Opting out of swimming unit in PE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid-I’d allow her to sit out and fully support her in it.

I’m so often shocked by the the rigidity of so many of you. I truly don’t get the thought process of where you must be forced to do something you viscerally don’t want to do. It’s not a quality I’d want my kid to learn. It’s not that my kid’s school wouldn’t push back for something similar but I feel confident even at 10yo my DD could advocate for herself on this and if she had to-would face the consequences and own them.

OP here, thank you. that is my gut feeling- why force her to do something that she really doesn't want to do that has no real benefit? I also see it as an opportunity for self advocacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid-I’d allow her to sit out and fully support her in it.

I’m so often shocked by the the rigidity of so many of you. I truly don’t get the thought process of where you must be forced to do something you viscerally don’t want to do. It’s not a quality I’d want my kid to learn. It’s not that my kid’s school wouldn’t push back for something similar but I feel confident even at 10yo my DD could advocate for herself on this and if she had to-would face the consequences and own them.

OP here, thank you. that is my gut feeling- why force her to do something that she really doesn't want to do that has no real benefit? I also see it as an opportunity for self advocacy.

Which part of the advocacy is self-, here? The part where she tells you that she doesn't want to, and then you advocate for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here; thanks for all the feedback. My DD had the same issues last year and I had her suck it up for exactly the reasons you all have said. Another factor is that this year she has a very difficult classroom teacher (I know you may want to jump all over me for saying this, but this teacher is so difficult that one family got their child moved to another classroom, which is almost unheard of at our private school). I am normally more inclined to the "let them take their lumps" school of parenting, but am being more protective and involved this year because I think DD has enough to deal with.

Your daughter can't go to class with wet hair, or learn to use a swim cap, because this year she has a very difficult classroom teacher?

Yes, because she has a classroom teacher that will not be nice about dealing with a towel over her shoulders that she needs to shake out, put away, etc. This classroom teacher doesn't put up with an "fidgeting" at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid-I’d allow her to sit out and fully support her in it.

I’m so often shocked by the the rigidity of so many of you. I truly don’t get the thought process of where you must be forced to do something you viscerally don’t want to do. It’s not a quality I’d want my kid to learn. It’s not that my kid’s school wouldn’t push back for something similar but I feel confident even at 10yo my DD could advocate for herself on this and if she had to-would face the consequences and own them.

OP here, thank you. that is my gut feeling- why force her to do something that she really doesn't want to do that has no real benefit? I also see it as an opportunity for self advocacy.

It's not an opportunity for self-advocacy if YOU are the one talking to the teachers, etc.

And "viscerally" don't want to do? Really? She gets physically creeped out by the thought of having damp hair? Or she just doesn't like it?

Do whatever you're going to do, but stop pretending like you haven't made up your mind. And please don't ask them not to dock her grade--if she wants to sit it out, she can deal with the consequence. And wait and see what else she doesn't want to do because it's "uncomfortable."

[Anonymous]

The answer is so obvious. Her hair is impeding normal activities at school. Cut it shorter. All your problems solved. Long hair is overrated anyway.

[Anonymous]

I am confused by the notion that opting out of a required class for reasons of minor inconvenience is "self-advocacy"... especially when you are doing the advocacy. That's not how life works. Coming up w/ accommodations and advocating for those? Sure. But just opting out entirely... especially when most kids in the class face virtually identical hurdles? Absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP since your daughter is already an accomplished swimmer and if the reasons stated are the only issues-I’d push for allowing her to sit out or being given more time to dry her hair. Some really angry people on this forum!! Also-I would question why her grade has to be lowered.

Nine year old girls-whether this is an all girls school or not are also in the first throes of puberty (one of my DD friends started her period over summer so was 9y 7m old): just another layer to consider.

If she has a habit of not wanting to follow activities-that’s a different issue.

Thank you, if there is some sort of swimming assessment at the end of the unit I would be happy to have her do that because I think her swimming skills are probably much better than other kids in the class (because she has the opportunity to swim outside of school more often). Being in the first throes of puberty is also a factor, she doesn't feel comfortable being in her bathing suit around the boys in her class, especially because it is a short-lived activity and they don't have time to get used to it.


The response from the PE teacher was that all children should participate in all units to the best of their ability. I agree with PP's suggestion that DD shouldn't be in the habit of not following activities. She won't be, this is literally the only one. Shoudl I tell the PE teacher that?

She/he won't believe you. Every parent who wants special treatment for their kid will insist that it's just this one thing, it's not a pattern, etc. Every parent thinks their reasons are good enough, their excuses are valid, etc. Since you're going to do this, just tell them that you don't want your daughter doing the swimming portion, and stop trying to get them to agree that this is a reasonable thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP since your daughter is already an accomplished swimmer and if the reasons stated are the only issues-I’d push for allowing her to sit out or being given more time to dry her hair. Some really angry people on this forum!! Also-I would question why her grade has to be lowered.

Nine year old girls-whether this is an all girls school or not are also in the first throes of puberty (one of my DD friends started her period over summer so was 9y 7m old): just another layer to consider.

If she has a habit of not wanting to follow activities-that’s a different issue.

Okay, that's just bullshit. If you decide that your daughter should not participate for a *non-health-related reason*, then she takes the grade cut. That's how the world works. If she wants to opt out, she can accept the consequence.

Actually that sounds like a good deal. I went to school in another country and I didn't do PE ever for no other reason that I despised it. I just didn't want to do it. So my parents arranged for me to not do it. I took a grade hit on PE but was a straight A student in everything else. For six years. Since everyone knew PE is a bullshit grade, no one cared. I personally think it's a form of violence to make children do physical things they don't feel like doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone love being around the boys in gym? Didn’t we all have to make the leap of learning to love our bodies for being strong and powerful instead of something to be embarrassed about around boys? This is the time to work on self love and confidence. It is also the time to learn that sometimes we DO feel embarrassed at new activities, but that the feeling is normal and how to manage her thoughts and actions.

This is part of puberty that everyone deals with and you have to guide her through it, not run away.

You are making it sound like shedding clothes is an act of personal empowerment, and it really isn't. It's a form of violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry OP. In a few years, She will be able to use the "I have my period" as an excuse to get out of swimming. I went to an all girls' school and apparently, most of us had our periods at least twice our of 4 swimming classes each month. Use two swim caps and send her in with a sweater if some of her hair gets wet. She will live.

If most girls tried to get out of their swimming classes, maybe it's time for the admin to think about introducing other sports instead of forcing children into something they universally dislike. There must be other sports out there.

[Anonymous]

You are beyond ridiculous.

- her hair will be wet
- the pool is cold
- she doesn’t want to change in a bathing suit for boys to see
- swim time is only 20 min after you take away the changing clothes portion of it
- I consider it a “comfort and health issue”
- “it is a little sexist that the time allowed for children to dry off and change (10 minutes) is adequate for people with very short hair (typically boys) but not people with longer hair (which includes some girls)”
- she has a tough teacher this year
- she already can swim better than most others
- I’m okay with a lowered grade

She’s no more or less special than every other kid in her current class or those who did the class before her. You asked the teacher and the teacher was clearly not okay with it. It’s 12 sessions, at least some of which are over. She can handle this for less than a dozen more times. We’ve no doubt you’ll let her sit this out as well as many other things.

My long haired competitive swimmer swims year round. Caps done keep her hair dry. She walked out of the pool in less than ten degree weather. She lives, believe it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid-I’d allow her to sit out and fully support her in it.

I’m so often shocked by the the rigidity of so many of you. I truly don’t get the thought process of where you must be forced to do something you viscerally don’t want to do. It’s not a quality I’d want my kid to learn. It’s not that my kid’s school wouldn’t push back for something similar but I feel confident even at 10yo my DD could advocate for herself on this and if she had to-would face the consequences and own them.

OP here, thank you. that is my gut feeling- why force her to do something that she really doesn't want to do that has no real benefit? I also see it as an opportunity for self advocacy.

It's not an opportunity for self-advocacy if YOU are the one talking to the teachers, etc.

And "viscerally" don't want to do? Really? She gets physically creeped out by the thought of having damp hair? Or she just doesn't like it?

Do whatever you're going to do, but stop pretending like you haven't made up your mind. And please don't ask them not to dock her grade--if she wants to sit it out, she can deal with the consequence. And wait and see what else she doesn't want to do because it's "uncomfortable."

I have had DD talk to the PE teacher, I just sent an email to back her up because that is how elementary school works. I do not care one bit about her fourth grade PE grade so am not even bothering to address it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are beyond ridiculous.

- her hair will be wet
- the pool is cold
- she doesn’t want to change in a bathing suit for boys to see
- swim time is only 20 min after you take away the changing clothes portion of it
- I consider it a “comfort and health issue”
- “it is a little sexist that the time allowed for children to dry off and change (10 minutes) is adequate for people with very short hair (typically boys) but not people with longer hair (which includes some girls)”
- she has a tough teacher this year
- she already can swim better than most others
- I’m okay with a lowered grade

She’s no more or less special than every other kid in her current class or those who did the class before her. You asked the teacher and the teacher was clearly not okay with it. It’s 12 sessions, at least some of which are over. She can handle this for less than a dozen more times. We’ve no doubt you’ll let her sit this out as well as many other things.

My long haired competitive swimmer swims year round. Caps done keep her hair dry. She walked out of the pool in less than ten degree weather. She lives, believe it or not.

The key difference is that your long-haired competitive swimmer WANTS to swim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here; thanks for all the feedback. My DD had the same issues last year and I had her suck it up for exactly the reasons you all have said. Another factor is that this year she has a very difficult classroom teacher (I know you may want to jump all over me for saying this, but this teacher is so difficult that one family got their child moved to another classroom, which is almost unheard of at our private school). I am normally more inclined to the "let them take their lumps" school of parenting, but am being more protective and involved this year because I think DD has enough to deal with.

Your daughter can't go to class with wet hair, or learn to use a swim cap, because this year she has a very difficult classroom teacher?

Yes, because she has a classroom teacher that will not be nice about dealing with a towel over her shoulders that she needs to shake out, put away, etc. This classroom teacher doesn't put up with an "fidgeting" at all!

I guess that she's the only student in the class who has long hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The key difference is that your long-haired competitive swimmer WANTS to swim.

OP should have just said, "My daughter doesn't want to swim at school, and I don't think she should have to, so I'm going to tell the school that she's not doing swimming."