Tips for coping when you're at the beginning of this journey

[Anonymous]

My husband and I realized a year of trying had quickly gone by, with no results and both of us getting older. Finally decided to get some preliminary tests done. My blood tests and hsg were all normal. His tests showed very low morphology, 1%.
Thinking of everything that is likely before us if we want to have one child, let alone the more than one I had always imagined, is really hard. I don't want to vent my frustrations to him, as I'm sure he already is feeling bad. It's hard thinking that my body is so ready right now, and might not be for much longer, and every month that passes is harder and harder.
Anyone in a similar situation, how do deal with this in a healthy way? How do you keep it from taking over your relationship? How do you keep your frustrations in check?
There's so much good technical advice on here, but a little less technical advice is also much appreciated!

[Anonymous]

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's very hard, and I found it very hard on my marriage as well. My advice would be to go straight to IVF. Don't waste time on IUI. Since everything seems good on your side, you could do natural cycle IVF much more economically (I paid around $5k). As my RE pointed out, you only need one sperm.

I would wholeheartedly recommend Dr. DiMattina at Dominion Fertility. I also really liked Dr. Gordon, but Dr. D was my main doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Old enough to be worried! Mid thirties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you are going through this. It's very hard, and I found it very hard on my marriage as well. My advice would be to go straight to IVF. Don't waste time on IUI. Since everything seems good on your side, you could do natural cycle IVF much more economically (I paid around $5k). As my RE pointed out, you only need one sperm.

I would wholeheartedly recommend Dr. DiMattina at Dominion Fertility. I also really liked Dr. Gordon, but Dr. D was my main doctor.

Thanks for all the advice Was there anything that you found made it harder/easier on your marriage?

[Anonymous]

My husband also has low morphology. I'm pretty sure that will put you in the unexplained bucket and I also recall the doc told us that it's definitely still possible to get pregnant "naturally" with those numbers, particularly if your DH has a normal to high-ish sperm count (which my DH did).

So my first piece of advice is let go of any idea in your head that it's his "fault". Not saying you're going there. But don't go there. Not even in your own mind because it will come out in other ways. Something about the two of you together isn't getting the job done. Period.

I'm a take charge person and my anxiety and frustrations are allayed by having a plan and taking action. So the following is what worked for me. Have a plan and take it day by day and be as proactive as possible. Advocate for yourself. Educate yourself. Do everything within your power and then be kind to yourself about the outcome, whatever it is. The reality is this is on you. Yes, your partner should and can be supportive and can assist along the way. But you are the captain of this team for this endeavor. Treat it like a part-time job.

[Anonymous]

Are you in the DC area?

[Anonymous]

I was so hung up on my children being conceived in a petri dish, and this made it hard for me to move to IVF. Then, when you're in the cycle, there are so many hurdles to overcome that you are always focused on the one right in front of you, which is easier in some ways. There are a lot of ups and downs. You will become closer as a couple as you learn to handle the stress and the grieving together. My best advice is to have your partner be in charge of the shots so that he has a role to play during treatment. I also had my DH interface with our nurse for our DC1 because it was too stressful for me. Remember that your husband is going through everything you're going through, but there is more focus on you as the person undergoing treatment. He may also feel responsible for the situation you're in (my DH felt inadequate even though our infertility was caused by my medical issue). Agree with advice to go straight to IVF. You will have concrete evidence with IVF of what things are working and what is not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I realized a year of trying had quickly gone by, with no results and both of us getting older. Finally decided to get some preliminary tests done. My blood tests and hsg were all normal. His tests showed very low morphology, 1%.
Thinking of everything that is likely before us if we want to have one child, let alone the more than one I had always imagined, is really hard. I don't want to vent my frustrations to him, as I'm sure he already is feeling bad. It's hard thinking that my body is so ready right now, and might not be for much longer, and every month that passes is harder and harder.
Anyone in a similar situation, how do deal with this in a healthy way? How do you keep it from taking over your relationship? How do you keep your frustrations in check?
There's so much good technical advice on here, but a little less technical advice is also much appreciated!

You are me 17 years ago. With 1 IVF/ICSI cycle (one fresh, one FET) I have a 17 year old Senior and a 12 yr old Middle Schooler. Both dear daughters. Good luck! I found acupuncture helped and wish I had added in yoga for stress relief. Be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in your same situation - great blood work and HSG for me, and my husband's morphology was 1%, plus low motility (but high count).

Have you seen an RE yet? If not, I would book that appointment very soon. My OBGYN was not reassuring at all, but my RE made both me and my husband feel positive about our next steps. Basically, my advice is to take action and include your DH in that process.

Best of luck and know that many others have been in your shoes and are now moms. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Go to counselling- Lindsey Hoskins

Realize that you two will internalize this in different ways.

Believe, really believe, that you will get pregnant and you will do it together, literally.

Make sure you both talk about everything and both really work on listening.

This will test your marriage---and it will make it stronger if you let it.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Thank you, everyone. It really helps so much to hear a few hopeful stories and to get some real tips on keeping our relationship healthy. Just a few words from you all have gotten me back on track! ?

[Anonymous]

Just follow the process one step at a time. When you feel discouraged... just keep your eye on the prize. I had multiple hurdles to conceiving : PCOS, thyroid disorder and DH sperm. You will do what you need to do to conceive. So nang women are dealing with this alongside you.

We had three children in my 30’s: twins via IVF and then a surprise baby conceived naturally when twins were less than a year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just follow the process one step at a time. When you feel discouraged... just keep your eye on the prize. I had multiple hurdles to conceiving : PCOS, thyroid disorder and DH sperm. You will do what you need to do to conceive. So nang women are dealing with this alongside you.

We had three children in my 30’s: twins via IVF and then a surprise baby conceived naturally when twins were less than a year old.

many*

[Anonymous]

My husband also had 1% morphology and I had PCOS and therefore didn’t ovulate without medication. We did IUI and it didn’t work and chose not to pursue IVF. As it turned out, we adopted and I got pregnant very unexpectedly shortly after.