s/o Does anyone else fantasize about

[Anonymous]

just walking about of their life one day?

I was reading the thread down below about the middle aged woman who is planning to leave her husband when her youngest kid goes off to college. I'm surprised people are calling troll because I can relate! I have often fantasized about taking some cash out of my checking account and just walking out of my life and disappearing for a while.

I wouldn't do that because my kids are a lot younger and I don't want to scar them but I've thought about it. Like a lot of women, everyone in my life takes and takes and takes and very rarely gives back. I have like two or three people in my life who truly care about ME as a human being who exists in her own right and not as a function of what I do or give to other people (and I don't include my husband or 4 kids on this list even though two of them are old enough not to be so selfish and ungrateful). Yes sometimes I do fantasize about showing them how much they all take for granted. I have to take care of all these people and no one takes care of me. Yes I know, that's what it means to be a woman.

Can anyone else relate? What should I do now to make sure I don't end up like that lady who is planning to burst her husband's bubble the second her youngest kid is off to college and out of the nest?

[Anonymous]

I have to say I have honestly though about it. I could never not see my children though, that would destroy me

[Anonymous]

I can sort of relate. I don't really fantasize about disappearing entirely, but I fantasize about getting my own apartment, divorcing DH, and just periodically visiting or hanging out with DS the 30 percent or so of the time that he is not in a pissy teenage funk.

[Anonymous]

I have before.

I take the money, I drive off into the night, I travel for some time (maybe a year or two), then I resurface, divorce husband, get an apartment, and spend time with my children as friends.

In my fantasy, they are magically adults.

Not that I would do this but I have thought about it multiple times.

[Anonymous]

Hell yes. Would love to walk out and leave it all.
But. So unrealistic. Unhappiness follows.

[Anonymous]

Of course I do but when I tuck my children in one last time just before I go to bed I get a good reminder of how important I am in their lives. My DH does appreciate what I do but I'd love a two week break from it all once a year!

[Anonymous]

There was an Anne Tyler book called "Ladder of Years" in which a woman is on vacation with her husband and kids at Bethany Beach and then just walks off to start a new life. ... Finds an apartment and a secretary job in a small town.

It seems like a lot of people found a lot to like about the concept, but sorry, it seems utterly ridiculous to me.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. "I made this bed so I will sleep in it!". I expected chaos and not always being appreciated and that's the life I have so it's not a big surprise. This is the life my mother lived and she's always been happy but like me crazed at times. But I do know that my kids and DH really love me.

[Anonymous]

I fantasize about starting new adventures all the time but I would take my family with me. That part is the highlight of my life so far. But yes, I often think, what would happen if i just took off to a brand new place, credit card in hand... I don't think that fantasizing about it is a sign that the sky is falling... We are creative and imaginative creatures, it's hard not to think about what else could be or could have been. In fact it's what makes life fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was an Anne Tyler book called "Ladder of Years" in which a woman is on vacation with her husband and kids at Bethany Beach and then just walks off to start a new life. ... Finds an apartment and a secretary job in a small town.

It seems like a lot of people found a lot to like about the concept, but sorry, it seems utterly ridiculous to me.

Sounds like an interesting premise. What happens to her? I suppose she realizes the error of her ways and goes back tail tucked between her legs. I can't imagine the story ending any other way and doesn't that say it all about women's lot in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just walking about of their life one day?

I was reading the thread down below about the middle aged woman who is planning to leave her husband when her youngest kid goes off to college. I'm surprised people are calling troll because I can relate! I have often fantasized about taking some cash out of my checking account and just walking out of my life and disappearing for a while.

I wouldn't do that because my kids are a lot younger and I don't want to scar them but I've thought about it. Like a lot of women, everyone in my life takes and takes and takes and very rarely gives back. I have like two or three people in my life who truly care about ME as a human being who exists in her own right and not as a function of what I do or give to other people (and I don't include my husband or 4 kids on this list even though two of them are old enough not to be so selfish and ungrateful). Yes sometimes I do fantasize about showing them how much they all take for granted. I have to take care of all these people and no one takes care of me. Yes I know, that's what it means to be a woman.

Can anyone else relate? What should I do now to make sure I don't end up like that lady who is planning to burst her husband's bubble the second her youngest kid is off to college and out of the nest?

speaking as a husband, I'm sure yours can relate as well. this isn't a fantasy exclusive to mothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just walking about of their life one day?

I was reading the thread down below about the middle aged woman who is planning to leave her husband when her youngest kid goes off to college. I'm surprised people are calling troll because I can relate! I have often fantasized about taking some cash out of my checking account and just walking out of my life and disappearing for a while.

I wouldn't do that because my kids are a lot younger and I don't want to scar them but I've thought about it. Like a lot of women, everyone in my life takes and takes and takes and very rarely gives back. I have like two or three people in my life who truly care about ME as a human being who exists in her own right and not as a function of what I do or give to other people (and I don't include my husband or 4 kids on this list even though two of them are old enough not to be so selfish and ungrateful). Yes sometimes I do fantasize about showing them how much they all take for granted. I have to take care of all these people and no one takes care of me. Yes I know, that's what it means to be a woman.

Can anyone else relate? What should I do now to make sure I don't end up like that lady who is planning to burst her husband's bubble the second her youngest kid is off to college and out of the nest?

speaking as a husband, I'm sure yours can relate as well. this isn't a fantasy exclusive to mothers

Most women do all of the care taking and emotional heavy lifting in their marriages.

That's partly why so many men get remarried so quickly after their wives die. Marriage is the much better option for men than it is for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was an Anne Tyler book called "Ladder of Years" in which a woman is on vacation with her husband and kids at Bethany Beach and then just walks off to start a new life. ... Finds an apartment and a secretary job in a small town.

It seems like a lot of people found a lot to like about the concept, but sorry, it seems utterly ridiculous to me.

I'm going to look at that book. My weird fantasy is to just leave, change my name, get a small apartment, and work in one of those small town diners in the south where the servers shout orders to the cooks and all the workers and customers seem to know each other. I have no idea why that of all things. I can't do it because I could never leave my child.

[Anonymous]

Why not just take time out for yourself, whether a week here and there, a weekend, or even a night out? More socially acceptable and less emotionally scarring for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was an Anne Tyler book called "Ladder of Years" in which a woman is on vacation with her husband and kids at Bethany Beach and then just walks off to start a new life. ... Finds an apartment and a secretary job in a small town.

It seems like a lot of people found a lot to like about the concept, but sorry, it seems utterly ridiculous to me.

I'm going to look at that book. My weird fantasy is to just leave, change my name, get a small apartment, and work in one of those small town diners in the south where the servers shout orders to the cooks and all the workers and customers seem to know each other. I have no idea why that of all things. I can't do it because I could never leave my child.

+ 1

Me too! I think I got the idea from that Julia Roberts movie - Sleeping with the Enemy.

My husband is not abusive, he's not even a bad guy. I think we just ran out of steam. We've been married for 20 years now. Back in the day, we'd both be dead by now or almost. Maybe human beings aren't really meant to "mate for life" at 22 when lifespans are now so long.