if your spouse travels a lot for work, how do you keep emotional intimacy

[Anonymous]

DH travels mon-thurs for work. We used to talk on the phone during the week, but we each just work during the day and then I'm doing bath/bed for the kids at night so by the end of the day we're both tired and don't have much to talk about. On weekends we do a lot as a family, but don't have a ton of time just the two of us and when we do, the convo turns too often to logistics or talking about work. As tips on how to maintain / nurture more of the emotional side of our relationship especially with our limited in person time?

[Anonymous]

My partner and I exchange emails when she's travelling. I look forward to writing up stories about my day, and she "saves" them to read in the morning over coffee. It really helps, because you tend to say more in writing than you do verbally. We grow closer when we're apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My partner and I exchange emails when she's travelling. I look forward to writing up stories about my day, and she "saves" them to read in the morning over coffee. It really helps, because you tend to say more in writing than you do verbally. We grow closer when we're apart.

That's sweet.

[Anonymous]

DH and I don't talk during the week while he's traveling (Asia is a 13 hour time difference and he doesn't have an international cell phone). I actually miss him a lot and it means that when we are together, the time is more quality time. He tries to send a text daily to let me know he's thinking of me. Emotionally we're just very close and the distance apart actually increases the closeness. I'm more annoyed when he's home 24/7 hah.

[Anonymous]

My DH used to travel a lot for work. It started out maybe one trip a month, then two, then for a couple years he was effectively traveling 3 weeks or more a month, and they were often asia and other places that it meant it cut sharply into our weekend sometimes too (say, if he got home at 8pm on friday night, but saturday was a write off because of jet lag; or he had to leave sunday at noon to be there for a monday am meeting). He and i have always been very close, best friends types, and honestly, the travel was just too much for us once kids were born. We were like ships passing in the night, we felt emotionally and sexually disconnected, etc. We talked about it, both agreed it was a travel problem, not a marriage problem. We both agreed it was not sustainable. After 2+ years of the super intense travel schedule, he quit and went to a job with significantly less travel. The travel was pretty much the entire reason he left his old job. We are both very, very happy with this decision.

[Anonymous]

We check in every night by phone, even if perfunctorily. I try to set aside time the nights he's back... usually he gets home in time to help tuck in kids. I make sure house is tidy, my to do for the night is done, and we sit with a glass of wine, cheese, or dinner and focus on each other....

[Anonymous]

To me it's important to talk on the phone at night before going to sleep

[Anonymous]

I also worked this schedule (Sunday night to Thursday, sometimes Friday evening) for 3 years and will work it again. I was worried about how it would impact my relationship, but it's actually been a-ok. We check in throughout the day by text, and I let him know that unless I am in the middle of a meeting, I can always step out and take a quick call in private anytime. We talk on the phone about every other day. On his end, he tries to do most of the things he has to do (social obligations with the guys, laundry, etc) during the week while I am away so that the weekend is free of most obligations, with the exception of my own, which I take care of. We try to spend the weekend doing fun things and focusing on our relationship. Saturday night is always date night and we do fun stuff and reconnect.

[Anonymous]

These are great ideas. Make sure you do this..... especially if your spouse is traveling frequently with someone of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

We always talk on the phone first via facetime with our kids and then later just the two of us. We are not into sexting or phone sex but the tone is always intimate. When we are together on weekends sex is always on the agenda.

[Anonymous]

Having my husband travel a lot are some of the hardest times for me. Well even having him work so much durning the week really wears on our relationship. And your right even when we are together we have to have shop talk fit in somewhere. So in an effort to feel the closeness we have had throughout the years we try to make it appoint to either text each other once a day something kind and loving and when he is home we try to take at least an hour to have alone. Without this time to reconnect and remind each other of the love we have it makes growing and sustain a relationship somewhat impossible. So working together on carving out the time and making it a priority is so important. Hope this helps -Rachel

[Anonymous]

My DH travels a lot but not as much as yours thankfully. He always calls even if it's just for a few minutes and while it's just a brief check in on our days just hearing his voice is very comforting. He will often text me with a a smile or a heart so I know he's thinking of me. We always find time on weekends to be alone regardless of all of the craziness with three young children. For both of us emotional intimacy is a priority so we just make it happen.