Letting go of the resentment

[Anonymous]

I need to find a way to let go of my resentment towards my husband and would really appreciate any suggestions for those who have found a way to rise above these feelings.

Many of my issues are typical of those that I read on here everyone day - I am dumped with most of the kid/home stuff, despite the fact that I work too, he travels frequently which has really limited my options in terms of career blah blah blah. I am frustrated by his cluelessness, his inability to take charge of the kids occassionally, the fact that the kids cling to me because he is so frequently gone. I don't want to be this person. I am tired of feeling this way. I am turning into a shrew.

[Anonymous]

Look at the bright side: your kids cling to YOU.

[Anonymous]

*hugs* I'm so right there with you. I know exactly how you feel. There's so much distance and resentment in our relationship, at least from my end, that I don't know how to bridge it. I recently brought up marriage counseling and DH is giving it some thought. Even if he says no, I'm looking into getting counseling for myself. Our problem is that we dont hear each others concerns, we just feel attacked.

Get some counseling. Even if your husband says no, go by yourself for your own peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

this might seem too much of a panacea, but it is what I'm hoping will help with my own resentment and feelings of being taken for granted.

Date Night
It is a time to reconnect as a couple, which is what you presumably were and loved before kids entered the picture. If I can get DH to take on the responsibility of arranging Date Night, all the better. But I want time that we reserve for each other, to make each other feel valuable and important. Time where we can reconnect and remember each other as fabulous individuals.

I am hoping that regular date night--or even semi-regular--will help me get past feeling like I'm being treated like a housekeeper/nanny.

I also try to say thank you and be appreciative of the things DH does around the house. Partially b/c I'm hoping if I set that example MAYBE someone will thank me at some point! But also to remind myself that even though it FEELS like I'm shouldering more than half, that is probably somewhat distorted. Being thankful helps unseat the shrew inside.

Another, slightly hokey, idea: deliberately think about three positive things every night and every morning. Maybe while brushing your teeth. We do make our own attitude. If you focus on what is good, the attitude will start to improve. And that just might help make life less of a drudge.

Good luck! I think that recognizing the symptoms is a GREAT first step.