Advice on technology use/dealing with an ex with boundary issues?

[Anonymous]

Is there anyone who might be able to offer some advice or a resource about what rules to put into a parenting plan regarding a
child's use of technology? And in general rules about how the other parent interacts with the child via technology when
it's not his or her time? This is in the context of an ex that is overinvolved/doesn't respect boundaries/whose behavior creates a
climate of parental alienation?

My ex texts and expects responses from my DS when its not his day. This can happen during special or family occasions or other
moments when its difficult for my DS to respond.

My ex also wants my tween-aged DS to stay on his iTunes account. This gives my ex, but not me, the ability to monitor in real time all texts,
phone calls my DS gets, review what content he's viewing online, approve APPs, video games, music, movies.

[Anonymous]

Provide the phone and have it linked to your account. Done. On your time, he uses your phone. On Dad's time, Dad's phone if its an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone who might be able to offer some advice or a resource about what rules to put into a parenting plan regarding a
child's use of technology? And in general rules about how the other parent interacts with the child via technology when
it's not his or her time? This is in the context of an ex that is overinvolved/doesn't respect boundaries/whose behavior creates a
climate of parental alienation?

My ex texts and expects responses from my DS when its not his day. This can happen during special or family occasions or other
moments when its difficult for my DS to respond.

My ex also wants my tween-aged DS to stay on his iTunes account. This gives my ex, but not me, the ability to monitor in real time all texts,
phone calls my DS gets, review what content he's viewing online, approve APPs, video games, music, movies.

I'm not understanding the problem here - do you and your EX comunicate about how much or when the children are on their devices? And why can't your DS text back to the other parent when he is at your house?

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is that your ex is texting ds and then getting upset with ds when he doesn’t respond right away. Is that it?

If so, you need to coach your son on how tell his dad that he can’t always respond. It’s hard, but he has to do it. It might be because his phone isn’t on or it might be because he’s not checking his phone. If there is an emergency, his dad is always welcome to call mom. Again, this needs to come from the son. He can let his dad know that he loves him AND that he’s not on call 24-7 to answer texts when he’s not with him.

[Anonymous]

Who has primary physical custody?

[Anonymous]

It’s really not hard for a “tween” to respond to his dad even during special family events (how often do these come up anyway?). I think you are projecting given your obviously bitter feelings about your ex.

[Anonymous]

Also let me guess - you want your son on YOUR iTunes account as opposed to his dad’s.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I make DD turn off the phone when there’s family time. Whether that is attending Mass during my weekends or visiting my parents. This is not to block my ex specifically, but to block the distractions of everything phone related. My ex can still leave a voice mail or text, but he gets a response later. I think it took 5 months for him to accept.

I didn’t need to do anything else.

I wouldn’t recommend blocking your ex. The court won’t like it and it’s not good for your kid. Leave a window when your child interact with dad every day. Our order actually specified an opportunity to interact by phone daily, but it didn’t dictate when or for how long. Maybe if I did something ridiculous like say you can text for 15 min at 6 am only, my ex would flip out. And rightfully so. But turning off the phone altogether for a few hours leaves a lot of reasonable opportunities.

Basically, be reasonable. Give a heads up: Cousin Larla’s wedding is 10 am to 11 pm so Larlito’s phone will be off. Call before then if you want to chat?