SIL having embryo transfer. Should I send flowers?

[Anonymous]

All,
My SIL is getting a healthy embryo transferred on Friday after a multi-year run of fertility issues. She has a great uterus just bad tubes so they are very hopeful this will work. I am one of only a couple people in her life who know it is happening and I do not live near her. She suffers from anxiety and depression and she has had to come off her meds for this process so she isn't in her best mental state. My inclination is to send her flowers on implantation day. Good idea or bad idea? She is a gift giver who is very thoughtful to others. Any suggestions for the note that goes with it?... I am stumped.

In case it matters: I am also pregnant (with number 2) and she is the only family member that knows. She and my brother started trying at the same time we did with our first, who is now almost 3. We will be announcing our pregnancy in another week or so when I start the second trimester. She doesn't plan to tell family anything until she is 12+ weeks along with a pregnancy as well, so no announcement for a while.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know that I’d send flowers, but I would send a little note wishing her luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All,
My SIL is getting a healthy embryo transferred on Friday after a multi-year run of fertility issues. She has a great uterus just bad tubes so they are very hopeful this will work. I am one of only a couple people in her life who know it is happening and I do not live near her. She suffers from anxiety and depression and she has had to come off her meds for this process so she isn't in her best mental state. My inclination is to send her flowers on implantation day. Good idea or bad idea? She is a gift giver who is very thoughtful to others. Any suggestions for the note that goes with it?... I am stumped.

In case it matters: I am also pregnant (with number 2) and she is the only family member that knows. She and my brother started trying at the same time we did with our first, who is now almost 3. We will be announcing our pregnancy in another week or so when I start the second trimester. She doesn't plan to tell family anything until she is 12+ weeks along with a pregnancy as well, so no announcement for a while.

I would send a note, like PP said, just something simple like thinking of you. One word of caution, transfer does not mean implantation. The embryo would not implant the day it is transferred. Also, we hope transferred embryos implant, but there is no guarantee. It may seem minor, but infertility terminology can matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All,
My SIL is getting a healthy embryo transferred on Friday after a multi-year run of fertility issues. She has a great uterus just bad tubes so they are very hopeful this will work. I am one of only a couple people in her life who know it is happening and I do not live near her. She suffers from anxiety and depression and she has had to come off her meds for this process so she isn't in her best mental state. My inclination is to send her flowers on implantation day. Good idea or bad idea? She is a gift giver who is very thoughtful to others. Any suggestions for the note that goes with it?... I am stumped.

In case it matters: I am also pregnant (with number 2) and she is the only family member that knows. She and my brother started trying at the same time we did with our first, who is now almost 3. We will be announcing our pregnancy in another week or so when I start the second trimester. She doesn't plan to tell family anything until she is 12+ weeks along with a pregnancy as well, so no announcement for a while.

I would send a note, like PP said, just something simple like thinking of you. One word of caution, transfer does not mean implantation. The embryo would not implant the day it is transferred. Also, we hope transferred embryos implant, but there is no guarantee. It may seem minor, but infertility terminology can matter.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

IVF 6 time vet here- no flowers. Don’t make it into a huge deal- just a note saying you’re thinking about her and wishing her good luck. Just because an embryo gets transferred does not mean it will implant, develop a heartbeat or turn into a live birth- it’s just a step in a process.

[Anonymous]

Please don't send flowers. We had 6 failed IVF transfers before we had success. This is just the first step. Just a text/call will do.

[Anonymous]

For perspective, even if you're a young, the chances of each embryo resulting in a live birth are more like 50%, so it might take them multiple tries. They won't necessarily want to overhype this. Just text on transfer day to say that you're thinking of them and that you're here for them if they want to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't send flowers. We had 6 failed IVF transfers before we had success. This is just the first step. Just a text/call will do.

+1. this is not a big production territory. Save flowers for when she actually gets pregnant. For transfer just stay supportive but low key. Ask if she'd like anything special for a take out or to go watch a movie to take her mind off things.

[Anonymous]

no. I would call her the night before or the afternoon after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't send flowers. We had 6 failed IVF transfers before we had success. This is just the first step. Just a text/call will do.

+1. this is not a big production territory. Save flowers for when she actually gets pregnant. For transfer just stay supportive but low key. Ask if she'd like anything special for a take out or to go watch a movie to take her mind off things.

Agree with both of these posts.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I appreciated everyone's insight.

This wasn't a typical transfer in that it was done with an adopted embryo. They got a BFN today... My brother told me they probably won't try again as it was very expensive to get the embryo. I am heartbroken for them as this may be the end of the road (for pregnancy). Like I said before, I am pregnant with my second.... is there anything I can do from far away to support them in their grief?

[Anonymous]

Probably not as a pregnant person, at least not directly and immediately. I'm sure you expressed sympathy to your brother, who can pass it along if he thinks it would help. Space would be what I'd want. You'll have time to express condolences later after she's had time to process initially.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to hear this, OP.