Explain to me “my most authentic self”

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen in various posts, articles, social media references to authentic self and it’s now hit closer to home and I’m not sure what it means.

A family member with whom I’m FB friends but otherwise not close about a year ago announced she was bi and dating a woman who presented in a more stereotypically masculine way. A few months ago they broke up. Two weeks ago a FB post to “please from now on call me X. It more appropriately reflects my authentic self.” The change isn’t from a feminine to a masculine name, it’s the first syllable of the given name. Think “I used to be Emily but please call me Em since that reflects my authentic self.” More posts about how she’s now asked all her colleagues to call her X and how much courage it took because it’s authentic.

I’m not judging, im trying to gain insight and understand it’s not like she suddenly said my name is Joe, please use a different pronoun so I’m not understanding what to her is clearly a big deal. It clearly is though so I’d like to try and understand more and not just nod my head without a real understanding b

[Anonymous]

I second this question.I also hear "be your authentic self!!!!" in leadership courses and have no clue what it means. Then they go on and try to get us to mimic successful leaders. What's authentic about copying someone else?

[Anonymous]

Some people are comfortable in their own skin from day 1. Very lucky people.

Many (most?) are on a journey to find their real selves, someone who wasn’t named and shaped and molded by their parents, who had possibly very different ideas about what they wanted in a child.

I dropped my middle name. That was a better representation of how I viewed myself. I was the only person in the family not named after someone. Names mean a lot to me. So to me there was no need to keep a frivolous middle name. Gone. Might sound bizarre to others. It just felt right to me.

Your family member may be doing something similar. We all have different ways of seeking self awareness, and this may be her way.

[Anonymous]

Some people are by nature attention seekers and make a big deal out of symbolism and every small things in their life. Certain types of young women are most susceptible to this.

Other people are made of stronger stuff and know it's meaningless and life is all about just getting on with life and don't play these identity or "awareness" games.

There is often a clash between what's important for the former and what's silly to the latter.

Just be polite about it. I'd roll my eyes but call her what she wants to be called. Odds are pretty good she will change or go back to her old name at some point.

[Anonymous]

It's just a buzzword. People are lost confused scared sad etc and they will do and say all different things that they think will bring them a sense of happiness and peace. Some people go farther than others and some want to be public and get attention for their efforts.

I usually just go along with any 'true self' or 'authentic self' proclamations and accept this is a person who is struggling and that's their way of telling me.

[Anonymous]

All you have to do is write and say...”this sounds like a big announcement for you... you say that reflects your more Authentic self and I would love to know more about it...What does that mean for you?” Then listen and say congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Authentic self generally means you’re dropping the facade and being who you want to be. I used to go to church because it was expected of me. I never really believed in what I was taught there. Eventually I stopped going and was able to be my authentic self, not someone who pretends to be someone else to please others. I used to only crochet at home because I didn’t want to seem like an old lady on the train. When I was in my early 30s I stopped giving any f’s about if people thought whatever they might think about a lady who crochets on the train, and I was able to be my authentic self instead of someone trying to avoid a certain image.

As far as her name goes, maybe she just needs a change. She’s turning over a new leaf in other parts of her life, so for whatever reason she’s chosen to do that with her name too. If you’re close, you could ask her how her name change is a reflection of her authentic self. I wouldn’t do it publicly on FB. Maybe a pm or a text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are by nature attention seekers and make a big deal out of symbolism and every small things in their life. Certain types of young women are most susceptible to this.

Other people are made of stronger stuff and know it's meaningless and life is all about just getting on with life and don't play these identity or "awareness" games.

There is often a clash between what's important for the former and what's silly to the latter.

Just be polite about it. I'd roll my eyes but call her what she wants to be called. Odds are pretty good she will change or go back to her old name at some point.

Agree. People w nothing to bite in to try out various fads and media included silliness, even tho it is for 0.0001% of the population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Authentic self generally means you’re dropping the facade and being who you want to be. I used to go to church because it was expected of me. I never really believed in what I was taught there. Eventually I stopped going and was able to be my authentic self, not someone who pretends to be someone else to please others. I used to only crochet at home because I didn’t want to seem like an old lady on the train. When I was in my early 30s I stopped giving any f’s about if people thought whatever they might think about a lady who crochets on the train, and I was able to be my authentic self instead of someone trying to avoid a certain image.

As far as her name goes, maybe she just needs a change. She’s turning over a new leaf in other parts of her life, so for whatever reason she’s chosen to do that with her name too. If you’re close, you could ask her how her name change is a reflection of her authentic self. I wouldn’t do it publicly on FB. Maybe a pm or a text.

This.

OP, I think if you set aside what ever you think about Em’s sexuality and gender presentation, you’ll find her request more reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are by nature attention seekers and make a big deal out of symbolism and every small things in their life. Certain types of young women are most susceptible to this.

Other people are made of stronger stuff and know it's meaningless and life is all about just getting on with life and don't play these identity or "awareness" games.

There is often a clash between what's important for the former and what's silly to the latter.

Just be polite about it. I'd roll my eyes but call her what she wants to be called. Odds are pretty good she will change or go back to her old name at some point.

Why would you roll your eyes?

What would it cost you to call someone a different name?

You are definitely not made of stronger stuff if "silly" stuff like this annoys you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Authentic self generally means you’re dropping the facade and being who you want to be. I used to go to church because it was expected of me. I never really believed in what I was taught there. Eventually I stopped going and was able to be my authentic self, not someone who pretends to be someone else to please others. I used to only crochet at home because I didn’t want to seem like an old lady on the train. When I was in my early 30s I stopped giving any f’s about if people thought whatever they might think about a lady who crochets on the train, and I was able to be my authentic self instead of someone trying to avoid a certain image.

As far as her name goes, maybe she just needs a change. She’s turning over a new leaf in other parts of her life, so for whatever reason she’s chosen to do that with her name too. If you’re close, you could ask her how her name change is a reflection of her authentic self. I wouldn’t do it publicly on FB. Maybe a pm or a text.

This.

OP, I think if you set aside what ever you think about Em’s sexuality and gender presentation, you’ll find her request more reasonable.

It does not even have to be reasonable. She likes it, it doesn't cost you anything. NBD.

I had cousins and aunts who changed their name because they did not like the ones that they were given (one of them is very similar to Oprah. lol) Even their parents, who gave them the original names never thought twice about calling them by the new names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are by nature attention seekers and make a big deal out of symbolism and every small things in their life. Certain types of young women are most susceptible to this.

Other people are made of stronger stuff and know it's meaningless and life is all about just getting on with life and don't play these identity or "awareness" games.

There is often a clash between what's important for the former and what's silly to the latter.

Just be polite about it. I'd roll my eyes but call her what she wants to be called. Odds are pretty good she will change or go back to her old name at some point.

Why would you roll your eyes?

What would it cost you to call someone a different name?

You are definitely not made of stronger stuff if "silly" stuff like this annoys you.

What's a name? Why does a new name mean anything different? You are who you are, a name doesn't change that.

That's the difference between the two types of people. The people who place great importance in a name change and the imaginary symbolism they associate with it and that somehow changing a name means you become a new person, and those who know it's just a name.

[Anonymous]

OP. I don’t find the request unreasonable or a big deal, as some PPs mentioned. I was Jennifer until I got to college and switched to using Jen. Liked Jen better but there were four Jen’s in my high school class so i transitioned to the nickname one I got to college. I didn’t feel any major emotional transformation, just using a nickname I preferred.

Maybe it is simply the social media world we live in that anything is a big deal, but I wondered what I was missing since for her she is making announcements in her professional and personal life that using this nickname is a major event wrapped up in her identity.

[Anonymous]

Another navel-gazer, OP, don't waste your time wondering about it.

[Anonymous]

Your true, authentic self is who you are absent all the labels. Remove you job title, your role in your family, your education level, your ethnicity/race, your gender, ..... Your authentic self is the being you are at the soul level. We are spiritual beings temporarily using the human body so that we can navigate in this physical world. Who you are absent that body is your authentic self.