How do I politely tell my friend this?

[Anonymous]

She has been there for me massively during a tough period in my life. I no longer text her daily or ask to see her so much because of the fact that she seems quiet and distant around me. She is going through her own tough time now but her behavior around me is telling me she doesn't need me which is why I have backed off. Apparently now I am a bad friend for not realising.
How so I politely tell her I don't read minds?

[Anonymous]

Maybe a verbal offer of help when you knew she was having problems? Honestly you do sound like a user.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has been there for me massively during a tough period in my life. I no longer text her daily or ask to see her so much because of the fact that she seems quiet and distant around me. She is going through her own tough time now but her behavior around me is telling me she doesn't need me which is why I have backed off. Apparently now I am a bad friend for not realising.
How so I politely tell her I don't read minds?

She is being quiet and distant because she is going through some stuff. Your response to that was to back off, whereas her response when you were (probably) behaving similarly was to lean in and support you.

You don't tell her that you can't read minds. You apologize for not being there for her and ask her what you can do for her today. Or else you say nothing and let the friendship fizzle.

[Anonymous]

I have told her I am there for her before. Her behavior as I said is quiet and distant around me making me feel she doesn't need me. I can't be expected to read her mind.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this from the perspective of your friend.I am distancing myself because I find you draining and selfish. I’m cool with being cool not close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has been there for me massively during a tough period in my life. I no longer text her daily or ask to see her so much because of the fact that she seems quiet and distant around me. She is going through her own tough time now but her behavior around me is telling me she doesn't need me which is why I have backed off. Apparently now I am a bad friend for not realising.
How so I politely tell her I don't read minds?

She is being quiet and distant because she is going through some stuff. Your response to that was to back off, whereas her response when you were (probably) behaving similarly was to lean in and support you.

You don't tell her that you can't read minds. You apologize for not being there for her and ask her what you can do for her today. Or else you say nothing and let the friendship fizzle.

I agree with this but I think you should not be a user. Apologize, apologize and apologize. Be there for her now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have told her I am there for her before. Her behavior as I said is quiet and distant around me making me feel she doesn't need me. I can't be expected to read her mind.

Saying you’re there for her doesn’t help her. Make specific offers to help. Not “call me if you ever need anything.” Don’t make her ask you to be her friend. Acknowledge her situation, apologize for misreading her signals, ask if she needs a night out to take her mind off things, or helps with a specific task, or a sitter so she can do whatever she needs. It’s hard to offer specific suggestions for how to help without knowing what her situation is, but presumably you know more and can figure out a way to help.

[Anonymous]

I was never quiet and distant with her when I was struggling.
I just think it isn't right to accuse me of ditching her in her time of need when I have said I will be there for her and all her signals have shown that she doesn't want me around.
Perhaps I should let this friendship just fizzle out as it clearly isn't healthy

[Anonymous]

I think you should be patient with her. Not everybody reacts in the same way to tough times. She may be more introvert than you and find hard to share her struggles even if it seems she was able to find a way to support you in the past. In other words it may not be about you or your friendship. Some people just feel safe in withdrawing. Don’t get discouraged and without being pushy send her a message once in a while until she feels ready to share with you her struggles.

[Anonymous]

You apologize for not being there for her the way she needed you rather than painting yourself as the victim.

[Anonymous]

You don’t seem open to the idea that you could be doing things differently. What works with one person doesn’t work with another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was never quiet and distant with her when I was struggling.
I just think it isn't right to accuse me of ditching her in her time of need when I have said I will be there for her and all her signals have shown that she doesn't want me around.
Perhaps I should let this friendship just fizzle out as it clearly isn't healthy

You sound like an awful friend, OP. Because she doesn't react like you react, you're going to cut her off when you know she's struggling and label the friendship unhealthy to justify it?

[Anonymous]

Many people pull away when they are having a hard time. A good friend would continue to reach out and not worry about the lack of response. She was there for you. You are selfish.

[Anonymous]

You share with her what you have said here.

[Anonymous]

Strangers shouldn't know more of your thoughts than a good friend.