Do you make separate dinner for your kids? Or do they eat what you eat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - we started easy tonight. We were already planning on making pizza so I offered pizza and strawberries with milk. Older kid ate everything. Younger kid at two bites of strawberries. She hasn’t eaten since 10am so I thought she might be hungry. Nope nothing. Then went outside to play for 1.5 hours came inside and got ready for bed. I am sure she will be hungry in the morning but at this point it’s a battle of wills. She will hold out for a while I am sure. I am assuming the next week or two will be milk and water with an occasional bite of fruit. Fingers crossed she starts eating real food because I am certainly not making chicken nuggets for dinner.

Don't starve your kid!!! Did you read the Ellyn Satter book or just do this based on what people posted? Read the book.

I don't get this. Ellyn Satter says it's the parent's job to provide the when and what of food and the kid's job to eat. That's exactly what OP is doing, not "starving" her child.

The division of responsibility in feeding (sDOR) encourages you to take leadership with the what, when, and where of feeding and let your child determine how much and whether to eat of what you provide.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest that this is maybe not the time to make dramatic changes given how much our lives have rapidly changed. I would do more incremental changes. Offer a smaller portion of the preferred food alongside what everyone else is eating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're picky eaters because you feed them separately, not the other way around.

I disagree with this. My parents never made separate meals, and I was a very picky eater. DH and I agreed before having kids that we were not going to fight with our kids about food. We have two kids, raised together. One eats everything - more than I do, actually - and the other one eats pretty limited range of foods. My picky eater had a host of mild to moderate sensory issues as a young child. She’s grown out of most of them, but still has food issues around smell, texture, and taste. We’ve worked around it with a variety of strategies:

- Meal planning. My child will easily revert to eating only one preferred food, so we do menus for the week. We have allowed her to make her own choices since age 4, within guidelines we set. It’s easier for her to plan a variety of balanced meals when she is not hungry. Every lunch and dinner must include a main course/protein, fruit, and vegetable. None of these can repeat more than twice in a week (so, no PB&J at every meal).

- Snacking. Snacks are limited to fruit, cheese, nuts, etc. We don’t keep junk food in the house. If anyone is hungry close to meal time, they can either eat early, if the food is ready, or eat their vegetable. (We eat a lot of raw veggies, so this generally works for us.) This is for everyone, not just our picky one.

- Shopping. We shop based on the menu and make sure we have plenty of the foods she will eat.

- Cooking. If we are making a pasta or rice dish, we will leave some plain for her. Otherwise, we have taught her to prepare the meals she eats. She is responsible for getting them on the table by meal time. She needed help with some things when she was younger, but is now pretty capable.

- Flexibility when eating out, whether at a restaurant or someone else’s house. If we eat out, she is free to eat or not eat whatever is available. If she is polite and does not complain, she can have dessert, even if she hasn’t eaten anything else. We do not select restaurants based on her preferences. (It took us a long time and a lot of frustration to get to this point, but now it works well for us.)

As with many areas of parenting, you don’t have nearly as much control over your kids’ food issues as you think you do. All these folks patting themselves on the back for making their kids good eaters are really just lucky to have good eaters. On the other hand, your 3-year-old only knows the foods you expose her to, so if you don’t like what she’s eating, give her different choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest that this is maybe not the time to make dramatic changes given how much our lives have rapidly changed. I would do more incremental changes. Offer a smaller portion of the preferred food alongside what everyone else is eating

+1. Absolutely. Don’t make this time harder on your kids than it needs to be.

[Anonymous]

Most people do not know how to cook in this country. I am amazed at how narrow the food choices of children and adults are in most households. I am not surprised that food is an issue.

My kids have different tastes but both like what we cook. Food should provide comfort and joy. Mainly good cooking needs some effort, imagination and expertise. You can't steam veggies and put a dollop of butter and some salt and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

I also disagree to a point that all picky eaters are created. Yes, most might be, but not all. Grandma cooked for me and my sister. I ate everything, but hated milk, so no big deal. I ate chicken livers with onions as a young kids, that kind of not picky and eating everything. Lettuce with vinegar kind of not picky. Sister ate nothing. She was not offered anything different. She refused to eat. She had colitis and major gastro issues.
But, yes, many are created, I wonder if it is that parents are picky eaters themselves?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe people have time for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be honest — I cook separate meals for them about half of the times I cook. I mean, I am not going to force my kids to eat scallops or seared rate tuna if they don’t want to.

It seems kind of mean to have scallops and seared rare tuna and not give your kids any. Those things are delicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be honest — I cook separate meals for them about half of the times I cook. I mean, I am not going to force my kids to eat scallops or seared rate tuna if they don’t want to.

It seems kind of mean to have scallops and seared rare tuna and not give your kids any. Those things are delicious.

She didnt say she wouldnt give them any, she said she would not force then to eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - we started easy tonight. We were already planning on making pizza so I offered pizza and strawberries with milk. Older kid ate everything. Younger kid at two bites of strawberries. She hasn’t eaten since 10am so I thought she might be hungry. Nope nothing. Then went outside to play for 1.5 hours came inside and got ready for bed. I am sure she will be hungry in the morning but at this point it’s a battle of wills. She will hold out for a while I am sure. I am assuming the next week or two will be milk and water with an occasional bite of fruit. Fingers crossed she starts eating real food because I am certainly not making chicken nuggets for dinner.

Don't starve your kid!!! Did you read the Ellyn Satter book or just do this based on what people posted? Read the book.

I don't get this. Ellyn Satter says it's the parent's job to provide the when and what of food and the kid's job to eat. That's exactly what OP is doing, not "starving" her child.

The division of responsibility in feeding (sDOR) encourages you to take leadership with the what, when, and where of feeding and let your child determine how much and whether to eat of what you provide.

Exactly.

generally speaking my kid will eat whatever is for dinner sometimes she doesn't like it I'll let her have an extra serving of carrots and hummus but mostly I try not to micromanage her food choices.

I think one thing parents get into a pattern about is that a kid will say "I hate x" And then x becomes off limits. I've tried to help my daughter understand that sometimes she just gets tired of eating something or she's not in the mood to eat something but that doesn't mean she will never eat that thing again. She really loves bean and cheese burritos and then went through a phase where she hated refried beans and I pointed out her that maybe she just needed a break from eating them all the time and then she could go back to enjoying refried beans.

[Anonymous]

We all eat together. I always have one thing I know they will.like but they must taste everything. I am not going to cook two different dinners and anyody who does is a fool.

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't read the full thread, but what I did when my kids were younger was "deconstructed dinner."

They'd eat elements of what we ate, so I wasn't making two full meals, but I'd set out different elements on the table so each family member could eat their preferred combination.

So for example, if I was making tacos, I'd set out tortillas, beans, grilled chicken, cheese. I'd make a spicy salsa but leave some plain chopped tomato on the side.

A salad would be a bowl of lettuce, chopped cucumber, chopped tomatoes, chopped onions, grilled chicken, a drained can of chickpeas, feta, olives dressing on the side. One kid might eat chickpeas, chicken and cucumbers; another might add tomatoes and dressing, and adults would have a greek salad with chickpeas.

I'd prepare plain veggies and have spicy sauce to add for adults.

As my kids got older, they added in different elements, and now at 10 and 12 eat almost everything. (Not to say this method is why!! I suspect individual personality has the most to do with it.)

[Anonymous]

Our child eats what we eat. We have a diverse tastes and good meal variety. He’s not a picky kid but does have preferences. He hates beets. I detest processed foods.

If you didn’t start out this way, change gradually. A friend told her kid that it was time to start eating “athlete” food because he was growing taller and building more muscle from so much sport. It worked! I mean, they’re like us in they eat the occasional Snickers bar, but each actual meal plate is 1/2 vegetables.

[Anonymous]

I am totally not forcing my kids to have lobster and caviar and kobe beef! I am not that mean.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be honest — I cook separate meals for them about half of the times I cook. I mean, I am not going to force my kids to eat scallops or seared rate tuna if they don’t want to.

It seems kind of mean to have scallops and seared rare tuna and not give your kids any. Those things are delicious.

I mean I am not sure what is Rate Tuna? LOL, If it was rat tuna I would not eat it either!!! LOL. Rate tuna is too ratty for me!