Husband obsessed with work

[Anonymous]

My husband is about to make a career move which will make his already long hours even longer. When I asked him if this is really what he wants, since he is already stressed out trying to meet work and family obligations, he said there is no other way. This is completely false. He is just obsessed with money and career "success". I'll support him with his decision, but our family and relationship already suffer because of his current work load (and yes, I work too, but my job is a lot less demanding which I decided on purpose). I'm just a little flabbergasted that he thinks this is how work has to be (long, draining hours. never being able to turn it off.)

[Anonymous]

His love language might be acts of service/ provider. This might be how he shows his love. That was the case with my ex. I valued quality time. He grew to see me as lazy and unambitious (which is ridiculous, as I made more than he did and was senior to him in my industry), where I grew to see him as disengaged from the family.

Work it out now, this dynamic only grows.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to just get over it and support him as best you can. This is life for huge numbers of people, make quality time when you can, don't be forever disappointed when you cannot etc.

My DH is a 100% workaholic and has been since we met, before we got married and had kids. Its who he is and how he functions.

If you don't think you can adapt then leave.

[Anonymous]

This is his way of not dealing with the reality of marriage and kids. He wants out but is obligated to stay. Men who like being married want ti be around their kids and wives.

[Anonymous]

That would be a big fight in my household. That’s a joint decision.

Is it possible that the status quo (or stepping down for better balance) are not real possibilities for him career wise? Not because of want but because those jobs don’t exist or won’t pay for your life? Because otherwise at least for us that wouldn’t be a unilateral decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would be a big fight in my household. That’s a joint decision.

Is it possible that the status quo (or stepping down for better balance) are not real possibilities for him career wise? Not because of want but because those jobs don’t exist or won’t pay for your life? Because otherwise at least for us that wouldn’t be a unilateral decision.

So glad I'm not married to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is his way of not dealing with the reality of marriage and kids. He wants out but is obligated to stay. Men who like being married want ti be around their kids and wives.

+1
He is burying himself in work bc it's easier/knows what he's doing/more (instant) gratification than family life.

Or he's having an affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would be a big fight in my household. That’s a joint decision.

Is it possible that the status quo (or stepping down for better balance) are not real possibilities for him career wise? Not because of want but because those jobs don’t exist or won’t pay for your life? Because otherwise at least for us that wouldn’t be a unilateral decision.

+1. Decisions that affect the family, are family decisions. He is putting a strain on your relationship and foisting household responsibilities onto you, even though you work too. You need to at least say this to him. Personally I found couples counseling helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would be a big fight in my household. That’s a joint decision.

Is it possible that the status quo (or stepping down for better balance) are not real possibilities for him career wise? Not because of want but because those jobs don’t exist or won’t pay for your life? Because otherwise at least for us that wouldn’t be a unilateral decision.

+1. Decisions that affect the family, are family decisions. He is putting a strain on your relationship and foisting household responsibilities onto you, even though you work too. You need to at least say this to him. Personally I found couples counseling helpful.

+10. You need couples counseling. I know it doesn't feel like a relationship issue, it feels like a work issue - but it's not. It's primarily a disagreement about how to structure your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would be a big fight in my household. That’s a joint decision.

Is it possible that the status quo (or stepping down for better balance) are not real possibilities for him career wise? Not because of want but because those jobs don’t exist or won’t pay for your life? Because otherwise at least for us that wouldn’t be a unilateral decision.

+1. Decisions that affect the family, are family decisions. He is putting a strain on your relationship and foisting household responsibilities onto you, even though you work too. You need to at least say this to him. Personally I found couples counseling helpful.

+10. You need couples counseling. I know it doesn't feel like a relationship issue, it feels like a work issue - but it's not. It's primarily a disagreement about how to structure your lives.

Consider it like any other addiction, counseling and talking really don’t change anything fundamental. Accept and support it and be grateful for that $ money honey.

[Anonymous]

Would you tell a woman the same thing. I work 14-15 hours days, see my kids on weekends only (when not traveling) and enjoy every minute of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you tell a woman the same thing. I work 14-15 hours days, see my kids on weekends only (when not traveling) and enjoy every minute of it.

Yes, we would. Why would you think differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would be a big fight in my household. That’s a joint decision.

Is it possible that the status quo (or stepping down for better balance) are not real possibilities for him career wise? Not because of want but because those jobs don’t exist or won’t pay for your life? Because otherwise at least for us that wouldn’t be a unilateral decision.

So glad I'm not married to you.

Um...likewise!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you tell a woman the same thing. I work 14-15 hours days, see my kids on weekends only (when not traveling) and enjoy every minute of it.

That's SO sad...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you tell a woman the same thing. I work 14-15 hours days, see my kids on weekends only (when not traveling) and enjoy every minute of it.

That's SO sad...

I give my DH and kids the life that many moms on here brag about. Great household help, a stay at home parent several nice trips a year. A man who does this for his family is praised while a woman is scorned.