ADHD kids at TJ

[Anonymous]

How do kids with ADHD do at TJ? We are suspecting our gifted DC may have ADD (not hyper but inattentive type), have difficulty focusing and finishing tasks required at TJ. These symptoms were there all along throughout but did not become pronounced until stated TJ. Very gifted in many activities taken up but not having the focus to keep going and ended up dropping them. We thought just general development path for many kids. Could still be normal. Don't know, as we are very confused. No complains from school ever on behavior skill throughout, and nothing from pediatrition either ever. We are planning to get DC tested, and wanted to know if it is possble to manage TJ work in case found true.

[Anonymous]

I have a sophomore at TJ with ADHD. And there is no easy answer. I am not clear about whether you have a current TJ kid? A rising freshman? A kid who wants to apply? It sounds like a current student? If so, you should already have some idea about what his grades look like

My kid will likely graduate in the middle of his class. In general, I would say:

1. Get good psychoeducational testing done and a real diagnosis.

2. It’s hard, and your kid has to want it. My kid really, really wants to be there, loves the school and is willing to do whatever it takes.

3. Speaking of which, it takes a lot interventions. He takes medication and works with a good psychiatrist. He has an executive functioning coach he works with weekly to develop organizational skills and plan out the workload. He sits down and review the daily workload with a parent every day. He reviews grades and missing assignments weekly. He has a 504 plan. We work closely with his guidance counselor. He takes extended time on tests in some subjects. He does mindfulness work with a therapist. Etc.

4. We have lowered our expectations. We have accepted he will get some Bs. We also make sure he is taking a realistic workload. He takes summer school so he can do a music class every year and get the down period. He is doing AB Calc and Honors Physics, instead of BC Calc and AP Physics. He isn’t taking the hardest possible schedule.

ADHD is not a one size fits all diagnosis. My kid is succeeding at TJ with ADHD— by our standards, which is mix of As and Bs and going to a WM type college. Lots of TJ parents consider that a failure. I know several other ADHD kids at TJ who are also doing pretty well— with a lot of parental support and involvement.

I am not sure that TJ would be realistic if he wasn’t motivated, and if we didn’t provide a lot of support.

[Anonymous]

^^^Anyone you recommend for executive function coaching? Do the come to your house? I want to find someone really good for my ADHD DC-he is attending the TJ private school equivalent next year, coming from Longfellow. Was TJ semi finalist but didn’t get in-we are fine with it as I think he will benefit from a smaller setting.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for this answer - I have a younger student with ADHD and am so nervous about the future - your plan looks amazing and probably very similar to what we will be looking forward to. I didn't even realize there were Executive function coaches. Thank you for this insight!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Couple of follow-up questions and answers. DC is a freshman at TJ, and grades are all over the place. Started with all A's in 1st qtr in everything except Math, but then as the year progressed grades have dipped in almost everything except PE. May finish the year with mostly B+ and some A-, but the main concern is Math and the inability to correct silly mistakes that keeps happening. A lot of it has to do with organizational skills and study habits, both are nearly non-existent in the sense that there is no pattern. Study happens along with all other things going on, such as chat, video, music, etc. We have tried many things, but nothing has worked as a long term solution.

We don't know if this is related to ADHD or ADD, there is no hyper behavior or complains from any teachers / students ever so far. That makes it very hard to figure out. However, we have noticed several unusual things over the years to suspect something is different.

How do we go about testing / diagnosis? We have reached out to pediatrics and they have a behavior therapist who assist they said. Is this a good option? It is covered by insurance. Should we go this option or go with out of pocket expenses someone more prefessional. What are the types of tests that need to be conducted.

[Anonymous]

^^^Look into a full Neuropsychologist evaluation for your DC. It will be pricey but tremendously helpful to help define any attentional/organizational weaknesses in your DC. Consider Mindwell in Chantilly or the Stixrud group in MD. Any info you get can be used towards accommodations, a 504 plan or IEP if needed. You will gain very valuable insights into how your child learns and how best you can support them as a parent. It sounds like your child is doing VERY well at TJ, but if you can help them be more organized etc than why would you not? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^Anyone you recommend for executive function coaching? Do the come to your house? I want to find someone really good for my ADHD DC-he is attending the TJ private school equivalent next year, coming from Longfellow. Was TJ semi finalist but didn’t get in-we are fine with it as I think he will benefit from a smaller setting.

PP here. We were Carson MS and used Educational Connections. We got a great match that lasted two years, and she went back to teaching. Two real duds this year. I gave up and did some Wyzant searching and ended up with someone great. But coming from PW County and very overscheduled. Probably not an option for you. She charges half of what EC did, and is every bit as good. There are teachers in FCPS and APS with middle school or high school experience with special ed experience who post on Wyzant. I would start there. Both of our good fits were public school special ed teachers currently or in the recent past who clicked with my kid. They come to our house for an hour a week. EC runs $80-90week. Wyzant is around $50. The good matches were game changers. The bad ones were useless.

Good luck! My DC2 is was also a semifinalist, now headed to Chantilly in the fall. Also ADHD. Also being set up with the same tutor for HS. Managed well in MS with Strategies for Success, but things are slipping through the cracks. I think it’s for the best. I had no idea how hard having an ADHD kid at TJ would be on our whole family. I did it for DC1, so I was not a position to say not to DC2, who is actually the more STEM talented kid. TJ is amazing. But nothing in life is free. It may not cost in dollars, but it costs in stress and arguments about homework and no family time and 2 am group projects being pulled together. And the price is twice as high for ADHD kids. Your kid will do great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^Anyone you recommend for executive function coaching? Do the come to your house? I want to find someone really good for my ADHD DC-he is attending the TJ private school equivalent next year, coming from Longfellow. Was TJ semi finalist but didn’t get in-we are fine with it as I think he will benefit from a smaller setting.

PP here. We were Carson MS and used Educational Connections. We got a great match that lasted two years, and she went back to teaching. Two real duds this year. I gave up and did some Wyzant searching and ended up with someone great. But coming from PW County and very overscheduled. Probably not an option for you. She charges half of what EC did, and is every bit as good. There are teachers in FCPS and APS with middle school or high school experience with special ed experience who post on Wyzant. I would start there. Both of our good fits were public school special ed teachers currently or in the recent past who clicked with my kid. They come to our house for an hour a week. EC runs $80-90week. Wyzant is around $50. The good matches were game changers. The bad ones were useless.

Good luck! My DC2 is was also a semifinalist, now headed to Chantilly in the fall. Also ADHD. Also being set up with the same tutor for HS. Managed well in MS with Strategies for Success, but things are slipping through the cracks. I think it’s for the best. I had no idea how hard having an ADHD kid at TJ would be on our whole family. I did it for DC1, so I was not a position to say not to DC2, who is actually the more STEM talented kid. TJ is amazing. But nothing in life is free. It may not cost in dollars, but it costs in stress and arguments about homework and no family time and 2 am group projects being pulled together. And the price is twice as high for ADHD kids. Your kid will do great.

When you put it like that...it sure doesn’t sound amazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Couple of follow-up questions and answers. DC is a freshman at TJ, and grades are all over the place. Started with all A's in 1st qtr in everything except Math, but then as the year progressed grades have dipped in almost everything except PE. May finish the year with mostly B+ and some A-, but the main concern is Math and the inability to correct silly mistakes that keeps happening. A lot of it has to do with organizational skills and study habits, both are nearly non-existent in the sense that there is no pattern. Study happens along with all other things going on, such as chat, video, music, etc. We have tried many things, but nothing has worked as a long term solution.

We don't know if this is related to ADHD or ADD, there is no hyper behavior or complains from any teachers / students ever so far. That makes it very hard to figure out. However, we have noticed several unusual things over the years to suspect something is different.

How do we go about testing / diagnosis? We have reached out to pediatrics and they have a behavior therapist who assist they said. Is this a good option? It is covered by insurance. Should we go this option or go with out of pocket expenses someone more prefessional. What are the types of tests that need to be conducted.

PP with the list back.

Grades. Almost no one graduates from TJ with a 4.0. In our house, DC finished freshman year with As in PE, English, PE, Spanish and music, A- in DT, a B+ in Bio and. b in RS. We called this a very successful year. And, oh yeah, a C+ in Math 3. Which Was so avoidable. He didn’t test corrections because “they won’t give me a C”. Guess what kid... Summer CS was an A. Ended with about a 4.05 W GPA. Average freshman GPA usually falls between a 4.0 and 4.1, allegedly. So again, in our house a win.

Sophomore year. He should end with As in English, PE and his humanities AP class which is his super passionate area of interest. A-, maybe an A in a squeaker in WH. B+ in Spanish. B in Chemistry. Which has been much harder for him than Bio, because it is much more math oriented. So again, if this is where we end up, we call it a very successful year. You may not care about my kids grades in individual classes. But so many parents say, my kid got an easy A in AP Physics or whatever. And down the road, you learn about all the classes they dodn’t Get As in. My kid is obviously more humanities heavy than we realized when we let him go to TJ. Math and chemistry are weak spots. I consider TJ Bs in weak classes to be the best my kid will do.

Wait, you noticed I missed math? Yeah. The Math Department at TJ is a disaster in the Math 3-5 sequence. And not just for ADHD kids. And the people I know who are outstanding in math absolutely hate it. The math 4/5 team was all new teachers and was a mess. Hence, the school wide How to Survive TJ Math meeting. (Short answer: suck it up or leave). Math 4 and physics, especially AP, but even honors have the reputation of being the nastiest classes at TJ. If your kid in in Math 3, I have bad news for you, it gets worse. C+ in Math 4 with actual effort and a newfound realization that Cs happen. But it looks like a sold B in Math 5 (huge win. Because yes, careless errors). Three things happened. We got a great math Tutor. Former TJ grad who understands the TJ specific curriculum. Priceless. They don’t teach math at TJ and assume you pick it up by osmosis. He has a super amazing guidance counselor who switched his math teacher between semesters. So he went from having a disorganized complete disaster with marginal English, to just a weak math teacher. And most kids find Math 5 easier. If you are starting math 4/5 next year, get a tutor in place day 1. If you live in Western Fairfax and Louden, I can pass a name along, if you have a way for me to do it.

Electronics. Are the single biggest source of friction in our house. After a year and half or non-stop arguing, we have two new rules. No smartphone. He has a flip phone for emergencies. We managed back in the day. He is too. I know I have to give it back at some point, so he can learn to use it before college. But I’m in no hurry. And surprisingly, after the initial freak out and how do you manage life without an IPhone, neither does my kid. In fact, he has gone so far as to say we were right to take it away, because he cannot control his use right now. He is working with a therapist on the electronics addiction. For now, the therapist supports no smartphone. He can do what he needs to academically and email us from TJ on his laptop. He had a teacher who wanted them to use a smartphone to take pictures for a project. I emailed and explained that DC found smartphones to be too distracting and consequently did not have access to one. She strongly approved (and was very amused) and found another way.

Rule 2. Homework involving a computer is done at the kitchen table or the den that opens up off the kitchen. Laptops that do leave this area are confiscated immediately, and one learns how the household desktop works. That happened once. It doesn’t fully stop the internet time suck. But it keeps him on task. There is usually an adult in the area, and I make it a point to read nearby or work or suf DCUM. An adult tries to stay up at night as late as he does. Someone asks every hour or so what he is working on. Again, once we got past the horror of not being able to lock himself in his room with the laptop, he actually seems to like this set up. He gets that what he was doing when he started TJ was not working, and he hated feeling overwhelmed and possibly having to drop down to his base school. I’m actually impressed with the maturity level. It gives me hope.

And testing . Diana Dahlgren in Fairfax does an excellent job with psychoeducational testing. One of her kids went through atJ, and she knows that FCPs and the college board need, and how to navigate AAP and TJ and the college board. I’m actually meh on her as a person, but she is very good at what she does. And she produces an ironclad written report that is exactly what TJ wants and exactly what the college board wants and gives you a very clear set of recommendations for treatment from EF coaching and a a medication consult to academic accommodations. It also spells out recommended accommodations for the school and why. TJ loves her reports. The college board gave us a very easy time on accommodations, which is apparently unusual. So I recommend her, even if I don’t really like her. My Ds’s testing was about half covered by testing as medical diagnosis and half not as academic testing.

Psychiatrist: Doug Tebor in McLean is very good for adolescents. And last I checked his practice was still open. Have a real psychiatrist manage ADHD medication for an adolescent. ADHD is comorbid with anxiety and depression which often come out in adolescence. You want someone who specializes in this.

Therapy for the sheer stress of parenting and ADHD kid at TJ in general, but in our case not being able to manage the electronics specifically. Dave Edwards who works with Joe Cabush in Fairfax. Has weekend hours. Very good with teenage boys. I am very impressed wih how far my son has come since the fall when we gave up trying to deal with the electronics (and electronic trail of porn. Gotta love parenting a teenage boy) and asked his psychiatrist for a referral. This is not stare at your belly button and complain about your parents therapy. This is my kid admitting the electronics use was out of control and messing up his chances of staying at TJ, which he loves. And accepting that really strict limits were in his best interests right now. Now we are working on how to reintroduce electronics slowly so he can learn to control his use in college.

Very long post. But I feel like TJ fails at providing guidance to parents of 2e kids. So kids who could succeed don’t. And the more I admit my kid is 2e, the more I discover just how many parents are reinventing the wheel. My favorite TJ mom friend keeps saying it takes a villiage to get a kid through TJ. So, welcome to mine. I’m happy to answer as many questions as you have.

Sorry for any typos. It’s late, and my kids got their ADHD from somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Couple of follow-up questions and answers. DC is a freshman at TJ, and grades are all over the place. Started with all A's in 1st qtr in everything except Math, but then as the year progressed grades have dipped in almost everything except PE. May finish the year with mostly B+ and some A-, but the main concern is Math and the inability to correct silly mistakes that keeps happening. A lot of it has to do with organizational skills and study habits, both are nearly non-existent in the sense that there is no pattern. Study happens along with all other things going on, such as chat, video, music, etc. We have tried many things, but nothing has worked as a long term solution.

We don't know if this is related to ADHD or ADD, there is no hyper behavior or complains from any teachers / students ever so far. That makes it very hard to figure out. However, we have noticed several unusual things over the years to suspect something is different.

How do we go about testing / diagnosis? We have reached out to pediatrics and they have a behavior therapist who assist they said. Is this a good option? It is covered by insurance. Should we go this option or go with out of pocket expenses someone more prefessional. What are the types of tests that need to be conducted.

PP with the list back.

Grades. Almost no one graduates from TJ with a 4.0. In our house, DC finished freshman year with As in PE, English, PE, Spanish and music, A- in DT, a B+ in Bio and. b in RS. We called this a very successful year. And, oh yeah, a C+ in Math 3. Which Was so avoidable. He didn’t test corrections because “they won’t give me a C”. Guess what kid... Summer CS was an A. Ended with about a 4.05 W GPA. Average freshman GPA usually falls between a 4.0 and 4.1, allegedly. So again, in our house a win.

Sophomore year. He should end with As in English, PE and his humanities AP class which is his super passionate area of interest. A-, maybe an A in a squeaker in WH. B+ in Spanish. B in Chemistry. Which has been much harder for him than Bio, because it is much more math oriented. So again, if this is where we end up, we call it a very successful year. You may not care about my kids grades in individual classes. But so many parents say, my kid got an easy A in AP Physics or whatever. And down the road, you learn about all the classes they dodn’t Get As in. My kid is obviously more humanities heavy than we realized when we let him go to TJ. Math and chemistry are weak spots. I consider TJ Bs in weak classes to be the best my kid will do.

Wait, you noticed I missed math? Yeah. The Math Department at TJ is a disaster in the Math 3-5 sequence. And not just for ADHD kids. And the people I know who are outstanding in math absolutely hate it. The math 4/5 team was all new teachers and was a mess. Hence, the school wide How to Survive TJ Math meeting. (Short answer: suck it up or leave). Math 4 and physics, especially AP, but even honors have the reputation of being the nastiest classes at TJ. If your kid in in Math 3, I have bad news for you, it gets worse. C+ in Math 4 with actual effort and a newfound realization that Cs happen. But it looks like a sold B in Math 5 (huge win. Because yes, careless errors). Three things happened. We got a great math Tutor. Former TJ grad who understands the TJ specific curriculum. Priceless. They don’t teach math at TJ and assume you pick it up by osmosis. He has a super amazing guidance counselor who switched his math teacher between semesters. So he went from having a disorganized complete disaster with marginal English, to just a weak math teacher. And most kids find Math 5 easier. If you are starting math 4/5 next year, get a tutor in place day 1. If you live in Western Fairfax and Louden, I can pass a name along, if you have a way for me to do it.

Electronics. Are the single biggest source of friction in our house. After a year and half or non-stop arguing, we have two new rules. No smartphone. He has a flip phone for emergencies. We managed back in the day. He is too. I know I have to give it back at some point, so he can learn to use it before college. But I’m in no hurry. And surprisingly, after the initial freak out and how do you manage life without an IPhone, neither does my kid. In fact, he has gone so far as to say we were right to take it away, because he cannot control his use right now. He is working with a therapist on the electronics addiction. For now, the therapist supports no smartphone. He can do what he needs to academically and email us from TJ on his laptop. He had a teacher who wanted them to use a smartphone to take pictures for a project. I emailed and explained that DC found smartphones to be too distracting and consequently did not have access to one. She strongly approved (and was very amused) and found another way.

Rule 2. Homework involving a computer is done at the kitchen table or the den that opens up off the kitchen. Laptops that do leave this area are confiscated immediately, and one learns how the household desktop works. That happened once. It doesn’t fully stop the internet time suck. But it keeps him on task. There is usually an adult in the area, and I make it a point to read nearby or work or suf DCUM. An adult tries to stay up at night as late as he does. Someone asks every hour or so what he is working on. Again, once we got past the horror of not being able to lock himself in his room with the laptop, he actually seems to like this set up. He gets that what he was doing when he started TJ was not working, and he hated feeling overwhelmed and possibly having to drop down to his base school. I’m actually impressed with the maturity level. It gives me hope.

And testing . Diana Dahlgren in Fairfax does an excellent job with psychoeducational testing. One of her kids went through atJ, and she knows that FCPs and the college board need, and how to navigate AAP and TJ and the college board. I’m actually meh on her as a person, but she is very good at what she does. And she produces an ironclad written report that is exactly what TJ wants and exactly what the college board wants and gives you a very clear set of recommendations for treatment from EF coaching and a a medication consult to academic accommodations. It also spells out recommended accommodations for the school and why. TJ loves her reports. The college board gave us a very easy time on accommodations, which is apparently unusual. So I recommend her, even if I don’t really like her. My Ds’s testing was about half covered by testing as medical diagnosis and half not as academic testing.

Psychiatrist: Doug Tebor in McLean is very good for adolescents. And last I checked his practice was still open. Have a real psychiatrist manage ADHD medication for an adolescent. ADHD is comorbid with anxiety and depression which often come out in adolescence. You want someone who specializes in this.

Therapy for the sheer stress of parenting and ADHD kid at TJ in general, but in our case not being able to manage the electronics specifically. Dave Edwards who works with Joe Cabush in Fairfax. Has weekend hours. Very good with teenage boys. I am very impressed wih how far my son has come since the fall when we gave up trying to deal with the electronics (and electronic trail of porn. Gotta love parenting a teenage boy) and asked his psychiatrist for a referral. This is not stare at your belly button and complain about your parents therapy. This is my kid admitting the electronics use was out of control and messing up his chances of staying at TJ, which he loves. And accepting that really strict limits were in his best interests right now. Now we are working on how to reintroduce electronics slowly so he can learn to control his use in college.

Very long post. But I feel like TJ fails at providing guidance to parents of 2e kids. So kids who could succeed don’t. And the more I admit my kid is 2e, the more I discover just how many parents are reinventing the wheel. My favorite TJ mom friend keeps saying it takes a villiage to get a kid through TJ. So, welcome to mine. I’m happy to answer as many questions as you have.

Sorry for any typos. It’s late, and my kids got their ADHD from somewhere.

Wow. This should be the poster for why not to send your kid to TJ. Psychiatrists, tutors, and coaching?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^Anyone you recommend for executive function coaching? Do the come to your house? I want to find someone really good for my ADHD DC-he is attending the TJ private school equivalent next year, coming from Longfellow. Was TJ semi finalist but didn’t get in-we are fine with it as I think he will benefit from a smaller setting.

PP here. We were Carson MS and used Educational Connections. We got a great match that lasted two years, and she went back to teaching. Two real duds this year. I gave up and did some Wyzant searching and ended up with someone great. But coming from PW County and very overscheduled. Probably not an option for you. She charges half of what EC did, and is every bit as good. There are teachers in FCPS and APS with middle school or high school experience with special ed experience who post on Wyzant. I would start there. Both of our good fits were public school special ed teachers currently or in the recent past who clicked with my kid. They come to our house for an hour a week. EC runs $80-90week. Wyzant is around $50. The good matches were game changers. The bad ones were useless.

Good luck! My DC2 is was also a semifinalist, now headed to Chantilly in the fall. Also ADHD. Also being set up with the same tutor for HS. Managed well in MS with Strategies for Success, but things are slipping through the cracks. I think it’s for the best. I had no idea how hard having an ADHD kid at TJ would be on our whole family. I did it for DC1, so I was not a position to say not to DC2, who is actually the more STEM talented kid. TJ is amazing. But nothing in life is free. It may not cost in dollars, but it costs in stress and arguments about homework and no family time and 2 am group projects being pulled together. And the price is twice as high for ADHD kids. Your kid will do great.

When you put it like that...it sure doesn’t sound amazing!

The education is amazing. The peer group is amazing. The kid I have there really loves it and is getting something he would not get anywhere else. But anyone who tells you that everything about TJ is rainbows and unicorns does not deal in reality. There are trade offs. I have a real problems with parents who push or force kids to apply, attend or stay. The unhappy kids are just miserable.

And yeah, when I let my kid apply, I way underestimated the impact of TJ level requirements on a kid with EF challenges. And with the EF issues, I didn’t really think he’d get in.

I still recommend it for kids who are very bright and very quirky and really want it. But the kid has to want it, and parents should go into it with their eyes open. And your eyes should be very, very open if you have an ADHD kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Couple of follow-up questions and answers. DC is a freshman at TJ, and grades are all over the place. Started with all A's in 1st qtr in everything except Math, but then as the year progressed grades have dipped in almost everything except PE. May finish the year with mostly B+ and some A-, but the main concern is Math and the inability to correct silly mistakes that keeps happening. A lot of it has to do with organizational skills and study habits, both are nearly non-existent in the sense that there is no pattern. Study happens along with all other things going on, such as chat, video, music, etc. We have tried many things, but nothing has worked as a long term solution.

We don't know if this is related to ADHD or ADD, there is no hyper behavior or complains from any teachers / students ever so far. That makes it very hard to figure out. However, we have noticed several unusual things over the years to suspect something is different.

How do we go about testing / diagnosis? We have reached out to pediatrics and they have a behavior therapist who assist they said. Is this a good option? It is covered by insurance. Should we go this option or go with out of pocket expenses someone more prefessional. What are the types of tests that need to be conducted.

PP with the list back.

Grades. Almost no one graduates from TJ with a 4.0. In our house, DC finished freshman year with As in PE, English, PE, Spanish and music, A- in DT, a B+ in Bio and. b in RS. We called this a very successful year. And, oh yeah, a C+ in Math 3. Which Was so avoidable. He didn’t test corrections because “they won’t give me a C”. Guess what kid... Summer CS was an A. Ended with about a 4.05 W GPA. Average freshman GPA usually falls between a 4.0 and 4.1, allegedly. So again, in our house a win.

Sophomore year. He should end with As in English, PE and his humanities AP class which is his super passionate area of interest. A-, maybe an A in a squeaker in WH. B+ in Spanish. B in Chemistry. Which has been much harder for him than Bio, because it is much more math oriented. So again, if this is where we end up, we call it a very successful year. You may not care about my kids grades in individual classes. But so many parents say, my kid got an easy A in AP Physics or whatever. And down the road, you learn about all the classes they dodn’t Get As in. My kid is obviously more humanities heavy than we realized when we let him go to TJ. Math and chemistry are weak spots. I consider TJ Bs in weak classes to be the best my kid will do.

Wait, you noticed I missed math? Yeah. The Math Department at TJ is a disaster in the Math 3-5 sequence. And not just for ADHD kids. And the people I know who are outstanding in math absolutely hate it. The math 4/5 team was all new teachers and was a mess. Hence, the school wide How to Survive TJ Math meeting. (Short answer: suck it up or leave). Math 4 and physics, especially AP, but even honors have the reputation of being the nastiest classes at TJ. If your kid in in Math 3, I have bad news for you, it gets worse. C+ in Math 4 with actual effort and a newfound realization that Cs happen. But it looks like a sold B in Math 5 (huge win. Because yes, careless errors). Three things happened. We got a great math Tutor. Former TJ grad who understands the TJ specific curriculum. Priceless. They don’t teach math at TJ and assume you pick it up by osmosis. He has a super amazing guidance counselor who switched his math teacher between semesters. So he went from having a disorganized complete disaster with marginal English, to just a weak math teacher. And most kids find Math 5 easier. If you are starting math 4/5 next year, get a tutor in place day 1. If you live in Western Fairfax and Louden, I can pass a name along, if you have a way for me to do it.

Electronics. Are the single biggest source of friction in our house. After a year and half or non-stop arguing, we have two new rules. No smartphone. He has a flip phone for emergencies. We managed back in the day. He is too. I know I have to give it back at some point, so he can learn to use it before college. But I’m in no hurry. And surprisingly, after the initial freak out and how do you manage life without an IPhone, neither does my kid. In fact, he has gone so far as to say we were right to take it away, because he cannot control his use right now. He is working with a therapist on the electronics addiction. For now, the therapist supports no smartphone. He can do what he needs to academically and email us from TJ on his laptop. He had a teacher who wanted them to use a smartphone to take pictures for a project. I emailed and explained that DC found smartphones to be too distracting and consequently did not have access to one. She strongly approved (and was very amused) and found another way.

Rule 2. Homework involving a computer is done at the kitchen table or the den that opens up off the kitchen. Laptops that do leave this area are confiscated immediately, and one learns how the household desktop works. That happened once. It doesn’t fully stop the internet time suck. But it keeps him on task. There is usually an adult in the area, and I make it a point to read nearby or work or suf DCUM. An adult tries to stay up at night as late as he does. Someone asks every hour or so what he is working on. Again, once we got past the horror of not being able to lock himself in his room with the laptop, he actually seems to like this set up. He gets that what he was doing when he started TJ was not working, and he hated feeling overwhelmed and possibly having to drop down to his base school. I’m actually impressed with the maturity level. It gives me hope.

And testing . Diana Dahlgren in Fairfax does an excellent job with psychoeducational testing. One of her kids went through atJ, and she knows that FCPs and the college board need, and how to navigate AAP and TJ and the college board. I’m actually meh on her as a person, but she is very good at what she does. And she produces an ironclad written report that is exactly what TJ wants and exactly what the college board wants and gives you a very clear set of recommendations for treatment from EF coaching and a a medication consult to academic accommodations. It also spells out recommended accommodations for the school and why. TJ loves her reports. The college board gave us a very easy time on accommodations, which is apparently unusual. So I recommend her, even if I don’t really like her. My Ds’s testing was about half covered by testing as medical diagnosis and half not as academic testing.

Psychiatrist: Doug Tebor in McLean is very good for adolescents. And last I checked his practice was still open. Have a real psychiatrist manage ADHD medication for an adolescent. ADHD is comorbid with anxiety and depression which often come out in adolescence. You want someone who specializes in this.

Therapy for the sheer stress of parenting and ADHD kid at TJ in general, but in our case not being able to manage the electronics specifically. Dave Edwards who works with Joe Cabush in Fairfax. Has weekend hours. Very good with teenage boys. I am very impressed wih how far my son has come since the fall when we gave up trying to deal with the electronics (and electronic trail of porn. Gotta love parenting a teenage boy) and asked his psychiatrist for a referral. This is not stare at your belly button and complain about your parents therapy. This is my kid admitting the electronics use was out of control and messing up his chances of staying at TJ, which he loves. And accepting that really strict limits were in his best interests right now. Now we are working on how to reintroduce electronics slowly so he can learn to control his use in college.

Very long post. But I feel like TJ fails at providing guidance to parents of 2e kids. So kids who could succeed don’t. And the more I admit my kid is 2e, the more I discover just how many parents are reinventing the wheel. My favorite TJ mom friend keeps saying it takes a villiage to get a kid through TJ. So, welcome to mine. I’m happy to answer as many questions as you have.

Sorry for any typos. It’s late, and my kids got their ADHD from somewhere.

Wow. This should be the poster for why not to send your kid to TJ. Psychiatrists, tutors, and coaching?

Yes. And to be fair. My kid has significant ADHD. He needed an EF coach in MS. And I feel strongly that if he is going to take ADHD meds they will be managed well. Both of these were in place as part of holistically treating ADHD in MS. They would still be there at his base HS. The psychologist is a my kid specific ADHD electronics addiction issue. TJ definitely gives him less time to waste on stupidmeme.com and bigboob.com. But this was almost certainly going to be a problem we needed help with no matter where he went to school.

The math tutor is unique and special to TJs f’ed Up math track. The good news is he hits AB Calc next year, which is actually supposed to be more reasonable. And either BC Calc or a 2nd semester AP stats and cryptography senior year. Apparently we are through the worst of it. Just in time for Physics.

My husband says we wouldn’t have fewer problems at his base high school. We would have different problems. I think he is right.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PP @22:21 with the extensive list of resources. This is truly amazing and very helpful. If you don't mind please send along the tutor reference to this e-mail: [e-mail]

We are keeping fingers crossed as we get into unknown territory here, feel like should have done the diagnosis long time before, but things were working fine until MS even though there were some signs. Thanks for all the help from friendly posters here who wants to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you PP @22:21 with the extensive list of resources. This is truly amazing and very helpful. If you don't mind please send along the tutor reference to this e-mail: [e-mail]

We are keeping fingers crossed as we get into unknown territory here, feel like should have done the diagnosis long time before, but things were working fine until MS even though there were some signs. Thanks for all the help from friendly posters here who wants to help.

Sent. Please let me know if it doesn’t come through.

—22.21

[Anonymous]

PP @ 22:21.

Would you please also send me your child's math tutor info to this email: [e-mail]

I think my DD might have the same math teacher as your DC last semester and has been struggling for most of the year. I truly appreciate your insights and your willingness to share your family's TJ experience.