your daughter. Also, have you considered WyldLife, a middle school youth group run as part of Young Life, an international Christian organization. It is not part of a specific church. I offers fun, safe, faith-centered activities which help middle schoolers find their purposes and experience life more fully. You might want to check if there is one in your area. This organization provided positive role models, friends, and activities for my own children, when both were experiencing negative social interactions with "friends" in school. Hope this helps.

PP, do you have to be religious or a practicing Christian to join? We are a mixed faith family and haven’t been practicing either religion but my middle school DD is open and did enjoy her experience in a Christian basketball league. I’m jewish but am comfortable with my DD becoming involved with such a group.

NP. It is definitely a Christian group - there will be a certain amount of prayers and such - probably more so than a basketball league. Members are usually protestant.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you that in our area of Virginia that Young Life has always been strong, though our older girls were not involved. About a decade ago a program for special needs teens called Capernaum was introduced to the community, and it ended up serving young adults twice a month into their mid-20s because Itbwas so much fun and met a social need. A couple of years ago, the YL state folks said programming had to stop at 22 so a large church picked up the program concert for young adults. It is year-round once a month with dinner most times and continues to be great. it has teen, college, young single adults and some coup,E's with young children volunteering and other church members providing the food.

Here YoungbLifevCaoernaum serves all faiths and all disabilities as they will match a one to one peer as needed. The evening is very structured and the themes are seasonal much if the time. The focus I woukd say is good basic values and not evangelizing. I second the poster that most members in a typical YL MS or HS program would likely be wholesome kids. The program is led by area college kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a middle school teacher, I can attest to middle school girl dynamics can be hurtful and anxiety-producing. All the suggestions seem reasonable and might help your daughter. Also, have you considered WyldLife, a middle school youth group run as part of Young Life, an international Christian organization. It is not part of a specific church. I offers fun, safe, faith-centered activities which help middle schoolers find their purposes and experience life more fully. You might want to check if there is one in your area. This organization provided positive role models, friends, and activities for my own children, when both were experiencing negative social interactions with "friends" in school. Hope this helps.

PP, do you have to be religious or a practicing Christian to join? We are a mixed faith family and haven’t been practicing either religion but my middle school DD is open and did enjoy her experience in a Christian basketball league. I’m jewish but am comfortable with my DD becoming involved with such a group.

Jewish PP you should check out friendship circle - your DD could volunteer

[Anonymous]

I joined Young Life as a teen and so did my sister. My family has a mixed religious background and we never went to church and didn't identify with any religion. YL welcomed us and didn't care. That said, it is religious so as long as you are comfortable with that, you will be fine.