Did you use a gestational surrogate?

[Anonymous]

It's medically contraindicated for me to get pregnant. I am considering using a surrogate because of the extreme wait for both a domestic and international adoption. I have good eggs to use (as far as I know).

Will you share your story here? I'm wondering:
What was the experience like for you?
Did your partner need convincing (my DH would need a lot of convincing)?
Did it totally wreck your savings?
How did you tell your friends/family members?
In the end, was it successful for you?

I've met with a lawyer who specialized in surrogacy, but that was a few years ago. Now I am gathering information again because I just can't get a baby off my mind.

TIA!

[Anonymous]

Will you share your story here? I'm wondering:

[b]What was the experience like for you? [/b]

Our GS is currently pregnant with our twins. It has been a rollercoaster of a journey with many false starts. Our first GS failed her psychological test really badly (borderline psycho). Our second surrogate is the one we are currently pregnant through. We were initially with Shady Grove but for various reasons decided to change clinics. We still think SG is an excellent clinic and many times I regretted our decision to move. Anyway we went on to find an egg donor. The first one we found seemed perfect on paper but mid cycle she tested positive for an STD so was disqualified and the cycle was cancelled. They test before and during the cycle because as you know STDs can incubate for a few months so they test again a couple of months after the first test. By this point we are down about $25000 or more ( $ 5000 on psych tests for us and both the first and second GSs and their husbands, c$2000 on medication for the cancelled cycle, c$2000 on sundry expenses for both the GSs such as travel and hotels etc, $ 2500 in fees/compensation to the GSs for pre screening tests performed on them, 250 to the GS for cancelled cycle fee, 3600 on medical bills for both GSs' pre screening tests c$, 2000 on prescreening tests for the egg donor, and more that I cannot remember now) and we were not even pregnant yet.
SO, we found another egg donor and went through all the pre screening tests and started the second cycle. IVF with ED and GS at the clinic we chose cost about $28,000. Or GS got pregnant with the first transfer thank God and we are currently at 10 weeks.

Did your partner need convincing (my DH would need a lot of convincing)?
Big time. It took almost two years to persuade him but I knew we could not carry on until we were both on the same page. He was worried about the unknown element with using an egg donor.

Did it totally wreck your savings?

Thank God it hasn't. I got a large severence package from previous employer (took voluntary redundancy) and got another job even before I left the previous. It completely covers the cost and we have not touched savings. We will probably end up spending about $80000. Without the false starts it would have been much nearer $50000. There are many hidden costs that you are only made aware of as you go through the process.

Other expenses to expect include:
Agency fees - the agency matches you with a GS. they also provide advise throughout the process. Mine costs $9500 but some agencies charge upwards of $20000. A lot of people try to match independently because of these high fees.
Legal fees for you and your GS. I am using a great lawyer and she cost $2500. I also paid $1000 for my GS's lawyer.
GS's compensation - ours is $20k (plus $3000 for carrying twins) but may be as high as $35k for an experienced GS
GS's monthly allowance - $300 a month
The GS charges a fee for any procedure or test done on her such as the HCG, mock transfer, CVS, amnio etc and these costs are between $500 and $850 per procedure
If GS has to go on bed rest you have to cover child care and housecleaning. I pay $250 a week.
C section will cost me $6000 if it happens which is likely with multiples

There are many more if you want the full list let me know.

How did you tell your friends/family members?

Just told them. I am very open about it. Thats just my personality. Must say that during the tough disappointments it was nice having friends to talk to. BUT most friends see it like some kind of soap opera especially with all the drama that went with it so if you are going to be offended by that you may not want to tell anyone. Sometimes you feel like they don't realize that this is very real to you and the disappointments are very hard and painful to take. They just want to hear the next in the series so to speak. Most people have never met anyone doing such a thing so they are more fascinated that sympathetic sometimes. If you can take this in your stride then telling people may work.

In the end, was it successful for you?
Well we are pregnant. I find it hard not being in control, relying on second hand informatiom about my own babies and most of all always praying that the babies and the GS remain healthy and go to full term. I cannot pretend it has not been hard. We started the process last October and got pregnant this August. BUT to me it is worth it for the sake of those two little ones. there are many journeys that run much smoother than mine so do not be discouraged but what mine can reach you is to be prepared for anything. If the agency says it will cost you $50000 put aside another $30000 just in case. There are many incidentals that they don't mention.

I will be happy to talk to you. Just let me know and I will give you an email address or telephone number. If you want to do this it really helps having someone who understands to talk to. I don't know what your husband is like but with mine if there is not a problem that he can solve he does not see the point in talking about it. But for me "hurry up and wait " of surrogacy is hard and the counting of the days while the GS is pregnant is super hard and a listening ear is worth a great deal.

Sorry for all the typos - very tired.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for responding. The sheer cost of this is overwhelming. I'm going to digest this for a while, and repost on this thread if I have follow up questions.
If anyone else has experienced a gestational surrogate, meanwhile, feel free to post.

[Anonymous]

Correction to above- the c section fee to the GS is 2000 not 6000. Was mixing that up with the fee for carrying triplets.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP but thank you so much for the detailed response! We are considering options...surrogacy or adoption. I'm looking for a GS only with the hopes of being able to use my own eggs. (The only certainty is that I can not carry) The cost is what is clearly what is holding us back. My husband would be all for it but limits conversations because the financial end may likely make it something that is not an option at all.

In any case, best of luck to you! It sounds like you've had a tough road, but it's very much appreciated that you took the time to share your experience.