DH has unresolved family issues

[Anonymous]

And refuses help. Which would not be so bad, if he didn’t inflict his old and very unhealthy family roles on us. Anyone successful in seeking professional help for how to deal with this? Counselor recs? He won’t get help, but I am looking for a way to better handle a situation that is unlikely to change. Names appreciated.

[Anonymous]

You could start with couples tx. Where are you located?

[Anonymous]

Nova. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, you need a counselor for you. You are the obly person you have control of in this situation.

Be careful. It's not clear what the family problems are, but they may not just be your DH's family's problems, they may be your DH's too.

My DH dealt with his mother's mental illness and alcoholism. When I met DH, I didn't think he was an alcoholic or mentally ill, but he did eventually get an MI diagnosis and his resistance to treatment was greatly influenced by his experiwnce of his mother's illness. He also has a drinking and substance misuse problem. His mom went to rehab multiple times, so it should ha e been no surprise to me that now exDH would choose alcohol over his family (and yet it was still a shock.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you need a counselor for you. You are the obly person you have control of in this situation.

Be careful. It's not clear what the family problems are, but they may not just be your DH's family's problems, they may be your DH's too.

My DH dealt with his mother's mental illness and alcoholism. When I met DH, I didn't think he was an alcoholic or mentally ill, but he did eventually get an MI diagnosis and his resistance to treatment was greatly influenced by his experiwnce of his mother's illness. He also has a drinking and substance misuse problem. His mom went to rehab multiple times, so it should ha e been no surprise to me that now exDH would choose alcohol over his family (and yet it was still a shock.)

OP here. Thank you for sharing. Agreed.

[grace4ever]

Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. I’m truly sorry that both of you are dealing with such difficult situation. It is understandable the way that you feel. These forums are great for sharing burdens, and venting. Even in the darkest moments in our lives there’s always hope. I encourage you to think that things happen for a reason. Have you ever heard that when someone gets married the couple brings their own baggage? Is there someone such a good friend, mentor or adviser that he can speak with, someone who can make him realize that it is important to seek for assistance outside the marriage? There’s a group that helps and strengthen marriages that is called: World Wide Marriage encounter. I encourage you to make your search in internet and you can click some group in your area. Counseling works through things like this. You and your husband are worth of fighting for. Therapy is important in this case because it can help you to heal and to fix the differences with your husband. I encourage you that your husband could seek good friendships in places such as: men groups, hobbies, church ministries, charitable groups, volunteer jobs, etc I hope you can restore your marriage. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs. I will keep you all in my prayers for your husband and family, my friend. Keep us posted, Ok?

[Anonymous]

Lots of codependency and enabling on one side here. DH realized it when he moved away for college, but his 30-something brother is still all intertwined with mommy and daddy.

[Anonymous]

You do realize that EVERYONE has unresolved family issues?