What's the most pathetic thing parenting has done to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(I'm still recovering from the cacao nib story, btw. That is the stuff of nightmares.)

High on the pathetic list was the time I was preparing breakfast for our extremely picky 3 yo.

And suddenly in a flash of perspective, the horror hit me:

Oh my God. I AM PEELING...A BAGEL. ON PURPOSE. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME.

(In fairness, it was the only way she would eat the damn bagel. But still.)

That’s amazing. Feel you. I peel grapes for ours and know which things on plate are to be hot or cold. Makes me feel like a sucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy a certain protein bar every morning but they are expensive. My kids will waste them, want to taste them but spit them out or naw on the bar and ruin the coating but not actually eat it...total waste. So I've come to hiding in my master closet with my bar and coffee every morning for 10 min. I even look forward to it. Sometimes I realize for a second how pathetic it is but then remember how this is really the best solution! Anyone else have moments tha make you go "o wow this is a new low."?

It's pathetic bc you don't have enough authority to tell your kids that they are not allowed to eat your protein bars.

Seriously. Remind them that they waste the bars and offer them something else.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh you guys, thank you so much for these. I’m having a very stressful workday and decided to pop on DCUM for a minute. My kids are 20 and 23 and this brings back such memories and are making my day! Keep them coming please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby peed on our bed. Multiple times. Still took us a week to change the sheets.

Pee is nothing. Baby pee is practically water. My youngest as a newborn pooped 12+ times a day, nursed constantly, and would only sleep while being held. He definitely pooped on the bed multiple times and I just wiped it off best I could with a baby wipe and slept on top.

[Anonymous]

Once I left boxed wine on the porch overnight and a raccoon got into it. I had such a chaotic kid day the next day I drank it anyway while cooking dinner. I think that was a definite low. I hope the raccoon didn’t have rabies but at that moment it was worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a kid sit on my lap while I poop

Yep.
Dd even brought a book with her for me to read to her while she sat on my lap.

[Anonymous]

I quit my demanding job after kid 2, planned on going back after a few years then had kid 3, been completely out of paid workforce for 15 years now and get super depressed when I think about going back. I have an advanced degree from a prestigious school and because I am so tied to my kids' busy schedules, when I look at options I'm thinking part time EA or retail, or something that requires like a high school degree.

I'm going to have to go back to school or reinvent myself somehow but I'm busy and exhausted and don't have the mental reserves left!

[Anonymous]

Our kid was such a bad sleeper that when he finally started sleeping through the night I was too scared to use the bathroom (backs up to his room) so I peed in a Tupperware every morning (I wake up at 5 for work) for like a week before I shook myself and peed in the potty like a g.d. grownup.

[Anonymous]

I pick boogers out of my kids' noses and will just wipe them on my bathrobe. Usually I have tissues in my pocket but if we're sitting down reading a book or something that my kid is actually sitting and quiet, I will not get up to go get a tissue and disrupt him! I'll also bite their fingernails.

Dang, I'm gross...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get up at 5:45 on Thursdays so that I can sneak downstairs and eat breakfast alone while I watch the previous night's episode of "The Real Housewives of New York." I usually hear the pitter-patter of little feet around 6:15, and I will hastily shove bagel in my face, hit pause, and act happy to see my 3yo!

I get up earlier than usual to do this on Thursday mornings, too! I don't think of it as pathetic, though. I think of it as a genius way to get in my one guilty pleasure left.

I get up at 6 and sneak downstairs to watch the previous night’s Bravo garbage almost every morning! Sometimes I’ll get all the way to 7, sometimes only 6:15 before a kid wakes up...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(I'm still recovering from the cacao nib story, btw. That is the stuff of nightmares.)

High on the pathetic list was the time I was preparing breakfast for our extremely picky 3 yo.

And suddenly in a flash of perspective, the horror hit me:

Oh my God. I AM PEELING...A BAGEL. ON PURPOSE. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME.

(In fairness, it was the only way she would eat the damn bagel. But still.)

That’s amazing. Feel you. I peel grapes for ours and know which things on plate are to be hot or cold. Makes me feel like a sucker.

Oh yes. I haven't ever made hot chocolate as a treat. It's barely tepid.

[Anonymous]

Conference at the Waldorf Astoria 5 years ago. Pump ran out of batteries, had to attempt to hand express into two really beautiful cut glass cocktail tumblers. All I could think was, “wow it would be so much better to be drinking out of these instead!”

[Anonymous]

Maybe not pathetic, but desperate...

Two in car seats. Ran out of milk. Zero energy or patience to unbuckle and go into a 7-11, so did McDonald's drive thru and ordered 6 half pint milks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy a certain protein bar every morning but they are expensive. My kids will waste them, want to taste them but spit them out or naw on the bar and ruin the coating but not actually eat it...total waste. So I've come to hiding in my master closet with my bar and coffee every morning for 10 min. I even look forward to it. Sometimes I realize for a second how pathetic it is but then remember how this is really the best solution! Anyone else have moments tha make you go "o wow this is a new low."?

It's pathetic bc you don't have enough authority to tell your kids that they are not allowed to eat your protein bars.

Seriously. Remind them that they waste the bars and offer them something else.

Yay you two PPs for trying to turn a light hearted post into some sanctimonious drivel. Do you feel better about yourselves now? Here’s a cookie for each of you.

I want a fancy bar...not a lame cookie.

Thanks!!

Ok here’s your bar, big baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy a certain protein bar every morning but they are expensive. My kids will waste them, want to taste them but spit them out or naw on the bar and ruin the coating but not actually eat it...total waste. So I've come to hiding in my master closet with my bar and coffee every morning for 10 min. I even look forward to it. Sometimes I realize for a second how pathetic it is but then remember how this is really the best solution! Anyone else have moments tha make you go "o wow this is a new low."?

It's pathetic bc you don't have enough authority to tell your kids that they are not allowed to eat your protein bars.

Seriously. Remind them that they waste the bars and offer them something else.

Yay you two PPs for trying to turn a light hearted post into some sanctimonious drivel. Do you feel better about yourselves now? Here’s a cookie for each of you.

I want a fancy bar...not a lame cookie.

Ok here’s your bar, big baby

Thank you. I promise to share.