Assertiveness training for kids?

[Anonymous]

Both of our DC are quite shy and afraid to assert themselves, whether asking a teacher for something they need or standing up for themselves with peers. We have tried to teach it at home, but somehow our efforts aren't good enough.

Is there a class in the area that helps kids with this skill? I also wonder if it would help if it came from another source...

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids and what kind of special needs do they have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids and what kind of special needs do they have?

MS and late ES age. ADHD and one also has anxiety and depression. Seeing therapist but wondering if there is something beyond one-on-one therapy sessions for this specific skill.

[Anonymous]

We had self-advocacy as a goal in our child's IEP. The school psychologist worked on implementation.

The goals were things like student with approach a teacher outside of class with a question, then faded to asking a question while in class. The psychologist would do a quick meetup to help DC figure out what to bring up. Took about 2 school years for this to take, but by high school skills were much more improved. We also had child involved in IEP meetings starting in 5th grade and they got a say in what accomodations and goals were.

I think for peer interactions you could consider a social skills or group therapy. I'd ask your current therapist for idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had self-advocacy as a goal in our child's IEP. The school psychologist worked on implementation.

The goals were things like student with approach a teacher outside of class with a question, then faded to asking a question while in class. The psychologist would do a quick meetup to help DC figure out what to bring up. Took about 2 school years for this to take, but by high school skills were much more improved. We also had child involved in IEP meetings starting in 5th grade and they got a say in what accomodations and goals were.

I think for peer interactions you could consider a social skills or group therapy. I'd ask your current therapist for idea.

Thanks, we do not yet have a 504 (we have further testing scheduled this fall, maybe that will tell us if IEP would be appropriate, but our DC has performed well enough academically that I've been told an IEP is likely out of reach).

Can you provide more specifics about the self advocacy piece in the IEP? Was the purpose of asking a question outside of class to give DC an option to do so when not in front of peers? Or was it something your child also had to achieve? (Sorry if the questions seem basic - I'm totally new to the world of 504s and IEPs.) . For sure, my DC in the past has not asked questions when she should have, or didn't ask for a hand out when she realized she didn't get one or had loaned hers to a classmate...IMO, this skill is as important as grades for being a successful adult...

[Anonymous]

A really good (not belt factory) Tae Kwon Do school will teach confidence and assertiveness.

[Anonymous]

My DD benefited from going to a girls high school. Somehow it transformed her and made her super assertive. I know there is potential for the opposite to happen but the school she went to tends to encourage leadership and advocacy.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to your kids’ therapist? My unassertive, why kid has anxiety and the therapist has him doing challenges to work his way up. He is now able to order his own food at a restaurant and go into a convenience store to buy a small thing alone. He’s got a tough time talking to adults so even these things has been huge progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you talked to your kids’ therapist? My unassertive, why kid has anxiety and the therapist has him doing challenges to work his way up. He is now able to order his own food at a restaurant and go into a convenience store to buy a small thing alone. He’s got a tough time talking to adults so even these things has been huge progress.

Thanks, yes, DC’s therapist I has similar “homework” assignments. But I think it’s also helpful to get input from other parents and see what else we might be missing and/or should try in addition to that.

[Anonymous]

My pediatrician suggested a sports development in N Bethesda program for one of my children with self esteem issues. It has helped greatly with his feelings of self confidence. It has been physically hard work and has improved his willingness to engage in play with other kids. Still not up to playing sports with the other boys at recess. But not staying inside reading any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had self-advocacy as a goal in our child's IEP. The school psychologist worked on implementation.

The goals were things like student with approach a teacher outside of class with a question, then faded to asking a question while in class. The psychologist would do a quick meetup to help DC figure out what to bring up. Took about 2 school years for this to take, but by high school skills were much more improved. We also had child involved in IEP meetings starting in 5th grade and they got a say in what accomodations and goals were.

I think for peer interactions you could consider a social skills or group therapy. I'd ask your current therapist for idea.

Thanks, we do not yet have a 504 (we have further testing scheduled this fall, maybe that will tell us if IEP would be appropriate, but our DC has performed well enough academically that I've been told an IEP is likely out of reach).

Can you provide more specifics about the self advocacy piece in the IEP? Was the purpose of asking a question outside of class to give DC an option to do so when not in front of peers? Or was it something your child also had to achieve? (Sorry if the questions seem basic - I'm totally new to the world of 504s and IEPs.) . For sure, my DC in the past has not asked questions when she should have, or didn't ask for a hand out when she realized she didn't get one or had loaned hers to a classmate...IMO, this skill is as important as grades for being a successful adult...

So I agree that being assertive - and just asking for what one needs is a really important skill and my DC's disability (language disorder + anxiety) made it really hard to do.

The psychologist worked as a coach, and my child had to complete the goal. The school's job was to facilitate and provide opportunities to practice this skill in a safe way (eg classroom teachers would give DC time to get his words out, praise when he did it etc). Eventually teh goal was to fade this support away.

But you don't get 'goals' in 504s, just accommodations. So for this sort of support in a school setting you need an IEP -- or to work on it outside of school.

[Anonymous]

You may want to consider a low dose of medication. Not even being able to ask a teacher a question is a high amount of an anxiety for a kid to deal with. If both kids have this issue, medication may help them actually implement anything they might learn in a class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may want to consider a low dose of medication. Not even being able to ask a teacher a question is a high amount of an anxiety for a kid to deal with. If both kids have this issue, medication may help them actually implement anything they might learn in a class.

+1 (although I would change low dose to effective dose - sometime the words “low dose” sounds more palatable, but isn’t necessarily effective. I agree that aggressive treatment of the anxiety is the best path to anxious kids being able to interact with others effectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to consider a low dose of medication. Not even being able to ask a teacher a question is a high amount of an anxiety for a kid to deal with. If both kids have this issue, medication may help them actually implement anything they might learn in a class.

+1 (although I would change low dose to effective dose - sometime the words “low dose” sounds more palatable, but isn’t necessarily effective. I agree that aggressive treatment of the anxiety is the best path to anxious kids being able to interact with others effectively.

You’re absolutely correct. Effective is the mot juste.

[Anonymous]

I'd try a social skills group. Our child was heiped with assertiveness and other social skills work in the Resilience Builder groups at Alvord Baker Associates (Silver Spring and Rockville). Different classes at different times of the year, so check to make sure yours are sufficiently focussed.

http://www.alvordbaker.com/groups/

The program is based on a book Dr. Alvord sells separately if you want to try on your own. Search Amazon using "Alvord Resilience Builder."