Affair recovery stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we married DH told me that if I ever had an affair he did not want me to tell him. He said it was selfish to hurt the other person with that information.

I have the same agreement with my spouse. I only want to know if they are planning on leaving me. I wonder if we are in a silent majority. What do I gain by finding out, other than the pain described above and the daunting decision to divorce or live with it

Or the daunting discovery at your annual Gyn visit that you have an STD. Wtf? Zero self-respect to put up with that crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we married DH told me that if I ever had an affair he did not want me to tell him. He said it was selfish to hurt the other person with that information.

I have the same agreement with my spouse. I only want to know if they are planning on leaving me. I wonder if we are in a silent majority. What do I gain by finding out, other than the pain described above and the daunting decision to divorce or live with it

Or the daunting discovery at your annual Gyn visit that you have an STD. Wtf? Zero self-respect to put up with that crap.

Smh women are so stupid. They trust way too easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recovered the texts and learned that DH entirely lied about the extent and nature of the affair. He also claimed he’d come clean on his own because he wanted to be honest and was working on being a better person. What crap! The AP had threatened to tell me if he didn’t. The affair and then the lies were too much.

If he cheated he is prone to lying and being immoral. Never trust that motherfcker

[Anonymous]

OP here, to the person with a 24 year marriage, I would love to find a way to talk off the forum. As far as the AP’s husband, I have not spoken with him because DH is absolutely certain he knows. They met in the known context that DH was sleeping with the wife. AP and her husband also may have been looking for other partners which makes this a bit different from the average story and also may have ltd the emotional impact overall. Agree re STD testing. I am fine but it is a must and my gyn reassured me that this is a very very common experience among her patients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to the person with a 24 year marriage, I would love to find a way to talk off the forum. As far as the AP’s husband, I have not spoken with him because DH is absolutely certain he knows. They met in the known context that DH was sleeping with the wife. AP and her husband also may have been looking for other partners which makes this a bit different from the average story and also may have ltd the emotional impact overall. Agree re STD testing. I am fine but it is a must and my gyn reassured me that this is a very very common experience among her patients.

Yes. It would definitely help to talk to another woman who is recently going through this. I’d also love to hear your spouse’s treatment plan and share what mine has been doing as well since their backgrounds/reasons are so similar. If you have an email I could connect with you from there. Make a fake one like cheaters do so no trace. It would be nice to follow and check in with somebody else potentially reconciling and have somebody to bounce concerns along the way through this difficult process.

[Anonymous]

OP here, to the person with a 24 year marriage, I would love to find a way to talk off the forum. As far as the AP’s husband, I have not spoken with him because DH is absolutely certain he knows. They met in the known context that DH was sleeping with the wife. AP and her husband also may have been looking for other partners which makes this a bit different from the average story and also may have ltd the emotional impact overall. Agree re STD testing. I am fine but it is a must and my gyn reassured me that this is a very very common experience among her patients.

Of course DH is “certain” that the AP’s spouse knows. That’s laughable. DH is a known liar and may be interested in protecting his AP. If the AP’s spouse already knows, what harm is there in reaching out to confirm that? Do the right thing. Tell the other spouse so he can protect himself physically, financially, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to the person with a 24 year marriage, I would love to find a way to talk off the forum. As far as the AP’s husband, I have not spoken with him because DH is absolutely certain he knows. They met in the known context that DH was sleeping with the wife. AP and her husband also may have been looking for other partners which makes this a bit different from the average story and also may have ltd the emotional impact overall. Agree re STD testing. I am fine but it is a must and my gyn reassured me that this is a very very common experience among her patients.

Yes. It would definitely help to talk to another woman who is recently going through this. I’d also love to hear your spouse’s treatment plan and share what mine has been doing as well since their backgrounds/reasons are so similar. If you have an email I could connect with you from there. Make a fake one like cheaters do so no trace. It would be nice to follow and check in with somebody else potentially reconciling and have somebody to bounce concerns along the way through this difficult process.

Try [e-mail]

[Anonymous]

^ got it. Will email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again we witness the emotional absurdity of Americans. Your spouse had an affair. They feel remorse. They chose to have children with you. They chose to share finances with you. They chose a home with you.

How addicted are Americans to the Disney fairytales that you believe one person can satisfy your every need in a marriage? Sometimes sex is just..sex. Obviously there is so emotion involved. Most people aren’t emotionless psychos.

Move on.

Have you ever been cheated on? It does a number on your self esteem, your trust, and a slap in the face of reality of how this person you loved and held to a high standard was a rat or a snake you trusted and thought was innocent all the while he was hooking up with chubby and big ass women he said he hated and lacked curves.

Get revenge cheated women. It's sweet, satisfactory, and out that mf'er to everyone.

There are people that can help you but I suspect you like being the way you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he come fully clean. Given you a timeline, full access to emails, texts, call logs? Sat for a polygraph?

My ex did this except the polygraph. He still cheated again.

That’s my fear.

Did he ever do heavy duty individual counseling?

No. Tell him to admit his cheating to his family and friends and those close to him and listen to him tell them how remorseful he is. He'll be humiliated into thinking twice of doing it again.

Yep. Already did that. And he put himself in very heavy duty counseling to address childhood trauma. 2 therapists and a group session. Having to face his mother, aunt and cousin that is like a brother to both of us was sobering for him.

I really believe in exposure. They thrive on their secrets. They justify and compartmentalizations (male and female cheaters). They believe they aren’t hurting anyone because they are arrogant enough to believe they will never get caught. They have no idea the psychological damage they inflict on their spouses and children. A-holes

Are you sure you’re not the one tormenting your kids? Your family and friends? Be honest.

[Anonymous]

The kids know nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ got it. Will email.

Sorry- traveling. Will get in touch tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, to the person with a 24 year marriage, I would love to find a way to talk off the forum. As far as the AP’s husband, I have not spoken with him because DH is absolutely certain he knows. They met in the known context that DH was sleeping with the wife. AP and her husband also may have been looking for other partners which makes this a bit different from the average story and also may have ltd the emotional impact overall. Agree re STD testing. I am fine but it is a must and my gyn reassured me that this is a very very common experience among her patients.

Of course DH is “certain” that the AP’s spouse knows. That’s laughable. DH is a known liar and may be interested in protecting his AP. If the AP’s spouse already knows, what harm is there in reaching out to confirm that? Do the right thing. Tell the other spouse so he can protect himself physically, financially, etc.

+100

[Anonymous]

op here — for those who are urging me ro tell AP’s spouse, I am considering it but there are many reasons here for me to believe that the affair was part of a fantasy for him and that he knew about it and was part of looking for additional men. So, yes, the risks are huge health wise but I am not sure the ethics for me are exactly the same as if it was a more traditional situation. But I am considering it seriously — just a note that his wife does have intercourse with men without protection in case he wants to use precaution. That is a good idea. My heart is so full of anger at him as well as his wife that it has felt more complicated. Thx for understanding. Maybe I can find a third party to do it.

[Anonymous]

^ Please find some way yo do it. Please. Wouldn’t you have appreciated it? Do it anonymously, have a friend do it, whatever. Right now, you are complicit in the lies.