High maintenance DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look back at the post with parents talking about what “essentials” they cover post college graduation.

I guess some people have the means and inclination to support their kids and grandkids indefinitely. Maybe they don't care if their kids ever achieve independence or financial sense because it won't matter. For everyone else, you're doing your kids a real disservice by spoiling them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$350 haircut!!!!!!!!!!

Should I feel shame for my 12 year old’s $500 haircut plus tip? If she had normal hair I wouldn’t have had to do it. She didn’t ask for it, I cared about her grooming. It’s 1,000 times better.

The salons are getting out of control. My other daughter, an arts student, goes to Bumble and Bumble in NYC for about $600 for highlights, cut and blow dry and tip. Everything is priced separately and now a blow dry after a cut is an extra $100. Them charging extra for a blow dry made her start looking for another place. Next they’ll charge extra for “premium shampoo”.

Yes, yes you should feel shame. Plus you are still paying $600 for your adult daughter’s hair? You know she is unlikely to be able to that upkeep with an arts degree.

[Anonymous]

It's time for a reset, OP.

Figure out what a basic version of each of these costs.

Hair cut? Even a good one should not be more than $120. Tell her that's her budget, and if she wants more than that every six months, she can pay the difference.

Skin care? Same thing. Figure out what a mid-priced option is, and she is on the hook for everything above that.

This will help her prioritize, and figure out what's really important.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I feel very grateful my 14 yr old daughter has never asked for highlights, skincare products (beyond very basic drug store stuff), or teeth whitening. She’s gorgeous and low maintenance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$350 haircut!!!!!!!!!!

Should I feel shame for my 12 year old’s $500 haircut plus tip? If she had normal hair I wouldn’t have had to do it. She didn’t ask for it, I cared about her grooming. It’s 1,000 times better.

The salons are getting out of control. My other daughter, an arts student, goes to Bumble and Bumble in NYC for about $600 for highlights, cut and blow dry and tip. Everything is priced separately and now a blow dry after a cut is an extra $100. Them charging extra for a blow dry made her start looking for another place. Next they’ll charge extra for “premium shampoo”.

Why does your daughter need highlights? When I was an undergrad and grad student at Columbia I found a listserve of trainee hairdressers and would have my haircut my trainees at high end salons for a $20-40 tip. If you want to set money on fire you can’t complain about setting it on fire.

Do you think any of this is you? Why would you say your daughter’s hair isn’t normal? By normal do you mean not fitting a particular Eurocentric definition of beauty?

Yeah that is wild. I went to hair cuttery when I was in college and was definitely not spending money on highlights or anything like that. I also didn’t have my parents money to use soooo

I went to hair cuttery in college too but I am so realized to make money and go to a salon now. There is a line here - some of us really do have reallly difficult hair to make look nice but those are a lot of money to spend on superficial things for a child. (This is theoretical - as unruly as my hair is, my daughter have easier to manage hair - even the curly haired one. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really sad how the beauty industry has gotten their claws into so many young women, who really don’t need all these products at all.

NP. Agree. I am reading this thread with interest. Everyone is shocked at OP’s daughter, but I am hearing the same from my DD. Her friends are getting their hair colored/highlighted and yes they spend $400 on this. Nails, waxing, skin care, gym memberships. It’s a fortune to have a teen girl. I say no to hair coloring (ridiculous), but I do hear “everyone does it!” She pays for her own nails. What a world we live in.

This is so stupid. Gym? Maybe, like YMCA or just play sports at school and run outside. I played sports in college and run outside everyday to this day.

The hair can get cut every 3-6 months. No highlights or straightening. You will ruin your hair and why not appreciate the hair you have?

Nails for events or a special treat.

Waxing to a degree but just shave your legs and pluck your eyebrows as needed.

Skincare ok to get into a normal routine but can use Burt’s bees and regular brands.

Yes, gym. Many teens go to the gym now - boys and girls. I don’t think anything is wrong with it, but in combination with all the other things - it’s a lot of trying to act like a mini adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really sad how the beauty industry has gotten their claws into so many young women, who really don’t need all these products at all.

NP. Agree. I am reading this thread with interest. Everyone is shocked at OP’s daughter, but I am hearing the same from my DD. Her friends are getting their hair colored/highlighted and yes they spend $400 on this. Nails, waxing, skin care, gym memberships. It’s a fortune to have a teen girl. I say no to hair coloring (ridiculous), but I do hear “everyone does it!” She pays for her own nails. What a world we live in.

I have 2 teen daughters. And yes, there are teens who are getting some of this. But no, not everyone. And I'm not even sure it's a majority.
And even if they are doing it, it's not at the prices you quoted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really sad how the beauty industry has gotten their claws into so many young women, who really don’t need all these products at all.

NP. Agree. I am reading this thread with interest. Everyone is shocked at OP’s daughter, but I am hearing the same from my DD. Her friends are getting their hair colored/highlighted and yes they spend $400 on this. Nails, waxing, skin care, gym memberships. It’s a fortune to have a teen girl. I say no to hair coloring (ridiculous), but I do hear “everyone does it!” She pays for her own nails. What a world we live in.

This is so stupid. Gym? Maybe, like YMCA or just play sports at school and run outside. I played sports in college and run outside everyday to this day.

The hair can get cut every 3-6 months. No highlights or straightening. You will ruin your hair and why not appreciate the hair you have?

Nails for events or a special treat.

Waxing to a degree but just shave your legs and pluck your eyebrows as needed.

Skincare ok to get into a normal routine but can use Burt’s bees and regular brands.

Yes, gym. Many teens go to the gym now - boys and girls. I don’t think anything is wrong with it, but in combination with all the other things - it’s a lot of trying to act like a mini adult.

I would be thrilled if my DD wanted to go to the gym. I try, she’s not having it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 12-yo who loves Sephora skin care products but obviously does not need them. I don't buy her any of it. She can use her own allowance money or ask for it as gifts. We have a HHI over $600K,so it's not about the cost, it is about the principle. I will buy her clothes as needed, if the cost is reasonable for a 12-yo, but I will not buy her luxury items (even though I can afford them) when those items are ridiculous for a child of her age.

Nice humble brag.

What do you mean? That's DCUM poors level, lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really sad how the beauty industry has gotten their claws into so many young women, who really don’t need all these products at all.

NP. Agree. I am reading this thread with interest. Everyone is shocked at OP’s daughter, but I am hearing the same from my DD. Her friends are getting their hair colored/highlighted and yes they spend $400 on this. Nails, waxing, skin care, gym memberships. It’s a fortune to have a teen girl. I say no to hair coloring (ridiculous), but I do hear “everyone does it!” She pays for her own nails. What a world we live in.

This is so stupid. Gym? Maybe, like YMCA or just play sports at school and run outside. I played sports in college and run outside everyday to this day.

The hair can get cut every 3-6 months. No highlights or straightening. You will ruin your hair and why not appreciate the hair you have?

Nails for events or a special treat.

Waxing to a degree but just shave your legs and pluck your eyebrows as needed.

Skincare ok to get into a normal routine but can use Burt’s bees and regular brands.

Yes, gym. Many teens go to the gym now - boys and girls. I don’t think anything is wrong with it, but in combination with all the other things - it’s a lot of trying to act like a mini adult.

I would be thrilled if my DD wanted to go to the gym. I try, she’s not having it.

I went to the gym as a teen but the gym was the YMCA. I wasn’t going to Equinox or taking barre classes. Healthy lifestyle stuff absolutely but these teens sound like they are SAHMs on steroids. I live in Greenwich, CT and these kids are spending as much (minus ozempic and botox) as the moms at my kids’ private school, probably more! This must take up a lot of time too. And I lived in NYC for over a decade. $600 is rent money …it is close to the rent I paid to live with 3 other people near Columbia. Teach your kids to budget and the value of a dollar or they will go into credit card debt chasing gross beauty standards when you cut them off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really sad how the beauty industry has gotten their claws into so many young women, who really don’t need all these products at all.

NP. Agree. I am reading this thread with interest. Everyone is shocked at OP’s daughter, but I am hearing the same from my DD. Her friends are getting their hair colored/highlighted and yes they spend $400 on this. Nails, waxing, skin care, gym memberships. It’s a fortune to have a teen girl. I say no to hair coloring (ridiculous), but I do hear “everyone does it!” She pays for her own nails. What a world we live in.

This is so stupid. Gym? Maybe, like YMCA or just play sports at school and run outside. I played sports in college and run outside everyday to this day.

The hair can get cut every 3-6 months. No highlights or straightening. You will ruin your hair and why not appreciate the hair you have?

Nails for events or a special treat.

Waxing to a degree but just shave your legs and pluck your eyebrows as needed.

Skincare ok to get into a normal routine but can use Burt’s bees and regular brands.

Yes, gym. Many teens go to the gym now - boys and girls. I don’t think anything is wrong with it, but in combination with all the other things - it’s a lot of trying to act like a mini adult.

I would be thrilled if my DD wanted to go to the gym. I try, she’s not having it.

Another parent who is very pro gym and the kids won’t go

[Anonymous]

You spend $350 on haircuts??

I have two girls. One is obsessed with this stuff. I tell her I will pay for the basics - shampoo, conditioner, facial cleanser, moisturizer, acne cream, toner.

She's been begging me for hair oil lately. $29. I told her if she wants it she can pay for it. The same for facial masks, lip exfoliators and whatever other nonsense she comes up with . It's out of control, and totally unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You spend $350 on haircuts??

I have two girls. One is obsessed with this stuff. I tell her I will pay for the basics - shampoo, conditioner, facial cleanser, moisturizer, acne cream, toner.

She's been begging me for hair oil lately. $29. I told her if she wants it she can pay for it. The same for facial masks, lip exfoliators and whatever other nonsense she comes up with . It's out of control, and totally unnecessary.

+1. And not to be lecture-y but a lot of this hair stuff is about fitting a very Eurocentric beauty standard. I have straight hair and my husband has curly hair (typical “Jewfro”) and my three girls all have pretty straight hair but with curls and body. At four (four!) my eldest told me she didn’t want curly hair. Girls internalize beauty standards at a young age it is sad. I don’t want my kids to feel they need to carry a torch but I’m not using my money to further racist-if-you-think-about-it societal beauty standards. Most people are not prettier with blond or straight hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really sad how the beauty industry has gotten their claws into so many young women, who really don’t need all these products at all.

NP. Agree. I am reading this thread with interest. Everyone is shocked at OP’s daughter, but I am hearing the same from my DD. Her friends are getting their hair colored/highlighted and yes they spend $400 on this. Nails, waxing, skin care, gym memberships. It’s a fortune to have a teen girl. I say no to hair coloring (ridiculous), but I do hear “everyone does it!” She pays for her own nails. What a world we live in.

This is so stupid. Gym? Maybe, like YMCA or just play sports at school and run outside. I played sports in college and run outside everyday to this day.

The hair can get cut every 3-6 months. No highlights or straightening. You will ruin your hair and why not appreciate the hair you have?

Nails for events or a special treat.

Waxing to a degree but just shave your legs and pluck your eyebrows as needed.

Skincare ok to get into a normal routine but can use Burt’s bees and regular brands.

Yes, gym. Many teens go to the gym now - boys and girls. I don’t think anything is wrong with it, but in combination with all the other things - it’s a lot of trying to act like a mini adult.

I would be thrilled if my DD wanted to go to the gym. I try, she’s not having it.

I went to the gym as a teen but the gym was the YMCA. I wasn’t going to Equinox or taking barre classes. Healthy lifestyle stuff absolutely but these teens sound like they are SAHMs on steroids. I live in Greenwich, CT and these kids are spending as much (minus ozempic and botox) as the moms at my kids’ private school, probably more! This must take up a lot of time too. And I lived in NYC for over a decade. $600 is rent money …it is close to the rent I paid to live with 3 other people near Columbia. Teach your kids to budget and the value of a dollar or they will go into credit card debt chasing gross beauty standards when you cut them off.

Price of everything has gone up. YMCA with a pool is more than my gym without a pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really sad how the beauty industry has gotten their claws into so many young women, who really don’t need all these products at all.

NP. Agree. I am reading this thread with interest. Everyone is shocked at OP’s daughter, but I am hearing the same from my DD. Her friends are getting their hair colored/highlighted and yes they spend $400 on this. Nails, waxing, skin care, gym memberships. It’s a fortune to have a teen girl. I say no to hair coloring (ridiculous), but I do hear “everyone does it!” She pays for her own nails. What a world we live in.

This is so stupid. Gym? Maybe, like YMCA or just play sports at school and run outside. I played sports in college and run outside everyday to this day.

The hair can get cut every 3-6 months. No highlights or straightening. You will ruin your hair and why not appreciate the hair you have?

Nails for events or a special treat.

Waxing to a degree but just shave your legs and pluck your eyebrows as needed.

Skincare ok to get into a normal routine but can use Burt’s bees and regular brands.

Yes, gym. Many teens go to the gym now - boys and girls. I don’t think anything is wrong with it, but in combination with all the other things - it’s a lot of trying to act like a mini adult.

I would be thrilled if my DD wanted to go to the gym. I try, she’s not having it.

I went to the gym as a teen but the gym was the YMCA. I wasn’t going to Equinox or taking barre classes. Healthy lifestyle stuff absolutely but these teens sound like they are SAHMs on steroids. I live in Greenwich, CT and these kids are spending as much (minus ozempic and botox) as the moms at my kids’ private school, probably more! This must take up a lot of time too. And I lived in NYC for over a decade. $600 is rent money …it is close to the rent I paid to live with 3 other people near Columbia. Teach your kids to budget and the value of a dollar or they will go into credit card debt chasing gross beauty standards when you cut them off.

But when parents have certain lifestyle standards, they inevitably trickle down to the kids. Plus, standards change. Most of parents didn’t go to the gym as teens, even the YMCA.