overly critical coach

[Anonymous]

Hello,

My DD's coach nitpicks every single thing she does. Like he never has a single positive word to say to her, even though he tells me she is so talented and one of the best in the club, blah, blah, blah. Which of course I tell her he is just doing that to make her better, but at the same time, he clearly has players he just loves and praises. Like this one girl, she can be doing absolutely nothing special at all. It can be a passing drill and all she did was make the correct pass, same as everyone else. But he's all "great kiddo, that's just great" and pretty much praises everything she does. Even when she makes a mistake, he makes it the fault of another player.

It's just wearing her down. I know all the things to say and how this will just make her better, he's not doing that girl any favors, play for you and not for him, not every coach will like you. However, I can see how it bothers her. And you can never talk to any of these coaches. I'm afraid he will drive her away from the thing she loves most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello,

My DD's coach nitpicks every single thing she does. Like he never has a single positive word to say to her, even though he tells me she is so talented and one of the best in the club, blah, blah, blah. Which of course I tell her he is just doing that to make her better, but at the same time, he clearly has players he just loves and praises. Like this one girl, she can be doing absolutely nothing special at all. It can be a passing drill and all she did was make the correct pass, same as everyone else. But he's all "great kiddo, that's just great" and pretty much praises everything she does. Even when she makes a mistake, he makes it the fault of another player.

It's just wearing her down. I know all the things to say and how this will just make her better, he's not doing that girl any favors, play for you and not for him, not every coach will like you. However, I can see how it bothers her. And you can never talk to any of these coaches. I'm afraid he will drive her away from the thing she loves most.

Not sure how to help her move through this. I'm running out of things to say and they just get stale after a while. I know it's an opportunity for growth, etc. But these are still developing kids trying to find their way in the world and I want to help my DD find hers. Anyone experience this? How did you handle it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello,

My DD's coach nitpicks every single thing she does. Like he never has a single positive word to say to her, even though he tells me she is so talented and one of the best in the club, blah, blah, blah. Which of course I tell her he is just doing that to make her better, but at the same time, he clearly has players he just loves and praises. Like this one girl, she can be doing absolutely nothing special at all. It can be a passing drill and all she did was make the correct pass, same as everyone else. But he's all "great kiddo, that's just great" and pretty much praises everything she does. Even when she makes a mistake, he makes it the fault of another player.

It's just wearing her down. I know all the things to say and how this will just make her better, he's not doing that girl any favors, play for you and not for him, not every coach will like you. However, I can see how it bothers her. And you can never talk to any of these coaches. I'm afraid he will drive her away from the thing she loves most.

What age? What level of play? How long has she been playing for this coach? Do new coaches rotate in each year? Answers to these questions would help us give advice on how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello,

My DD's coach nitpicks every single thing she does. Like he never has a single positive word to say to her, even though he tells me she is so talented and one of the best in the club, blah, blah, blah. Which of course I tell her he is just doing that to make her better, but at the same time, he clearly has players he just loves and praises. Like this one girl, she can be doing absolutely nothing special at all. It can be a passing drill and all she did was make the correct pass, same as everyone else. But he's all "great kiddo, that's just great" and pretty much praises everything she does. Even when she makes a mistake, he makes it the fault of another player.

It's just wearing her down. I know all the things to say and how this will just make her better, he's not doing that girl any favors, play for you and not for him, not every coach will like you. However, I can see how it bothers her. And you can never talk to any of these coaches. I'm afraid he will drive her away from the thing she loves most.

What age? What level of play? How long has she been playing for this coach? Do new coaches rotate in each year? Answers to these questions would help us give advice on how to handle?

16, ECNL then DA. It's her 1st year playing for him. Yes, they do. It's just that he's very involved, so I don't think moving on means she is free of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello,

My DD's coach nitpicks every single thing she does. Like he never has a single positive word to say to her, even though he tells me she is so talented and one of the best in the club, blah, blah, blah. Which of course I tell her he is just doing that to make her better, but at the same time, he clearly has players he just loves and praises. Like this one girl, she can be doing absolutely nothing special at all. It can be a passing drill and all she did was make the correct pass, same as everyone else. But he's all "great kiddo, that's just great" and pretty much praises everything she does. Even when she makes a mistake, he makes it the fault of another player.

It's just wearing her down. I know all the things to say and how this will just make her better, he's not doing that girl any favors, play for you and not for him, not every coach will like you. However, I can see how it bothers her. And you can never talk to any of these coaches. I'm afraid he will drive her away from the thing she loves most.

What age? What level of play? How long has she been playing for this coach? Do new coaches rotate in each year? Answers to these questions would help us give advice on how to handle?

16, ECNL then DA. It's her 1st year playing for him. Yes, they do. It's just that he's very involved, so I don't think moving on means she is free of him.

If your DD is at that level of play she can be recruited for college from any ECNL or DA team (and top non-ECNL/DA teams). No need to stay in a bad coaching situation.

I would let her know that she can move to a new team (or perhaps back to her prior team) if she wants to. Knowing that the option of moving to another team is available (and supported by the parents) can be helpful to a player in coping with a bad coaching situation and in evaluating whether to stay or move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If your DD is at that level of play she can be recruited for college from any ECNL or DA team (and top non-ECNL/DA teams). No need to stay in a bad coaching situation.

I would let her know that she can move to a new team (or perhaps back to her prior team) if she wants to. Knowing that the option of moving to another team is available (and supported by the parents) can be helpful to a player in coping with a bad coaching situation and in evaluating whether to stay or move.

Good advice, thank you.

[Anonymous]

at that level they want players that are tough mentally and physically. the coach is testing her, how does she react under pressure, how does she handle criticism?

The same thing happens in all sports at that level and age, it is time to be a soccer player, not just be on a soccer team.

[Anonymous]

You're the customer, make a point as a concerned parent and if you don't like the response, leave.

[Anonymous]

My son had a coach like that. At the end of the season he told my son he is only hard on the kids who have potential. It changed my son’s view on tough coaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at that level they want players that are tough mentally and physically. the coach is testing her, how does she react under pressure, how does she handle criticism?

The same thing happens in all sports at that level and age, it is time to be a soccer player, not just be on a soccer team.

He's not. I wish. I said the same thing to her for a while, but in watching the year go by, he just picks on her. Even the other players have noticed.

But yes, I have told her to take it as an opportunity to grow. Not every coach will like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at that level they want players that are tough mentally and physically. the coach is testing her, how does she react under pressure, how does she handle criticism?

The same thing happens in all sports at that level and age, it is time to be a soccer player, not just be on a soccer team.

No. That is a load of BS. The job of the coach is to put the payer in a position to play to the players potential. Tearing a player down and destroying confidence is the opposite of this. Sports is about confidence in yourself, your team and your coach. The coach need to be a chameleon changing with every player and every team. Some players need someone to yell, others need an arm around them. I have seen a coach demote a player who was the best player on her team because she wanted more for the player. It destroyed the kid. The girl stop playing soccer.

OP get your daughter out of there. It will destroy her confidence and she will be done. Has she started questioning herself? The next thing she will stop being creative and taking chances. After that they will cut her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:at that level they want players that are tough mentally and physically. the coach is testing her, how does she react under pressure, how does she handle criticism?

The same thing happens in all sports at that level and age, it is time to be a soccer player, not just be on a soccer team.

No. That is a load of BS. The job of the coach is to put the payer in a position to play to the players potential. Tearing a player down and destroying confidence is the opposite of this. Sports is about confidence in yourself, your team and your coach. The coach need to be a chameleon changing with every player and every team. Some players need someone to yell, others need an arm around them. I have seen a coach demote a player who was the best player on her team because she wanted more for the player. It destroyed the kid. The girl stop playing soccer.

OP get your daughter out of there. It will destroy her confidence and she will be done. Has she started questioning herself? The next thing she will stop being creative and taking chances. After that they will cut her.

Yep she will not be playing in a year. I bet she already does not want to go to practice. Why would she.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had a coach like that. At the end of the season he told my son he is only hard on the kids who have potential. It changed my son’s view on tough coaches.

All the kids playing at the DA level have "potential," otherwise they would not have made a DA team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son had a coach like that. At the end of the season he told my son he is only hard on the kids who have potential. It changed my son’s view on tough coaches.

All the kids playing at the DA level have "potential," otherwise they would not have made a DA team.

I also think it's VERY different between girls and boys. A girls coach should know that that strategy will not work well, particularly for this age group.

https://femalecoachingnetwork.com/2015/11/24/the-difference-between-coaching-boys-and-girls/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son had a coach like that. At the end of the season he told my son he is only hard on the kids who have potential. It changed my son’s view on tough coaches.

All the kids playing at the DA level have "potential," otherwise they would not have made a DA team.

If they can’t handle criticism from a coach they don’t have the potential to go much further.