How much do you still rely on family for counsel?

[Anonymous]

Had a conversation with a colleague today in which he mentioned consulting with a parent regularly for life advice and/or guidance - I'd guess he's late 50's/early 60's. Seemed to view this as typical (conversation was in the context of losing parents and that source of advice). I was thrown, and curious whether this is normal or an outlier. How many of you still (if ever) consult with your parents (or other close family) for advice on how to handle important career or personal situations?

[Anonymous]

I typically don’t— but that is because our life — 2 FT working parents, 4 kids, expensive cost of living area— is so different from the way I grew up. Sometimes when I talk about career dilemmas or the kids travel sports, they seem puzzled . If it’s something like working out an issue with my sister, sure I will consult them.

[Anonymous]

I am close to my family. My parents and my two brothers. We do not interfere with each others life but we help each other out in whatever way we can for all kinds of issues - career advice, medical issues, travelling, issues with kids, depression, money issues, family events, care of parents etc.

All of us siblings and my parents talk to each other at least once a week.

[Anonymous]

I got lost and wandered in here. I'm 41 and never ask my parents for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am close to my family. My parents and my two brothers. We do not interfere with each others life but we help each other out in whatever way we can for all kinds of issues - career advice, medical issues, travelling, issues with kids, depression, money issues, family events, care of parents etc.

All of us siblings and my parents talk to each other at least once a week.

+1 Our family is very similar although because we live very close by each other we tend to see each other a few times a week so a lot of face-to-face conversations. I like how the PP put it that - do not interfere but help - and I would say that is the same in our family.

[Anonymous]

All the time! I'm 50 with 69 and 72 year old parents - they are both professionals (like me). Very close to them and have a lot in common given similar careers/lifestyles and relatively small age gap between us.

[Anonymous]

I consulted them until they died (I was 50 and 52- they were 84). I still talk things over with my sister.

[Anonymous]

My mom had excellent social instincts and skills. I bounced off her a lot of social situations to get her take on them. I did the same thing with my aunts for the same reason. Interesting they never encountered some of the situations I would find myself facing (ie. I was once seated at a table with some people who became aggressive and even started a fight at the table. Very sophisticated, trans-continental people who should have known better. I told my aunt what was going on out in the hallway, and she and my uncle linked their arms with me, guided me to their table, and I abandoned those boors to their own company. I would have suffered through the entire affair with those people if my aunt/uncle had not taken me away, lol.

[Anonymous]

I consult with my dad on home maintenance issues. He knows a lot about fixing things.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. I guess I am an outlier - I realized in my 20's that the advice I got from my parents generally amounted to 'well, just do the minimum you need to get by' and I did not want to go through life half-assing things, so I stopped asking.

[Anonymous]

Very close with my parents, who both worked in the public school system (not in the DC area although they live here now to be close to young grandkids). Dad retired at 55. We frequently discuss stuff with my parents, everything from financial (suggestions re investing or how to figure out best bridge loan when buying one place and selling the other at the same time, etc) to work (reviewing resumes - the more good eyes the better!), although my mom told me I was crazy to accept my current job, and she was wrong: best job I've ever had (pay is crap, but I love what I do, who I do it with and I learn new things every day).

We also talk with them if a kid gets in trouble - we don't always want to advertise our kids mistakes to their friendsparents, but talking with others about age appropriate consequences, or suggestions is great.

Just reread what I wrote, and we don't actually talk with them about every little thing, but are at the age where we are all good friends, and it works for us.

[Anonymous]

I am very close to my parents, siblings, DH and kids. We discuss every thing and rely on each other for counsel. My DH's side of the family are not at all like that.

I think not being close to your family and being able to depend on them for counsel is a symptom of some dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the time! I'm 50 with 69 and 72 year old parents - they are both professionals (like me). Very close to them and have a lot in common given similar careers/lifestyles and relatively small age gap between us.

Wow. One of your parents was 19 when you were born.

[Anonymous]

My mom is a special ed teacher and her advice on issues with my kids has been invaluable. She's not completely objective about her own grandkids, but when I phrase a question about "a friend's child," I get really good advice.

[Anonymous]

My dad and I were so similar and he truly was the most brilliant person I’ve ever known. Also, compassionate and wise. He knew everything. I used to default so many of my questions to him—life, cooking, technology, etc. I am so sad not to be able to have our almost daily phone/text ?s or pick up the phone when I need honest advice or somebody to put things in perspective. I miss him so much.

Anything medical/illness question with my kids, I go to my mom. She was a nurse and could have easily been a doctor.