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Private School Admissions Interview and Clingy Toddler
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Anonymous
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I was wondering if anyone had an advise on how to deal with clingy toddler. I am afraid she will not let go of me and will not go with admissions staff for the interview. Has anyone had similar problem? Thanks
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Anonymous
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you know i worried alot about this when i was applying to preschools for my son. in retrospect i think how different schools dealt with this gave me alot of information about where i wanted my son to be. alot of toddlers are clingy, cranky during naptimes, etc. i just wouldn't worry about it too much since you can't really control it....
one school was fine with me staying (that's where we went actually/just liked the vibe and relaxed approach to all of this), another one had us reschedule when my son got upset about me leaving (he got in after the second playdate two months later when he seemed magically over some developmental hurdle). another one scheduled the playdate during his naptime....we took a walk around the block and played in the playground for awhile while he got over his cranky thing from being woken up early from his nap, etc. |
Anonymous
| Thank you. But I am afraid it is not something she will outgrow in the next coupld of months. She just takes much longer to adjust to new situations and i feel that admissions people will rule her out because of that. But then it means she can't get into any private school at all. |
Anonymous
| You never know, but yes there is a good chance that the top private schools will rule your child as not ready for preschool, and take her out of the running. There's not much more to do about it but see how they handle it. Why don't you widen your search to look at less competitive schools. If the schools only want non-clingy kids, then maybe they aren't the right choices for you. |
Anonymous
| Don't know what you're looking at. When my daughter went for her playdate she was 4, and I realize that's older, but there was a child in the small group who was reluctant to leave the parent. The AD got down low, talked to the child calmly and quietly, and somehow buddied her up with my kid. Off they went, and the clingy kid made the transition. Is the interview group or individual? Before you go gently/quietly talk up the plus of a fun new interaction, so your kid knows you will be separated but close by. If she is wholly unwilling, you need to find the right fit school. |
Anonymous
| I think it's really important that you figure out how to stay relaxed and soothing so she doesn't pick up on any tension. Pick the best time of day, and yes, use it to assess which schools you like best. I love 11:09's story. |
Anonymous
| i don't think being clingy means your child is not ready for preschool. They warms up sooner or later and can be just an intelligent as any other kid. They just don't make the transition as fast. |
Anonymous
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I was worried about this as well for my then 4-yr old DS. He was (and still can be) very clingy and not great with new situations. My strategy was to stay as calm as possible, not bring it up until the day before so he wouldn't have days to get anxious about it, and give him a great snack while we were in the car on our way. I also explained very matter of fact that the playdate was just for the boys and girls so they could decide if they liked the school or not and that the mommys/daddys had to stay outside. I have to say that the AD's are so experienced at this and were really good at engaging him right away. And I was pleasantly surprised when he separated easily. By the 3rd of 3 playdates we did though, he had caught on to what was going on and became really resistent. At that point, I resorted to serious bribery (an ice cream sundae) which worked like a charm.
The other thing that might be good to do if your child is not used to separating is to practice leaving her with with a friend or family member in a new setting (like the library) where she can do a fun project or something along those lines. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| No doubt about it -- the interviews are tough for clingy and shy children. If the parents are really nice about it and say the child is having kind of a tough day -- some schools are really nice about cutting some slack. It depends which schooils you are targeting. Some are more gentle than others! |
Anonymous
I agree. I'm the 2nd poster and my son was already attending a preschool and was doing just fine with separation each day when we went on the play-dates rounds for new preschool interviews. He just wasn't ready at 3 to go off with an adult he didn't know. When he went back a month later, the teacher told me how clear it was he was already used to a school environment since he was so engaged with the activities, etc. He's 4 now and he's completely fine with this kind of stuff. I would hope the ADs are experienced at this. At the school we chose, the director told me I could stay or leave, whatever I thought my child would be more comfortable with...but to step back and not be in the midst of whatever she was engaging my son with. At another school we went to the parent could stay. I have sympathy though because I know in many of the schools it's required...really turned me off from those schools. Another idea is to call the AD ahead of time and discuss it. You may not want to single yourself or your daughter out but the AD might be more open to letting you stay. The time my son got upset about going on the playdate without me, the AD tried to engage him but he wasn't open to it and just got more upset. Doesn't always work. (My son actually said very loudly "I don't want to go with that lady. I am not going, Mommy.") |
Anonymous
| OP, you're calling your child a toddler. How old is she? |
Anonymous
| She just turned 3. |
Anonymous
| My son would've been like the PP's child at that age. Now at age 4, anyone who is good w/ kids (and I would hope an AD would be) would be able to say something to get him to go w/ her or him. |
Anonymous
| I wonder what percentage of children have the same problem |
Anonymous
| this post belongs on the preschool forum |