What’s your response to “you look great!”

[Anonymous]

Guy friend says that after he says “you look great!” He expects to hear some kind of compliment back, and if he doesn’t hear it he assumes that a.) He doesn’t look great, and b.) the person is callous, and selfish for basking in a compliment without returning the favor.
I spend a lot of time on make-up and hair, I feel I earned that compliment, so it’s not selfish to enjoy the compliment. I’ll say plenty of complimentary things over the course of the evening but not “on demand”. Who’s right? Or is there another spin on it?

[Anonymous]

I think you two deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t sound very bright or confident.

The only expected and appropriate response is: “Thank you.”

—No self-depreciation. (“Oh really, because I up like 7lbs this week!”)
—No obligatory return compliment.
—No silence.
—You may add to the “thank you” a “That’s sweet of you to say.”

[Anonymous]

I say thank you. If moved, I say “you look nice too.” But it’s ridiculous to expect a return compliment. Sounds like an episode of Seinfeld.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t sound very bright or confident.

The only expected and appropriate response is: “Thank you.”

—No self-depreciation. (“Oh really, because I up like 7lbs this week!”)
—No obligatory return compliment.
—No silence.
—You may add to the “thank you” a “That’s sweet of you to say.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Usually I say, "thank you, sodo you!"

Not because they look great. But because who the f cares just be nice.

[Anonymous]

I think “You look great” is a rather lame compliment. A great smile and a appreciative hug speak volumes, and over the course of the evening exchange complimentary observations about the person as they occur to one or the other. Other than a first date, where lame statements are safest, I’d prefer sincere and meaningful comments about each other than “ you look great”, especially if I’m expected to respond in kind.

[Anonymous]

It makes me feel like the other person is fishing for compliments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes me feel like the other person is fishing for compliments.

Have you always struggled with self-esteem issues, or is it recent?

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the relationship.

If just friends (which it seems to be in this case), no reciprocity should be expected. To expect it shows self-centeredness, IMO. I give this compliment all the time, and the perfect response is just a smile and a "thanks". Sometimes you get something like "Thanks, I styled my hair differently today" or something.

The only addendum is it would be nice for both parties at different times to give the compliment. Complimenting someone like that shows awareness and caring, and that shouldn't be one-sided.

If in a relationship early on, it should be reciprocated at the time of the compliment. Both sides are signaling they find the other side desirable.

If in a relationship that is really mature, you're probably comfortable enough not to need to reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Post about it on DCUM, of course.

Kidding. You say “thank you”, that’s all.

[Anonymous]

I find that usually “you look great” with nothing else means “you lost weight.” People usually add “I love your dress” or “your new glasses are so cool” or “your makeup is stellar” or something if they mean your appearance specifically. (At least, when addressing women.) I think it I just meant generally the person sure cleans up nice I’d say “you look really nice today” or something like that.

So I guess I would expect:
“You look great!”
“Aw, thanks. I just hiked across Central Asia.”

“You look great, I love that color.”
“Thanks! I got it on Etsy!”

“You look really nice.”
“Thanks, you too!” if true, otherwise “Thanks, Larla and I are going out to dinner later. How’s the weeding going?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t sound very bright or confident.

The only expected and appropriate response is: “Thank you.”

—No self-depreciation. (“Oh really, because I up like 7lbs this week!”)
—No obligatory return compliment.
—No silence.
—You may add to the “thank you” a “That’s sweet of you to say.”

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t sound very bright or confident.

The only expected and appropriate response is: “Thank you.”

—No self-depreciation. (“Oh really, because I up like 7lbs this week!”)
—No obligatory return compliment.
—No silence.
—You may add to the “thank you” a “That’s sweet of you to say.”

This.

Yup. I’ve learned to take the compliment and say “thank you”