If you live in a ‘popular’ location, do you ever get asked to host people who aren’t family or direct friends but rather

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

I was on board to just saying no until you said they've hosted your family. If you've asked to stay with them and they've said yes...I think you kind of opened that door. All the talk of them being friends of friends or friends of relatives goes out the window if you have happily stayed in their home as an adult with your children. (It's unclear if you mean they hosted your "family of origin" when you were a child, or your family as an adult with your spouse and/or kids).

If you don't want to host other people (TOTALLY FINE), don't stay at other people's houses either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

No.
That’s tacky as $hit.

That said my husband’s Turkish uncles and cousins do just that.

We say No.
2 of the 3 times some friend if a distant relative was going to the west coast for work and wanted to “stay at someone’s house for more time”. They proceeded to have a difficult time understanding No and that we live in Wash DC, both work fulltime and have small children. Far far away from San Fran.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make it clear the answer is always no. I would calmly say no, that doesn't work for us and we do not want to be asked in the future to host people who aren't family or our personal friends.You will learn a lot about the askers by how they respond to this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

I was on board to just saying no until you said they've hosted your family. If you've asked to stay with them and they've said yes...I think you kind of opened that door. All the talk of them being friends of friends or friends of relatives goes out the window if you have happily stayed in their home as an adult with your children. (It's unclear if you mean they hosted your "family of origin" when you were a child, or your family as an adult with your spouse and/or kids).

If you don't want to host other people (TOTALLY FINE), don't stay at other people's houses either.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

I was on board to just saying no until you said they've hosted your family. If you've asked to stay with them and they've said yes...I think you kind of opened that door. All the talk of them being friends of friends or friends of relatives goes out the window if you have happily stayed in their home as an adult with your children. (It's unclear if you mean they hosted your "family of origin" when you were a child, or your family as an adult with your spouse and/or kids).

If you don't want to host other people (TOTALLY FINE), don't stay at other people's houses either.

Not sure you’re following. The family hosts my family. I would of course host THEM. but their random friends I don’t know well?

[Anonymous]

I had a friend ask to use a place in the ski resort town. The place belongs to my in-laws and is used only by core family. I felt so uncomfortable and blind-sided by her ask because the place is not even ours. I told her I will ask them, but never did or brought it up again. My husband asked me to not bring it up with in-laws, which I didn't even think to do.

[Anonymous]

You should let them come and be passive aggressive the whole time. This will end the relationship so you never have to worry about them staying with you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

I was on board to just saying no until you said they've hosted your family. If you've asked to stay with them and they've said yes...I think you kind of opened that door. All the talk of them being friends of friends or friends of relatives goes out the window if you have happily stayed in their home as an adult with your children. (It's unclear if you mean they hosted your "family of origin" when you were a child, or your family as an adult with your spouse and/or kids).

If you don't want to host other people (TOTALLY FINE), don't stay at other people's houses either.

Not sure you’re following. The family hosts my family. I would of course host THEM. but their random friends I don’t know well?

Agree,
No gracias