DE Cold Feet

[Anonymous]

I'm waiting for PGS results for a DE retrieval and will be scheduling transfer. I'm excited for the chance, but also still have a nagging desire to try OE "just one more time." So maybe it's not cold feet exactly, since I would definitely do DE, I'm just apparently not fully convinced OE won't work, although I should be (over 40 and MF). I already did my "one more try" more than once, but the last time had much better results than the prior cycles, but ended in a chemical. I think this will go away if DE transfer works. Anyone else that did DE feel this way? DE was never a big mental leap for me. Maybe it's just that I feel like I failed or that I'm quitting? In any event, I don't think I'm going to change my mind about timing, but I didn't expect to feel this way. I thought I'd be thrilled to be closer to the end and stop the hemorrhage of time, emotion and $. (Yes, I know DE isn't a guarantee, but we worked with a proven donor and our issue seems to be egg quality)

[Anonymous]

I can't speak to this exact situation but it's normal to get mild cold feet before a huge decision or event. Just go for it. If it works, you'll be happy you did. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are perfectly normal. Can you afford to do one last OE cycle just to put your mind at rest?

[Anonymous]

Being nervous is understandable but I think it will go away if you get pregnant with DE (and there is a really good chance you will). After the rollercoaster of OE IVF, success and moving on with your life is such a relief. I am 3 weeks from delivering my third DE baby in five years after 8 years of OE IVF hell. My kids and my life are amazing!

[Anonymous]

If you have that nagging feeling, I would try one more time or as many as needed until you feel at peace. It's a big decision.

[Anonymous]

If you try one more time, will that provide the closure you need?
Because it sounds like you've already tried "one more time"?
Not trying to be unkind, just asking - what would it take for you to reach closure to move forward?
And if perhaps there will never be full closure, can you still be comfortable moving forward?
I think that so often we have no choice but to move forward, even when faced with some uncertainty, it's just a matter of how much uncertainty can you tolerate.
I suspect (speaking as someone who became pregnant with a DE PGS-tested embryo as then lost it through early miscarriage) that even if you move forward, you may experience relapses of anxiety/uncertainty.
And that's all normal!!!!

[Anonymous]

Why are you not fully convinced OE won't work? You say you're over 40 but don't specify your exact age. And how many IVF cycles have you already gone through? How long have you been TTC? Have you received a second opinion?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. I'm definitely going to do the DE transfer. I already did "one more" - twice, while I was doing the admin and then the scheduling for the DE cycle. I didn't want to feel like I was doing nothing. I kinda thought I'd have gotten over it, but I'm terribly stubborn. I guess it's hard to get out of OE IVF unsuccessfully without some baggage - I wish I'd done what turned out to be the "best" protocol from the beginning (which was 2 years ago) - but I'm also not willing to repeat the past 2 years and I know I made good, rational decisions about the cycles I did (many consults, different REs/clinics, etc), so it's hard to say I have regrets, even though that's a bit how it feels right now. After having been super excited and happy about DE, I was just really surprised to be feeling this way, so it's helpful to have the external reassurance. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe it would be useful to spend an hour talking this through w/ the counselor you probably saw as part of the DE process? I think your feelings are entirely reasonable, and probably connected to deeper issues - which maybe you can expunge a bit with some thoughtful discussion.

Good luck w/ your transfer!!