Would you travel or wait for grandparents to come?

[Anonymous]

I have a 17 month old DS who is all over the place climbing and running, and also sometimes freaked out by big crowds of strangers. He does not sit still. Grandparents are 2 hours and 6 hours by plane. We did 2 hours several months ago and it was not fun and I feel like I have a mental block that I cannot do the 6 hour flight.

Would you fly to visit grandparents at this age or wait for grandparents to visit? I don’t know when they can come, but the 6hr away set may come in the fall if they can. But they are pushing for me to come with DS in June. I know parents fly with toddlers all the time, but in my case it’s not strictly necessary.

[Anonymous]

So it's a case where neither of you want to put yourselves out? Wow.

My parents hastened across the Atlantic to meet their newborn grandkids and help out. And we visited them when the kids were babies and toddlers. We went to Asia and Europe.

Some parts are difficult, like when I couldn't go to sleep during a red-eye because I was busy trying to keep my kid quiet when everyone was asleep! Some parts are stressful, like when I had to deal with a blow-out diaper in the airport restroom while our flight was being called. But it's also exhilarating and exciting to fly home and look forward to the grandparents' joy at seeing their grandkid!

[Anonymous]

Personally I would wait. The travel is stressful enough. But what would really send me over the edge is dealing with my toddler in a new space. They are into everything, and I’d be a wreck in a space that I hadn’t childproofed.

[Anonymous]

I would probably do both. Our son is the same age and both sets of grandparents are about 1000 miles away. We fly to see them and they come here every 2 months or so. The flights aren’t fun but we just consider it part of the deal with trying to foster a relationship between our son and our parents. I get where you are coming from, though, as it is a logistical challenge and expensive to travel for visits and sometimes doesn’t feel “worth it” when my son spends the whole visit overwhelmed and crying when grandparents try to interact with him (because to him, they are strangers) but we just keep at it.

[Anonymous]

Well, I flew to Europe with a kid about that age just for a trip/vacation, so yes, I’d do it to see grandparents. Or offer to pay for their tickets.

[Anonymous]

Also, I don’t know if this is an option for you, but we’ve FaceTimed or Skyped with the grandparents almost daily since our kids were babies. So the grandparents were never strangers or unfamiliar to my kids, even when they hadn’t seen them for a long time.

[Anonymous]

So it’s your 17 Month old, yourself and your DH flying? I mean I know it’s not fun, but people really do this ALL the time. I don’t like it either but remember it’s temporary

[Anonymous]

My in laws live on the west coast and we flew out to see them frequently when each child was around that age. Sure it sucks and it's a lot of work for you, but it's worth it, as long as you can stay for a full week.

[Anonymous]

Op here. To clarify, both sets of grandparents have seen DS several times, it’s not a case of meeting for the first time!We’ve traveled there and they’ve come here. It’s just the age and stage that DS is now that sucks to travel. I’m wondering when it might be easier to travel with him... if 20 months or closer to 2 for example is easier than now, I’d rather just wait until winter. I can really only afford to go once a year to each set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it’s your 17 Month old, yourself and your DH flying? I mean I know it’s not fun, but people really do this ALL the time. I don’t like it either but remember it’s temporary

It would just be me flying. DH would probably be able to take me to the airport though.

[Anonymous]

Take it from someone who has been flying 3-4 times a year for the last 3 years since DD was a young baby: Don’t do it unless you really want to and not just from guilt. There is too much Mom guilting! Don’t succumb to it. When did it become a requirement to fly with one’s baby/toddler anywhere? What percent of kids under 5 have ever been on a plane? It’s totally fine for you not to visit the grandparents, let alone without DH, while your son is at a difficult stage. I’m a frequent flier and have taken four round trips with three year old DD in the last five months, three of those cross-country and a couple of those flights just us two, and next month we will be taking a 12 hour flight but not alone. She is “easy” right now so I don’t mind flying with her, but at 17 months, I took a two hour flight with her without another adult and refused to do it again until she was 2.5. As to when your son will be easier to fly with, it really depends on the kid. I don’t think 20 months will be really different from 17, at 2.5, he could be better or going through his terrible twos. In any case, don’t feel pressured to travel with him, especially without DH’s help, until you are fine and ready!

[Anonymous]

We have a great traveler who is now three and who has been on at least 24 flights, ranging from 2 to 9 hours. He has been really great on most flights.

And still, I would avoid avoid avoid air travel if at all possible. It's stressful, all that gear is a pain, and it messes with the schedule.

If you can avoid or postpone, that would be my advice.

[Anonymous]

I'd wait for it them to come to you, do lots of FaceTime and Skype, email them lots of pictures and anecdotes about your son, in between now and their visit. And, depending on the nature of your relationship and their financial status, perhaps offer to help pay for their trip since you're not traveling to them.

[Anonymous]

I caved to the six hour flight once around that age. By myself. With delays and everything it was an effing disaster. All grandparents are retired and well off. We have 2 in childcare and limited vacation. My rule is I don’t travel times zones with children who still need naps. They are welcome to come whenever and we invite regularly. H can take the kids himself to his parents if he wants to handle that, but he’s had zero interest after he saw the aftermath of the last trip I made in his stead.

[Anonymous]

We do it once a year and have since our kids were born. The key at that age is to buy a seat, especially if you are going solo. (I would not do a cross-country flight solo with a 17mo if you can't swing the extra seat!) We timed flights to nap windows at that age and kids slept in their car seats most of the flight. I actually find long flights much easier than the two-hour flights, since my kids never settle enough on the short flights to fall asleep for very long.