My mom rejected flowers last mother’s day, I don’t want to send her flowers this year.

[Anonymous]

My (partially) estranged mother refused the flowers I sent her last mother’s day. I sent her a book this year as a gift with a card saying “happy early mother’s day.” We have barely reconciled and she thinks everything is fine. She doesn’t accept any accountability for her actions and how she isolates herself from multiple family members. I’m worried she’s going to lash out or stone wall me if I don’t send her flowers. I barely engage with her as is, but it feels like I’m constantly walking on egg shells around her.

I was thinking of just calling her, and then ignoring any upset or angry communication from her if she wants to complain about not getting flowers.

[Anonymous]

There is no requirement for flowers on mother's day. You sent a gift and a card, why do you not think that is enough?

[Anonymous]

You sound made for each other. Too boring, go away now.

[Anonymous]

I'd probably just send her flowers again. Did she reject them because of the discord or because she hates flowers?

[Anonymous]

OP, what caused your (partial) estrangement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was thinking of just calling her, and then ignoring any upset or angry communication from her if she wants to complain about not getting flowers.

This is fine. You already sent a card and gift.

[Anonymous]

I think you care too much about what she thinks.
She doesn’t sound like a nice person, so why are you seeking her approval.

[Anonymous]

Stop walking on eggshells!!!!!!!!!!!
If she's not happy, she can go back to being estranged.
You, meanwhile, will continue to live a happy, uncrazed life without her.

And, why would you send flowers when she rejected the last ones? That's not rational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My (partially) estranged mother refused the flowers I sent her last mother’s day. I sent her a book this year as a gift with a card saying “happy early mother’s day.” We have barely reconciled and she thinks everything is fine. She doesn’t accept any accountability for her actions and how she isolates herself from multiple family members. I’m worried she’s going to lash out or stone wall me if I don’t send her flowers. I barely engage with her as is, but it feels like I’m constantly walking on egg shells around her.

I was thinking of just calling her, and then ignoring any upset or angry communication from her if she wants to complain about not getting flowers.

Why do you care if she lashes out or stonewalls you?

[Anonymous]

If she complains, tell her you thought she'd like to have something permanent from you (the book) rather than something that will only last a few days.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you remember from last year that she feels strongly about receiving flowers and you’re being respectful of her dislike for that.

[Anonymous]

You will never please her, OP. Stop trying. How rude to refuse flowers! Why would you set yourself up for that same abuse? You don’t owe her anything this year, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you remember from last year that she feels strongly about receiving flowers and you’re being respectful of her dislike for that.

+1 You've sent a book with a card, right? That is exactly what I'm giving my mother and I'm not at all estranged from her. It is a book I know she will enjoy and I wrote a short note expressing my appreciation for all that she does for our family.

If your mother indicates that she was expecting flowers then you can go with the great suggestion above.

If you decide you absolutely must do something plant-ish then I would go with an Edible Arrangements to be delivered or drop off a pretty potted orchid.

[Anonymous]

Forget all this and make an appointment with a therapist after you buy yourself a copy of this:
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901

You don’t have to live your life this way.