How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
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Anonymous
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I am having a very difficult time coming to terms with the idea that all that I am, all that I offer to my marriage and my husband's family by being his wife, is essentially rejected by my in laws. They do not like me and have never warmed up to me.
I try not to care and to rise above but honestly...it makes me feel small and insignificant. I always thought marriage would mean finding another new family, being loved and belonging. Their rejection of me and the fact that they can't see me hurts so much. Am I just being a baby? How do other women deal? |
Anonymous
| You married him, not his family. Stop offering if they've proven they don't appreciate your efforts. |
Anonymous
It does mean another family, but the family is the one you create with your husband and kids. Not your in-laws' family. |
Anonymous
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You have a new family who love you and with whom you belong: your husband and children.
Your inlaws? They are small and insignificant. How do I deal? I deal by knowing I’m the bigger person. I deal by knowing I was a fine and worthy person before they came along, and I’ll be fine and worthy person when they are dead and gone. Mourn the inlaws you wish you had, because you don’t have them. |
Anonymous
| I don't deal with them any more. Neither does my DH at this point. They said some things that can't be unsaid and we're just done. |
Anonymous
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As PPs have noted, family is the one you create. I handled it by finally learning to not care. Seriously. I stopped making an effort and stopped going to family events on his side. We tried counseling (because, at that point, it was a DH issue) and while their treatment of me is no longer rude, they still don't like me and it shows. So, I quit.
Our kids are older now and I believe my ILs are regretting their behavior. Oh, they still don't like me but since I don't manage the calendar for their events/invitations, etc., my kids are closer to my side of the family. My ILs (even the extended ones) now realize that if my kids are going to know anything about their dad's side, I'm the one that would teach them and foster the relationships. It's just not DH's thing. They should have thought about that before they treated me like shit. Not caring is SO freeing! |
Anonymous
| The "nice and dumb" method suggested on here frequently works well. I keep all conversations very pleasant and basic, avoid them as much as possible and put my energy into being a good wife and mother. Over the years they have actually noticed and respect me and my ways more...but I still keep it nice and dumb. |
Anonymous
| and look into gray rock. |
Anonymous
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Hugs OP. I'm in the same boat. Not too much in the way of advice just empathy.
For now I am not having any contact with my husband's family. Emotionally it's still smarts but it's easier if I don't have to constantly think about it and interact with them. |
Anonymous
| My MIL made it clear she did not like me. What was interesting is that she did not like anyone who was married to her children. In later years the only one that would visit her was her younger daughter. She never knew her grandkids and a died a bitter shrew. I would ignore and let your spouse visit her alone. |
Anonymous
What has her treatment of you to do with her grandkids? |
Anonymous
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My MIL doesn’t like me. Doesn’t like her father’s new wife. Doesn’t like her sister’s husband. Doesn’t like her niece’s husband. Doesn’t like any outsider whatsoever.
But wants us to LOVE THE SHIT out of her new husband and his kids, you know, DH’s “SISTER AND BROTHER”! |
Anonymous
| Op --- it does you NO good to conclude that they do not like you. Ordinarily, spouses do not sit around and analyze this. |
Anonymous
| Dealing with this as well. HUGS |
Anonymous
| OP are you sure you haven’t contributed to the problem? There are two sides to every story. |