Hebrew school or not?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a Conservative Jewish household. We only went to synagogue on the High Holidays, but we observed other "big" holidays with family meals. I had to go to Hebrew school 3x/week and really resented it. I lived in an area with a lot of other Jewish families growing up and this seemed to be the norm, although a lot of other families belonged to Reform congregations, but the Conservative one was close to my house which is why my parents joined that one.

As an adult, I can count the number of times I've been to synagogue on one hand. I have a 6 year old son, and am going back and forth with the thought of sending him to Hebrew school or not. DH and I talked and both are leaning toward him becoming a Bar Mitzvah, so we know that if we want that for him we need to start his religious education soon. We live about 10 minutes away from a Reform congregation, and religious school would only be on Sundays until he gets to be in 4th grade, and then it would be one weeknight and Sunday mornings.

The thing is, I don't really culturally identify with being Jewish anymore. That part of my life feels like it's very far in the past, and it makes me feel uncomfortable to think about getting involved with a synagogue. In our house, we pretty much light the Hanukkah candles and then attend family dinners for other holidays. That's the extent of our religious life. My train of thought is that by giving DS a Jewish education, he can at least be informed and then choose later in his life whether or not he wants to continue with religion. If it didn't cost a lot of money to join a synagogue and pay for religious school, I think it wouldn't be as much of a question but the reality is that it does cost money.

Has anyone else had similar circumstances? Did you regret either sending your kids to religious school or not sending them to religious school? Are you glad you did or didn't?

[Anonymous]

It has always been important to us to give our children some kind of religious education so that they can make informed decisions when they’re older.

For us that means a Hebrew school that meets weekly & private tutoring for a year to prepare for bar mitzvah (our DS is 12, our shul is tiny but warm and welcoming) and we think that gives us the all the best parts of what we want for him/them (DD is 4, so no Hebrew school yet)

[Anonymous]

We didn’t do it and I regret it a little bit. My parents and in laws really weren’t happy with the decision either.

[Anonymous]

Try Chabad OP. There’s no membership costs and the Hebrew fees are affordable. Best of all, it’s just one Sunday per week for 2 hours— even as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t do it and I regret it a little bit. My parents and in laws really weren’t happy with the decision either.

This. I regretted it. It made our family distant towards us and honestly it was the lazy way out. Not to mention getting thru everyone eles bat and bar mitzvahs made my own kods resentful too! And there's like a good 2-3 years of that BTW. It's not a one day or one season thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try Chabad OP. There’s no membership costs and the Hebrew fees are affordable. Best of all, it’s just one Sunday per week for 2 hours— even as they get older.

You’re suggesting Chabad to someone who barely goes to temple? It’s orthodox.

[Anonymous]

I can't say Hebrew school was fun, but it was something the kids did together, and it gave him some skills.

The bar mitzvah was wonderful. It is amazing to see your kid up there, doing all those things.

However, you can't talk about how awful the experience was for you. Instead, search a bit and find a shul you like. And you have to walk the walk for a bit. Also, around here, tons of kids have Saturday school for something, so it is t that unusual.

[Anonymous]

Another option would be Moed, which is an afterschool program that introduces Hebrew and holiday celebration in a more secular fashion. http://www.moedcommunity.org/. Give your kids a framework, and if they reject it, they reject. Hebrew school has also changed a lot since you were a kid, there is more of an emphasis on fun, modern Hebrew, Israeli/women teachers - it's not like the old Ashke-normative, fusty Hebrew school of yore.

[Anonymous]

We live in an area where there aren’t so many Jews at my kids’ school. I wanted them to know other Jewish kids so we joined a syngoague and they are doing religious / Hebrew school. Historically, no regrets, but my oldest is embarking on the second day per week for grades 4-7 and I think that’s going to be rough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another option would be Moed, which is an afterschool program that introduces Hebrew and holiday celebration in a more secular fashion. http://www.moedcommunity.org/. Give your kids a framework, and if they reject it, they reject. Hebrew school has also changed a lot since you were a kid, there is more of an emphasis on fun, modern Hebrew, Israeli/women teachers - it's not like the old Ashke-normative, fusty Hebrew school of yore.

Someone let in a refugee from Jewbook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Conservative Jewish household. We only went to synagogue on the High Holidays, but we observed other "big" holidays with family meals. I had to go to Hebrew school 3x/week and really resented it. I lived in an area with a lot of other Jewish families growing up and this seemed to be the norm, although a lot of other families belonged to Reform congregations, but the Conservative one was close to my house which is why my parents joined that one.

The classic formula for turning kids off to Judaism. Kids learn from what their parents value. Its unlikely if you repeat this (even more watered down) that your kids will have any interest in being Jewish, and they will hate Hebrew school, even more, despite the lovely Israeli women. They are more likely to end up Jewish if you raise them Baptist.

[Anonymous]

if you're not so into the religion but want to give your son a sense of the culture (which I realize might be the exact opposite of what you're hoping for) you could look at Machar, which is secular humanist.

[Anonymous]

We decided late, by the time DS was in 3rd grade. He goes once on Sundays and once afternoon during the week. To our surprise, he loves it. The synagogue was welcoming to us even though we practice mostly like OP described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another option would be Moed, which is an afterschool program that introduces Hebrew and holiday celebration in a more secular fashion. http://www.moedcommunity.org/. Give your kids a framework, and if they reject it, they reject. Hebrew school has also changed a lot since you were a kid, there is more of an emphasis on fun, modern Hebrew, Israeli/women teachers - it's not like the old Ashke-normative, fusty Hebrew school of yore.

Someone let in a refugee from Jewbook?

Had to google what that is - nope just a Gen X half Sephardic Jewess Hebrew School teacher.


.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try Chabad OP. There’s no membership costs and the Hebrew fees are affordable. Best of all, it’s just one Sunday per week for 2 hours— even as they get older.

You’re suggesting Chabad to someone who barely goes to temple? It’s orthodox.

Yes! People make so many assumptions about Chabad that simply aren’t true. Kids who go to Chabad are mostly not observant. I have never felt more accepted and comfortable. We still rarely go to synagogue but our kids are learning Judaism in its most traditional fashion and they can pick and choose what they would like to incorporate in their lives when they are adults and have families of their own.

My son went to a conservative Hebrew school for two years. He hated it, we hated the scene. Felt more like high school than inclusive and welcoming. I thought that hating Hebrew school was a right of passage but it doesn’t have to be. Chabad is genuine, sincere and their teaching techniques are amazing. My kids have learned more Hebrew in one year going once a week than they ever did 2x a week for 2 years.