If a family member is experiencing marital issues ...

[Anonymous]

My brother is staying with my parents now, for the past week. I haven’t seen my SIL for close to 5+ months, my brother always said she was “busy” and never offered explanation.

Do I ask him about it? Say anything? Obviously I shouldn’t reach out to SIL?

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t you normally talk to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn’t you normally talk to her?

No, we text occasionally but we haven’t since Christmas.

Most communication is through my brother.

[Anonymous]

You call and say "I'm not looking to pry, but I was surprised to hear you were staying at Mom's. I want you to know I love you and I'm here"

[Anonymous]

Say nothing. He knows you know he’s at their house. If you are close, just keep communication normal and he will talk when he’s ready. This time next week he could be back at home and grateful for not have had to talk about it any more than necessary.

[Anonymous]

I have the sort of relationship with my brothers that I’d just ask. I doubt that I’d ask a SIL - I’m friendly with all and close with some, but this is just the sort of thing I’d want to talk to my brothers about.

[Anonymous]

When he/she/they have something they'll want to share with you, they'll share.

Do you think he doesn't have your phone number?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You call and say "I'm not looking to pry, but I was surprised to hear you were staying at Mom's. I want you to know I love you and I'm here"

Except...
1) You would be prying
2) He (presumably) already knows you love him
3) He (presumably) already knows you're here

It is very rare, for this day and age, for people to be private, discreet, tactful and patient. Surprise him with the gift of being those things right now. When he has something to tell you that he is ready to tell you, he will tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You call and say "I'm not looking to pry, but I was surprised to hear you were staying at Mom's. I want you to know I love you and I'm here"

Except...
1) You would be prying
2) He (presumably) already knows you love him
3) He (presumably) already knows you're here

It is very rare, for this day and age, for people to be private, discreet, tactful and patient. Surprise him with the gift of being those things right now. When he has something to tell you that he is ready to tell you, he will tell you.

+1 Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You call and say "I'm not looking to pry, but I was surprised to hear you were staying at Mom's. I want you to know I love you and I'm here"

Except...
1) You would be prying
2) He (presumably) already knows you love him
3) He (presumably) already knows you're here

It is very rare, for this day and age, for people to be private, discreet, tactful and patient. Surprise him with the gift of being those things right now. When he has something to tell you that he is ready to tell you, he will tell you.

+1 Well said.

But sometimes people don't reach out for reasons that are about embarrassment or pride. And they actually do want to hear from a loved one.

If worried about prying, text the message. The point is to say "I love you" but not force a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn’t you normally talk to her?

That's my question, but I also talk to my SIL a few times a week. I like her better than my brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You call and say "I'm not looking to pry, but I was surprised to hear you were staying at Mom's. I want you to know I love you and I'm here"

Except...
1) You would be prying
2) He (presumably) already knows you love him
3) He (presumably) already knows you're here

It is very rare, for this day and age, for people to be private, discreet, tactful and patient. Surprise him with the gift of being those things right now. When he has something to tell you that he is ready to tell you, he will tell you.

+1 Well said.

But sometimes people don't reach out for reasons that are about embarrassment or pride. And they actually do want to hear from a loved one.

If worried about prying, text the message. The point is to say "I love you" but not force a conversation.

So just reach out for a "regular" reason, like to ask what Jimmy wants for his birthday, or to say you have an awesome book recommendation.

Again, some more, when people are ready to tell you something, they will tell you. *It may not be exactly when YOU think you deserve to know.*

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say nothing. He knows you know he’s at their house. If you are close, just keep communication normal and he will talk when he’s ready. This time next week he could be back at home and grateful for not have had to talk about it any more than necessary.

This. Things are not good between DH and myself right now. We are basically splitting up the weekends so one of us is home with the kids and they can have some calm fun time with each parent without tension. We both realize this is a rough patch but we have no plans on divorcing. We need space. I’m glad we have no local family because the last thing I want to do is talk about it. I’m actually eating ice cream in my car right now and I spend a lot of time on DCUM these days to relax. It’s a phase and we will get through this. Best wishes to your brother. It isn’t easy.