Let naive family waste $1000 on apps to elite colleges or set them straight before flying out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to read how many people are OK with some naive brat pissing away $1000 of her family's modest income. Most families in the U.S. don't have $1000 for an EMERGENCY and this girl is lighting it on fire because she's too stupid to realize in the grand scheme of things she's JUST an average white girl.

That is up to her her parents to decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have a high school senior with a strong GPA but completely mediocre SAT (not a national merit semifinalist) and no hooks. Nothing interesting about her at all. They think she's going to get into Harvard because she has almost all A's at her mediocre school. They're so clueless but I didn't want to be the pessimistic in-law from the big city.

If they ask for it, absolutely give it to them. If not then let them deal with it. A lot of parents see the sun shining out of all their kids bottoms and sometimes need a wake-up call. Not getting into the IVY league schools could be that wake-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a son with mostly As and a few Bs. His SAT scores were good, but not spectacular.
He played football all 4 years and did no other extracurriculars.
I can't tell you how many people in the past six months, when talking to him about college, told him how "uninteresting" he was.
It's an incredibly hurtful thing to say to a teen. And mean. Cruel.
Mind your business. The kid will find his way like every other kid, without your "help".

Yeah, people are awful. My son is overwhelmed by all the outside talking that he's shut down and won't have the actual conversations we need to have with him (i.e. lets plan a college trip for spring break). He played a different sport, but is otherwise similar to your son, who I'm sure is a great kid. My kid isn't a loner, but he isn't a joiner, either, and found clubs uninteresting.

I wish him lots of luck.

Your child will do extremely well. He is already thinking for himself and not being part of the joiners that become problems later in life. Bet you never had to say "if your friend jumps off a bridge would you"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have a high school senior with a strong GPA but completely mediocre SAT (not a national merit semifinalist) and no hooks. Nothing interesting about her at all. They think she's going to get into Harvard because she has almost all A's at her mediocre school. They're so clueless but I didn't want to be the pessimistic in-law from the big city.

Don't say anything, could save the parents a boat load of money. If she doesn't apply to safety school and doesn't end up accepted any where she could end up going to community college then getting accepted to more modest but decent university that is local. She will walk out of school with no loans and a great beginning. If more parents would consider this instead of telling your kid it is ok to owe 100k after getting out of college we would all be better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have a high school senior with a strong GPA but completely mediocre SAT (not a national merit semifinalist) and no hooks. Nothing interesting about her at all. They think she's going to get into Harvard because she has almost all A's at her mediocre school. They're so clueless but I didn't want to be the pessimistic in-law from the big city.

Don't say anything, could save the parents a boat load of money. If she doesn't apply to safety school and doesn't end up accepted any where she could end up going to community college then getting accepted to more modest but decent university that is local. She will walk out of school with no loans and a great beginning. If more parents would consider this instead of telling your kid it is ok to owe 100k after getting out of college we would all be better off.

This.

Especially if parents expect the kids to stay local, it's best to go to the local community college and then one of the local universities. Unless she is a genius, she won't suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have a high school senior with a strong GPA but completely mediocre SAT (not a national merit semifinalist) and no hooks. Nothing interesting about her at all. They think she's going to get into Harvard because she has almost all A's at her mediocre school. They're so clueless but I didn't want to be the pessimistic in-law from the big city.

If they ask for it, absolutely give it to them. If not then let them deal with it. A lot of parents see the sun shining out of all their kids bottoms and sometimes need a wake-up call. Not getting into the IVY league schools could be that wake-up.

More than likely they'll claim all the spots were stolen by illegal immigrants and other minority applicants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting shot down by an aunt before she even applies will damage her self esteem and ambition for a long time.

Reaching for the stars with full encouragement of her family is a good thing, even if the college ultimately doesn't accept her.

I was rejected from one "reach" school, and accepted to the other reach school and my safeties. Don't regret that strategy at all. I still reach for things that are probably overly ambitious, and I think it has served me well in life.

I love you.

[Anonymous]

Not National Merit Semifinalist does not equal mediocre SAT score. First of all, NMS is based on the PSAT not the SAT. And the qualifying scores are at the very tippy top. Lots of very very good scorers do not qualify. And the child is not responsible for the "mediocre" school. Colleges look at what you have done with what was available at your high school. So who knows where this kid might get in. Or where she is applying to as a safety. Or how interesting she is when you are not around.

[Anonymous]

If she's from one of those 2000 person rural Pa towns in the middle of the state where the high school graduating class at the local public school is 50 kids and the school offers 3 AP courses total, yes she is going to get a geographic bump. If she's from the Philly or Pittsburgh suburbs or even the bedroom communities of smaller cities like Scranton or Harrisburg which have perfectly fine schools -- no way is being from Pa. the kind of advantage that it would be if she were from Wyoming.

That said -- "almost all As"?! She doesn't even have ALL As and they think ivy? I don't know anyone - regardless of diversity or geography or anything - who has gotten into Penn in the last 5-7 yrs with even 1 B. So if that isn't enough for Penn, why on earth even apply to Harvard?

[Anonymous]

You know everyone who got into Penn? That's just silly

[Anonymous]

Ugh, OP, I hope deep down your heart is in the right place, but your tone is so offensive and condescending.

"Nothing interesting about her at all." How would you like it if another parents said that about your child?

If you want to help them, don't say a word about the child's achievement.
Relay up-to-date facts about enrollment at that particular college. I don't have them, but for example you could say: "Harvard's freshman class is composed of X, Y, and Z students with such and such a GPA and SAT scores."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know everyone who got into Penn? That's just silly

I personally don't know anyone who has gotten into Penn with a B. Obviously I don't know all 2500 kids that come in yearly so I'm sure there's someone. But given where I live and work (near Penn), I know at least 5 kids who've gotten in in each of the last 7 yrs --- so in that sample size of 35, they really were all straight A students.

[Anonymous]

What is the goal here? If the goal is to be able to say -- YOU think you will get into H, who are you kidding, you are no where near good enough with your mediocre SATs and without straight As at your nothing school, I would know I live in the BIG city in the BEST district and USED TO work in admissions -- then I think you know you shouldn't be saying that.

If the goal is to help a kid/family that is overly optimistic and uninformed, esp. if you think the kid will end up with no college options in March -- then I think you can gently bring it up. Frankly I wouldn't even say anything re her being competitive for the ivys. Why not bring it up along the lines of -- what does she want to study. Then rattle of 2-3 schools in the range of her stats that are good in her anticipated major? Frankly I wouldn't be mean about it and even say -- I know the ivys are the goal, but if you want to keep your options open, you should look at X, Y, Z schools as back ups to the ivys bc they have a great program in ABC. Then it's up to her and her college educated parents to pursue it or not. This isn't a family where no one has gone to college so they have NO idea how it works. They are college educated themselves so I think they realize that even back in the 80s or 90s the ivys were still super competitive (different stats made you competitive them but it still really was only the top few kids in every graduating class who stood any shot); it's just that they may be the type of parents who don't want to hear you bc the sun rises and sets on their DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know everyone who got into Penn? That's just silly

I personally don't know anyone who has gotten into Penn with a B. Obviously I don't know all 2500 kids that come in yearly so I'm sure there's someone. But given where I live and work (near Penn), I know at least 5 kids who've gotten in in each of the last 7 yrs --- so in that sample size of 35, they really were all straight A students.

That's your geographic area.

Hers is different. If she's among the best for her area, she could still be just fine grade-wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the goal here? If the goal is to be able to say -- YOU think you will get into H, who are you kidding, you are no where near good enough with your mediocre SATs and without straight As at your nothing school, I would know I live in the BIG city in the BEST district and USED TO work in admissions -- then I think you know you shouldn't be saying that.

If the goal is to help a kid/family that is overly optimistic and uninformed, esp. if you think the kid will end up with no college options in March -- then I think you can gently bring it up. Frankly I wouldn't even say anything re her being competitive for the ivys. Why not bring it up along the lines of -- what does she want to study. Then rattle of 2-3 schools in the range of her stats that are good in her anticipated major? Frankly I wouldn't be mean about it and even say -- I know the ivys are the goal, but if you want to keep your options open, you should look at X, Y, Z schools as back ups to the ivys bc they have a great program in ABC. Then it's up to her and her college educated parents to pursue it or not. This isn't a family where no one has gone to college so they have NO idea how it works. They are college educated themselves so I think they realize that even back in the 80s or 90s the ivys were still super competitive (different stats made you competitive them but it still really was only the top few kids in every graduating class who stood any shot); it's just that they may be the type of parents who don't want to hear you bc the sun rises and sets on their DD.

Ask if she has a safety that she can live with. If she doesn't, gently suggest that she make sure she applies to 1-2 safety schools just to make sure that she has a fall back plan. "Just in case because Ivy admissions are so crazy...."