do you ever feel like your spouse handles a childhood stage better than you do?

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM for three years. Our kids are both under 5. Lately, I feel like I'm the worst parent. They just, don't, listen-- to me. We've been taking them out on weekends to parks, outdoor shows and festivals, etc. Lately, I just don't want to go anymore. I'm worn down by the fits and my 4 year old's refusal to listen. For whatever reason, my husband seems to handle it better. They don't give him half the crap they give me.

So this weekend, I've decided that he can take them out to the farmer's market or a music show. I'm not going. I'm going to a cafe instead to eat lunch alone, to take a drive to a spa, or work out. Anything but deal with an outing. I just don't enjoy the experience because of the bad behavior. I can't even drink a cup of coffee without someone fighting over a toy or complaining about the wrong color ice pop or slapping their sibling on the head and causing a scene.

I feel like they just don't listen to me. Maybe they need a sort of break from me and I from them, and more dad time. Have any of your felt like this?

[Anonymous]

I'm the parent they listen to. You may not have this issue, but I read the children far better than my husband does, so I can stave off unwanted behaviors before they happen, and can also manage the ones that pop up without warning because I see easily why they're doing what they're doing (boredom, fatigue, hunger, et). So I come up with the right response, usually, instead of trying to muddle through and then resort to yelling, like my husband.

It's a good idea to take a break, OP, because you need to take care of yourself. You're probably not getting adequate sleep, either. Can you rework your daily routine so as to have more "me" time?

And then observe your kids and see if you can pre-empt some behaviors, and develop sneakier ways to deal with the ones that come up.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Some kids behave worst around those adults they see the most frequently. One of mine was like this (but only one, so don't say it's only because of my poor parenting abilities), he is an angel for teachers or anyone else and could be a nightmare at home. He's growing out of it now at age 7.

Aside from that phenomenon, I think some adults just have an ability to handle certain kid phases. I've found that I'm better with older kids than with toddlers. DH is amazing with babies. Don't know yet which of us will shine with teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Worse. Our nanny handles all childhood stages better than we do. DD tows the line with her nanny. Bedtime and nap time with us takes over an hour with tears and begging. Nanny gets it done in 15 minutes with a happy child and a cheery "good night, nanny".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the parent they listen to. You may not have this issue, but I read the children far better than my husband does, so I can stave off unwanted behaviors before they happen, and can also manage the ones that pop up without warning because I see easily why they're doing what they're doing (boredom, fatigue, hunger, et). So I come up with the right response, usually, instead of trying to muddle through and then resort to yelling, like my husband.

It's a good idea to take a break, OP, because you need to take care of yourself. You're probably not getting adequate sleep, either. Can you rework your daily routine so as to have more "me" time?

And then observe your kids and see if you can pre-empt some behaviors, and develop sneakier ways to deal with the ones that come up.

Oh, good god lady. I doubt your kids are well behaved because you stave off all behaviors. You likely have well behaved kids or very young children. I had one with disabilities and one who was prone to meltdowns and defiance and is actually a genius - not a dcum he ius but on tests. You can think what you want, but there wa k “staving” off either kids’ behavior from 3-5. After that, sure. They were great. 3-5 sucked. It sucks for a lot of us.

[Anonymous]

It comes and goes. Last week our 1 year old was driving my DH nuts and our 5 year old had me really worn out. The 5 year old got some “daddy-daughter time” while I stayed home with the 1 year old and we both were able to reset a bit.

[Anonymous]

My husband is better with young babies. I find them boring. He finds them captivating. He’s about useless after that though.

[Anonymous]

DH definitely handles the newborn phase better than I do. We also trade off with the kids, who are now the ages of yours. It might be less of a who’s-better issue and more of a you-need-to-recharge-your-patience issue. I am better with my kids when I’m not dealing with them all the time. I’m a SAHM too. My best parenting happens right after I’ve had a little break.

[Anonymous]

Our kids are generally pretty well behaved. But I am just totally not a kid person and my kids know it. And they know DH DOES like playing with them. When I'm playing with them, when I walk away they say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Yes. And we're in one of them right now, while DH is away on business for the third week in a row. I feel like I might lose my mind!!

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal. Sahm here and am totally burnt out, annoyed, and at my wits end. Dh is a rock star the moment he comes through the door from work or on weekends. Like a pied piper they happily follow him. I should swallow my pride and not be resentful, but I am.
I found giving myself a time out helps. Just a break from everyone alone in my room with a bag of m&ms. Also, choosing my battles a lot more. Starting a bit more autonomy too. Sometimes I'll tell the kids to stop fighting by giving them a chore -larlo, you can hum, but do so on the living room while dusting.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any suggestions, OP, but I wanted to say sorry --that sounds really frustrating. I hope it gets better for you. It sounds like you went back to work; has that helped? (Also a SAHM, to two year old and on on the way)

[Anonymous]

It's normal. Frankly, I handled the terrible twos a million times better than my husband did, but he was a magical baby whisperer. Different ages, stages, personalities, etc., just might click better with one parent or the other. Just take a break when you need to, and don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Parenting has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world! I’m glad you are taking a little time out for yourself. That’s important and healthy. My kids went through phases and some were very difficult for me. One thing that helped me muddle through parenthood many times and much better was listening to the broadcasts on focus on the family either on the radio or the pre-recorded ones they offer on-line. They have knowledgeable speakers who offer good, sound advice on every aspect of parenting. They also have a great bookstore. I really encourage you to check them out. You may want to consider a date night with hubby once a week too so you both can have a break. Parenting is stressful but it’s the most important job you will ever have. <3 I’m glad you reached out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenting has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world! I’m glad you are taking a little time out for yourself. That’s important and healthy. My kids went through phases and some were very difficult for me. One thing that helped me muddle through parenthood many times and much better was listening to the broadcasts on focus on the family either on the radio or the pre-recorded ones they offer on-line. They have knowledgeable speakers who offer good, sound advice on every aspect of parenting. They also have a great bookstore. I really encourage you to check them out. You may want to consider a date night with hubby once a week too so you both can have a break. Parenting is stressful but it’s the most important job you will ever have. <3 I’m glad you reached out!

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