My husband yells at me or the kids at least once a day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you change the diaper if you were done and he was still eating? Then you cleared his plate. You are not so innocent.

Is this a joke? Or are you also a victim-blaming abuser? You can be upset about things, but you have a conversation, you don’t “lose it” on people. And are the kids guilty, in your mind?

Actually, why am I asking someone like you anything.

[Anonymous]

I think it's so sad when someone like OP chooses to have children. Just raising the next generation of abusers and abused people. Not doing a very good job of being a mom.

[Anonymous]

This post is two years old.

Any bets on whether OP is still with this guy?

[Anonymous]

My DH was exactly like this. The final incident: I went grocery shopping for dinner and looked for a bag of salad (the brand he likes), but they were out. I chose a different type (american) and held it in my hands and thought, he’s going to be upset that it’s not the kind I always get (romaine blend). That moment was so filled with dread, I suddenly knew I couldn’t live like that anymore. He couldn’t either, and he visited a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with OCD within 30 minutes and gave him a prescription anti-anxiety medication. He literally is a different person. He is wonderful and kind and doesn’t lose his temper all the time over innocuous things anymore. I can’t even begin to explain what a miracle drugs are for this specific mental health issue.

[Anonymous]

I would have gladly switched from my “top” school district to a situation where I would not see myself or mother emotionally abused daily. That is a toxic situation that, 30 years later, I am still purging.

Can you live with your family?

At this point you should call a battered women’s helpline for advice imo.

[Anonymous]

A man has got to relax...

[Anonymous]

Oh I’m so sorry. I was you five ears ago. I too have ADD. I ended up leaving. Divorce was the lesser of the evils because now I don’t have to worry that I didn’t ask permission to run the dishwasher or forgot to put toilet seat down or any number of egregious things I would do that set him off.
I’m so sorry. Living like that does a number on one’s self esteem.
Call the DV hotline. They have been super helpful to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the responses. I see what everyone is saying but like, I am not in a position to leave the marriage right now. I have one older kid and a nursing baby and between working full time and breastfeeding and having shared finances and doing WFH with my husband I have no time for anything. I was just diagnosed with high cholesterol and prediabetes and cannot even find 20 minutes each day to work out. What is the point of documenting things? Why is no one suggesting pursuing marriage counseling, even if just for myself? We share one vehicle and I have very little privacy from him.

OP if you can’t afford to then don’t get divorced. Focus on increasing your earning potential for the future. You are not being physically abused but you are incompatible. You probably married him bc of the same high performing traits of his that are now holding you accountable for your deficiencies. Neither of you will change.

If you are not on medication for the ADHD you need to be. Interactions like this happen bc the neurotypical person has passed the point of no return on tolerating the ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An adult who yells at anyone is unacceptable. Yes, we all makes mistakes, so maybe it happens once a decade. But, an adult who yells daily has a serious problem. Draw a boundary. Learn to say, “I understand you’re upset, but it’s unacceptable to yell at me. I am going to walk away and do something else. We can discuss this later when you’re able to do so calmly.”

It’s unrealistic that someone with an ADHD spouse and child never yells. They just do. You don’t understand the challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh I’m so sorry. I was you five ears ago. I too have ADD. I ended up leaving. Divorce was the lesser of the evils because now I don’t have to worry that I didn’t ask permission to run the dishwasher or forgot to put toilet seat down or any number of egregious things I would do that set him off.
I’m so sorry. Living like that does a number on one’s self esteem.
Call the DV hotline. They have been super helpful to me

Omg. Yes. Constantly walking on eggshells and feeling like you have a stomach ulcer. I tried. I am so over it now. Was doing well while in therapy, but stopped going—prob because didn’t like what he was being told. In a short time, the old behaviors reemerged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How on earth did someone so CLEARLY type A/perfectionist/high strung end up with someone with severe ADHD, PTSD, depression & anxiety???

This sounds like a match made in absolute HELL.

Being type A is all about an incredibly intense need to control -- and you, being someone with special needs & mental health challenges, will ALWAYS be someone that he can never fully control, because you yourself don't have complete control and that's always going to be a huge problem for him (and it will only get worse over time).

This tells me that he's always treated you this way, right from the giset date on. His is such an intense need for control, that he could have never hid it, so you've known this about him since day 1.

Get out now -- you two should have never, ever gotten married in the first place.

I agree. OP surely noticed these red flags from the beginning. But like most women she ignored them. She passed on the good guys to go after the jerk who will mistreat her. Now she’s miserable. Lesson learned. Run away before he destroys your life.

[Anonymous]

I find it disgusting that people with a marriage like OP choose to bring kids into a mess like this. It is so beyond selfish to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How on earth did someone so CLEARLY type A/perfectionist/high strung end up with someone with severe ADHD, PTSD, depression & anxiety???

This sounds like a match made in absolute HELL.

Being type A is all about an incredibly intense need to control -- and you, being someone with special needs & mental health challenges, will ALWAYS be someone that he can never fully control, because you yourself don't have complete control and that's always going to be a huge problem for him (and it will only get worse over time).

This tells me that he's always treated you this way, right from the giset date on. His is such an intense need for control, that he could have never hid it, so you've known this about him since day 1.

Get out now -- you two should have never, ever gotten married in the first place.

I agree. OP surely noticed these red flags from the beginning. But like most women she ignored them. She passed on the good guys to go after the jerk who will mistreat her. Now she’s miserable. Lesson learned. Run away before he destroys your life.

Forget about her life. Run away before he ruins the kids. He already yells at the oldest every day and OP is failing as a mom by not protecting her. Granted, OP chose to have another baby with an abusive ahole so she's not exactly a shining example of a great parent either

[Anonymous]

You are choosing to let your children be abused. Instead of leaving, you are choosing to let him yell at your children. Instead of leaving, you are choosing to let him scream at you. Instead of leaving, you are choosing to see how this escalates.

You are choosing to stay. You are choosing this. You are letting your family suffer because you are scared of leaving. Do you think that is a good way to parent? Do you want your children to endure this? Don't you think a parent should protect their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An adult who yells at anyone is unacceptable. Yes, we all makes mistakes, so maybe it happens once a decade. But, an adult who yells daily has a serious problem. Draw a boundary. Learn to say, “I understand you’re upset, but it’s unacceptable to yell at me. I am going to walk away and do something else. We can discuss this later when you’re able to do so calmly.”

My spouse raises his voice and yells, often in the car when I'm driving and in front of the young kids.
We try to catch up on things, he doesn't read his emails or texts - then can't find then, then gets angry and bullies me and yells. And of course blames me. for his yelling. "You make me do this."

I've calmly repeated myself: Stop yelling in the car. Stop raising your voice. Take a break, we will resolve the issue when you're calm.

He's scary.

Once I said Stop yelling like a freak, and he yelled about how I was name calling and an awful person. It's like he wants us to get in an accident on the freeway.

Why are you resurrecting a thread from 2022? Please start your own thread.