Sister Issues

[Anonymous]

This has been an on going thing for ages with my sister and I'm about to lose it. Our daughters are very close in age. We just had my daughter's party and we had a person in character come and entertain the kids. It was super cute, a nice distraction for the kids and parents were actually able to converse, the girl who was the character was so sweet. Everyone seemed to have a good time, kids + parents.

Well, we were at dinner with my family this weekend and my sister was going on and on about how the girl that was the character from the party looked like a streetwalker (I can assure you she didn't) and how her daughter was soooooooo bored that she wanted to go play in my daughter's room. That most definitely did not happen. Her daughter was engaged and having fun the entire time. The many pictures I have from the party confirm this. Then the girls went outside with my dad to run around and she claims her daughter got bitten so bad because of "all the bugs at our house" - she says her neighborhood doesn't have bugs

Additionally, while she was at my house, she made jabs at my hair and makeup and also the state of our house (which was pristine - we have it professionally cleaned)

I know this seems pretty minor, but it's always something with her and I'm exhausted. Anytime I politely tell her to shut it, she goes off about how I'm sooooooooo sensitive. Maybe I am, but I can't think of any world where comments like that wouldn't be viewed as rude??

[Anonymous]

Those comments are rude.

Next time, I would give her a long look and say "huh, interesting." And change the subject.

If it is stressful to spend time with her, then minimize exposure.

[Anonymous]

Is she trying to be hurtful or clueless? Mine is completely clueless and when she makes comments directly call her out on them. She becomes flustered and apologizes. I tell mine she is rude all the time. She’s like this to everyone though, not just me. My parents don’t say anything when they get offended but they complain to me, knowing I will say something to her.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I read it again. You are politely telling her. Directly tell her to stop or she will no longer be invited and that she is being hurtful.

[Anonymous]

OP here ... I have no doubt she is doing it to be hurtful

[Anonymous]

She’s obviously trying to get a reaction from you by being critical of everything you do. She is deeply envious and insecure when she compares herself to you and so tries to bring you down to feel better. Master the shrug and respond with the positive. “We enjoyed having Niece there. Let me know if she’d like to see the pics. She looks great!”

[Anonymous]

If it were my in-law, I’d go with what 15:05 said, but if it were my own sister I probably couldn’t resist saying, “well, if the party was so i enjoyable for you and DD, would you prefer not to be invited next time?”

[Anonymous]

^^unenjoyable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s obviously trying to get a reaction from you by being critical of everything you do. She is deeply envious and insecure when she compares herself to you and so tries to bring you down to feel better. Master the shrug and respond with the positive. “We enjoyed having Niece there. Let me know if she’d like to see the pics. She looks great!”

This.

Yiur sister is a green monster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s obviously trying to get a reaction from you by being critical of everything you do. She is deeply envious and insecure when she compares herself to you and so tries to bring you down to feel better. Master the shrug and respond with the positive. “We enjoyed having Niece there. Let me know if she’d like to see the pics. She looks great!”

This.

Yiur sister is a green monster.

OP here.

I actually really doubt this. She is the favorite of my mom's and the beautiful one.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life ... but I don't think jealousy is in play here. Just being honest.

[Anonymous]

Ignore every single opinion comment. Even the positive ones.

Huh
Hmm
Interesting
Uhh

Those are the only response she should get. Then you move along and change the subject. Kill her with your upbeat cheeriness. Eventually it will be a fun game because the disses will get bigger as she tries to get a reaction out of you. Treat it all like a fun game "oh Sally!" and walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s obviously trying to get a reaction from you by being critical of everything you do. She is deeply envious and insecure when she compares herself to you and so tries to bring you down to feel better. Master the shrug and respond with the positive. “We enjoyed having Niece there. Let me know if she’d like to see the pics. She looks great!”

This.

Yiur sister is a green monster.

OP here.

I actually really doubt this. She is the favorite of my mom's and the beautiful one.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life ... but I don't think jealousy is in play here. Just being honest.

Yea, right. Shes miserable and despite her beauty (that will fade) and your moms favoritism (that is dysfunctional) she is still miserable and jealous that you are not. She's jealous of something...your happy family...your life choices, your happiness....something about you makes her seeth with anger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has been an on going thing for ages with my sister and I'm about to lose it. Our daughters are very close in age. We just had my daughter's party and we had a person in character come and entertain the kids. It was super cute, a nice distraction for the kids and parents were actually able to converse, the girl who was the character was so sweet. Everyone seemed to have a good time, kids + parents.

Well, we were at dinner with my family this weekend and my sister was going on and on about how the girl that was the character from the party looked like a streetwalker (I can assure you she didn't) and how her daughter was soooooooo bored that she wanted to go play in my daughter's room. That most definitely did not happen. Her daughter was engaged and having fun the entire time. The many pictures I have from the party confirm this. Then the girls went outside with my dad to run around and she claims her daughter got bitten so bad because of "all the bugs at our house" - she says her neighborhood doesn't have bugs

Additionally, while she was at my house, she made jabs at my hair and makeup and also the state of our house (which was pristine - we have it professionally cleaned)

I know this seems pretty minor, but it's always something with her and I'm exhausted. Anytime I politely tell her to shut it, she goes off about how I'm sooooooooo sensitive. Maybe I am, but I can't think of any world where comments like that wouldn't be viewed as rude??

Ugh, I hate when siblings do this. OP you should really call her out on it. Tell her, "Sis, please don't come next time if it was such a horrible time. I don't have to invite you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s obviously trying to get a reaction from you by being critical of everything you do. She is deeply envious and insecure when she compares herself to you and so tries to bring you down to feel better. Master the shrug and respond with the positive. “We enjoyed having Niece there. Let me know if she’d like to see the pics. She looks great!”

This.

Yiur sister is a green monster.

OP here.

I actually really doubt this. She is the favorite of my mom's and the beautiful one.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life ... but I don't think jealousy is in play here. Just being honest.

Yea, right. Shes miserable and despite her beauty (that will fade) and your moms favoritism (that is dysfunctional) she is still miserable and jealous that you are not. She's jealous of something...your happy family...your life choices, your happiness....something about you makes her seeth with anger

NP here. I actually it’s jealousy about something, or at least a bizarre inability to be happy for you. Are you wealthier? A SAHM? Is your husband nicer? Is your daughter more easy-going? Something is going on.

That said, I agree the non-reaction (hmm, uh-huh, etc.) is probably the best reply. My SIL isn’t rude like this but is a major bragger (and they are legit way wealthier than us) but I just cannot fawn or gushingly admire everything she brags about, so I just say “uh huh, that’s nice” in kind of a monotone way.

[Anonymous]

Yup. The non-response response. Shrug and say, "Huh." Just do not rise to the bait. And I'd spend as little time with her as possible.