Step daughter tutoring

[Anonymous]

My step daughter stays with us more frequently in the summer. Her mom mentioned she has tutoring 2x a week in the summer. Dh didn't realize this and asked about the cost. Her mom said "It's rather expensive so I didn't want to ask you to split it. I really think it's worth it and I don't mind." I'm thinking ok great. Dh plans on asking the tutor directly and pay her on "pur day" , thus splitting the cost. I am annoyed bc we already gave her mom 1300 dollars this summer when splitting camps. I think to spend thousands of dollars during the summer on a 11 yr old is insane. I asked if TH wants to drop the day she's here and just let her mom pay for the day she goes with her and he "isn't interested in altering her schedule." This woman gets a ton of money from us and I'm frustrated when she isn't asking for.any we still give her some. It's all on DH and he just doesn't see my PIC. He claims once our toddlers are older I will just realize how much more expensive kids get. no winning from me.

[Anonymous]

Our day* DH not TH and POV not PIC. Sorry, phones and fast typing don't mix.

[Anonymous]

This is not your choice to make. And, I think he's right. You don't understand the cost of children. What they're spending on camps and tutoring over the summer is typical. It's pretty grand of him to try to pay for part of the tutoring. He's a good man.

[Anonymous]

Its not a waste if she needs help in whatever she is being tutored in.

How much is a tutoring session if you are talking thousands over the course of a 12 week summer?

[Anonymous]

Stepmom here. Summers are expensive. We spend around $5K each summer on one child, and that doesn't include extras like tutoring or sports. That is just camps, since all the parents involved work so aftercare is part of the expense.

[Anonymous]

For clarification, you're annoyed that your husband wants to provide half the cost of raising his child? Is that really what you're saying?

[Anonymous]

Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom here. Summers are expensive. We spend around $5K each summer on one child, and that doesn't include extras like tutoring or sports. That is just camps, since all the parents involved work so aftercare is part of the expense.

My point is, welcome to the cost of raising kids, OP! If this is an unexpected expense that you and DH hadn't budgeted for and can't afford, then have the conversation. If you can afford it, and the child needs the academic support, then pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just looked it up and the day camp I went to as a kid when I was 11, for seven weeks, now costs $5,450.

I can not adequately express to you how much I loved it. It is totally reasonable to pay for things if they make your child happy or healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

Are you struggling? I just can't see how you could say to yourself "Damn, I hate that my husband offers to pay for half of his daughter's activities. . . Oh, but I expect him to pay for 100% of his OTHER childrens' activies, the children he has with me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom offered to pay for all the tutoring, is that correct? I would focus on getting DH to accept her generous offer, and not fuss about your stepdaughter getting camps and tutoring.

Op here...yes this is what I mean. She offered and I wish he could just say thanks! She's a great student and her mom just wants to keep it that way. If she was struggling I would view it differently.

Are you struggling? I just can't see how you could say to yourself "Damn, I hate that my husband offers to pay for half of his daughter's activities. . . Oh, but I expect him to pay for 100% of his OTHER childrens' activies, the children he has with me."

Op to be fair I work and we earn almost the same (same gvt scale) So I contribute to the kids activities just as much.

[Anonymous]

You clearly married a good dad. Can't you just be happy with that?

And be happy that your kids seem spaced out. By the time your kids with your DH are older, your SD might be old enough to babysit during the summers or won't need constant summer activities.

Spending thousands on an 11 year old during the summer is the norm. Even the crappiest of day camps in our town is $430 per week per kid during the summer. You must also send a lunch and pay special activity fees for all field trips (none included).

Plus, the older they get, the more expensive the camps get because they become more specialized. Soccer camp, strength & conditioning camp, STEM camp, Coding camp, etc.

[Anonymous]

Be happy the mom didn't ask the father to contribute half before! It wouldn't have been crazy for her to ask but she didn't. Sounds like both parents here are being reasonable and respectful. You should appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

This is why I think it's best to maintain separate finances when you form a blended family. It's normal to feel resentful that the money you're putting into a shared pot is going to a child who isn't yours. People are gonna decry that that stepchild is also your obligation but she really isn't. Your DH should ensure that only his money is going to paying for his kid.