Grandparents, lies, punishment...

[Anonymous]

My mom watched my 2 kids for a week at her place (different state) last week. This was the second summer that she watched them for a week, but this time she also had my niece and nephew there. The two older ones are teens and more or less watched themselves. My mom said she was really stressed out because my 6 year old was not playing nice with my 7 year old niece. She mentioned that when she asked my daughter if she wanted to be separated from my niece my daughter said yes. This really upset my mom because the girls rarely ever get to see each other. She said that my daughter never seemed remorseful for getting into trouble because she didn’t cry when she got yelled at like my niece did. My mom said she couldn’t wait for me to pick them up on Saturday. (kind of hurt my feelings) My mom has always said mean things out of anger and she's always angry. In this same trip my dad smacked my niece for not talking nicely to him. (I know this because he told me about it)

My mom tells me that my 6 yr old lied to her about throwing away her waffle. She said she had just put a new garbage bag in the can and when she looked in there again there was a waffle in the bag. (My daughter was the only one that had a waffle that day.) She said she asked my daughter twice if it was hers and she kept saying no. My mom tells me she had a long talk with my daughter. That’s all she told me about the situation.

After hearing this I go to talk to my daughter. I want to make sure she knows she cannot lie to her grandma and about being nicer to her cousin. My daughter then tells me that grandma made her eat the waffle out of the garbage can.

My mom never mentioned this to me. When I texted her about it she didn’t come right out and answer it. At first, she kind of made me think that my kid was lying again. We go back and forth a few times then she said that no my kid is not lying that she did make her eat it out of the garbage telling me again that it was the only thing in the bag.

How would you feel about this?

[Anonymous]

I would feel like an idiot for knowingly sending my kids to an abusive environment each summer and then getting frustrated that it's not a happy, peaceful experience.

[Anonymous]

Your parents are not able to watch children unsupervised. Its too much for them and this will not end well. They are showing signs of loosing it, not being able to handle their fustration with children and lying to you. They will snap and really end up hurting them. Your kids will have horrible memories of time with grandparents and remember this as their worst summer. You will be in a worse situation at work because this will come to a head at the most inconvenient time.

Unless you are fine with your children getting abused get them out of there now. Bite the bullet and pay for camp.

[Anonymous]

Sorry just re-read and noticed that this is only a week. Just do not send them there for a week alone anymore.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re confusing your facts because in one sentenceyour Niece and nephew are teens, and in the next, it sounds like you’re saying they’re 7. Don’t try to change the story jut to get the response you want.

These are your parents. Is it likely they would smack a child or make them eat a waffle out of the garbage? For me, that would be enough to never send them there again, but I also know my parents are capable of such things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re confusing your facts because in one sentenceyour Niece and nephew are teens, and in the next, it sounds like you’re saying they’re 7. Don’t try to change the story jut to get the response you want.

These are your parents. Is it likely they would smack a child or make them eat a waffle out of the garbage? For me, that would be enough to never send them there again, but I also know my parents are capable of such things.

I'm sorry my oldest and my sister's oldest are teens. My youngest is 6 and hers is 7.

[Anonymous]

My kid wouldn’t be going there again. Geez.

Is your 6 year old generally more strong willed than her cousin? I ask b/c I have a generally docile DD and a pretty strong willed niece and it sometimes sets up a dynamic that my neice can get into a behavioral rut because my neice senses the contrast yet lacks the maturity to really know how to change her behavior (both are 5).

From your account your doesn’t quite know how to manage these different personalities and probably set up a bad dynamic. It’s sounds like your mom wanted to humiliate your DD, and she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel like an idiot for knowingly sending my kids to an abusive environment each summer and then getting frustrated that it's not a happy, peaceful experience.

+1 Your dad slapped a 7 year old. Your mom made your kid eat out of the trash. What exactly do you need to hear to stop letting them watch your daughter??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel like an idiot for knowingly sending my kids to an abusive environment each summer and then getting frustrated that it's not a happy, peaceful experience.

+1 Your dad slapped a 7 year old. Your mom made your kid eat out of the trash. What exactly do you need to hear to stop letting them watch your daughter??

I would also feel extremely sad and angry that these were my parents. Do your sister know?

[Anonymous]

Clearly this is too much for grandma. Next year, say "no thank you".

Worse than making your kid eat the waffle was lying to you about it through omission etc. Next time it will be something bigger.

If the cousins aren't great friends, so be it.

If your kid is lying about a waffle in the trash, it is because she is fearful of a crazy reaction - turns out with just cause.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I wouldn’t like this at all. It is unfortunate it is your family. But she can’t handle it. No thanks Grandma, camp next year.

[Anonymous]

How would I feel about this?!? I would be livid if my mother treated my child like that. I would also be outraged if my father slapped my niece. I would never allow those people to be alone with my children. I would also tell my sibling so that they know what happened.

[Anonymous]

I would also be honest and tell her that making a child hit trash and slapping a seven year old is never acceptable. Let her know in advance that your children will only be with them supervised. This isn't going to be taken well and expect more lying to be the reaction. If you are not honest, you will need to concoct stories whenever you visit about why you aren't leaving the kids alone with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel like an idiot for knowingly sending my kids to an abusive environment each summer and then getting frustrated that it's not a happy, peaceful experience.

This.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Never again.