PK4 name calling - is this bullying?

[Anonymous]

DD is in PK4 at one of the DC Montessori charter schools. She attended the same school last year and was excited to go back. Suddenly last week, she started getting major anxiety about going into the classroom, and we couldn't figure out why. She would only tell us that one child wasn't her friend anymore. Then this morning on the way to school, she told us that a few of the kids have been calling her names, primarily "crybaby". We did talk about standing up for herself when that happens, and I plan on talking to her more this evening, but I am debating with myself on the next step. Do I let her try to work it out herself, or should I give the teachers a heads up and ask if they have noticed anything to prevent it from escalating? I don't want to be the overprotective parent, but I also know that this could possibly be considered preschool-bullying behavior and schools sometimes want to know right away.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you talk to the teachers about this? Not wanting to go to school is a problem they should be aware of!

[Anonymous]

We are at a Montessori charter also, and I know our guide would definitely want it flagged and would want to address as a part of their "grace and courtesy" curriculum.

Is she picking up on the nervousness/crying of the littler ones? Mine did that--we had a mini regression in PK4 when our child realized the crying small children got the most attention and she wanted some too

[Anonymous]

Definitely talk to her teacher about this and ask what is she seeing in the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are at a Montessori charter also, and I know our guide would definitely want it flagged and would want to address as a part of their "grace and courtesy" curriculum.

Is she picking up on the nervousness/crying of the littler ones? Mine did that--we had a mini regression in PK4 when our child realized the crying small children got the most attention and she wanted some too

OP here. We wondered if that was part of it, but we couldn't get much information out of her until she mentioned the name-calling thing this morning. I appreciate the feedback! I know that name-calling can be a part of normal child development, and we didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. FWIW, we don't have any trouble getting her out of the house in the morning, or even into school itself. The anxiety starts literally when she has to walk into the classroom.

[Anonymous]

We were at Breakthrough and my child’s guide wanted to know if there were issues during before care or times when she wasn’t with the class. Guides do incorporate social emotional learning into everything. Please tell the guide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at a Montessori charter also, and I know our guide would definitely want it flagged and would want to address as a part of their "grace and courtesy" curriculum.

Is she picking up on the nervousness/crying of the littler ones? Mine did that--we had a mini regression in PK4 when our child realized the crying small children got the most attention and she wanted some too

OP here. We wondered if that was part of it, but we couldn't get much information out of her until she mentioned the name-calling thing this morning. I appreciate the feedback! I know that name-calling can be a part of normal child development, and we didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. FWIW, we don't have any trouble getting her out of the house in the morning, or even into school itself. The anxiety starts literally when she has to walk into the classroom.

Which means she does not see her classroom as a safe place which is a huge problem. You absolutely have to talk the teacher about this. Make the teacher aware that the anxiety begins when entering her classroom

[Anonymous]

We are at Lamb. Tell the guide. They will handle it gracefully.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all! Very helpful. I am sending an email to the teachers now and will speak with them in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Tell the other kids’ parents too!!! I would want to have a talk with my kid if they were being mean to a classmate!

[Anonymous]

Don't use the word "bullying." We're talking about preschoolers. Just let the teachers know that your child has reported that some children are calling her names and ask them if they can keep an eye out for that kind of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the other kids’ parents too!!! I would want to have a talk with my kid if they were being mean to a classmate!

IME, this will usually backfire. Parents don't actually want to hear that their kid is being mean, and they will make excuses, blame your child, and just generally be jerks about it. I wouldn't say anything to the other parents.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's bullying but I don't think it's acceptable and you should certainly speak with the teachers. It's not OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the other kids’ parents too!!! I would want to have a talk with my kid if they were being mean to a classmate!

IME, this will usually backfire. Parents don't actually want to hear that their kid is being mean, and they will make excuses, blame your child, and just generally be jerks about it. I wouldn't say anything to the other parents.

Unless you know the other parents somewhat well. I agree personally I'd like to know. Another option is, the teacher can mention is to the other parents. You can just ask them when you talk to them if they will - if not, don't push it.

[Anonymous]

I think that parents of young children need to make a distinction in their mind between conflicts that children have and "bullying" which is a pattern of conflict between children. I hear this all the time, and I think it really minimizes what actual bullying is. Not everyone is going to be nice all the time, and teaching children to manage social conflict is important. When a child is being bullied, there is almost always a power differential at play - an unpopular child being targeted by a group of more popular children repeatedly for harassment.

I think that what is happening to your child at school is awful though and agree with everyone else that you should speak to the guide about it.