Cardi B for 11 yo boy: yay or nay?

[Anonymous]

My 11 yo son likes Bruno Mars, Adele, John Legend, Drake, Sia... basically the usual Top 40 hits. My husband, a very middle class and non-macho WASP, has always loved rap, which I generally don’t like because of the misogyny. My husband thinks I'm too protective of our kids, and we've had many arguments in the past about how to discuss drugs, porn, crime around them (I’m much more conservative than he is on these things.) Anyway, yesterday, my husband and son got into a discussion about the merits of Cardi B vs Bruno Mars. My husband vehemently took Cardi B’s side, saying that he really admires her talent and tried to convince my son to listen to her more. So I looked up her lyrics to educate myself, and, as I suspected, they are so crude and misogynistic (yeah, she's a woman but so many women in pop culture just blindly take on the mens’ perspective.) Now I'm not sure what line I should walk here. I don't think this music will instantly evaporate my 11 yo son's brain, but I do think that a parent (especially father to son) endorsing those kinds of values just perpetuates misogyny and the attitude that being rude and crude is cool. And I’m not only thinking about my son in this scenario, but the many girls he will socialize with as a teen, and also of my own daughter, who is now 9 and will one day have to choose between being “sexy” and being comfortable in her own skin.

So: am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

I think you need a very specific reason to think it would be harmful to your DS to say something. Because what you suggest is really getting in between your DH and DS talking about shared interests. You may not feel comfortable doing the same with DS, but I'm not sure this is the hill I would die on in terms of risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11 yo son likes Bruno Mars, Adele, John Legend, Drake, Sia... basically the usual Top 40 hits. My husband, a very middle class and non-macho WASP, has always loved rap, which I generally don’t like because of the misogyny. My husband thinks I'm too protective of our kids, and we've had many arguments in the past about how to discuss drugs, porn, crime around them (I’m much more conservative than he is on these things.) Anyway, yesterday, my husband and son got into a discussion about the merits of Cardi B vs Bruno Mars. My husband vehemently took Cardi B’s side, saying that he really admires her talent and tried to convince my son to listen to her more. So I looked up her lyrics to educate myself, and, as I suspected, they are so crude and misogynistic (yeah, she's a woman but so many women in pop culture just blindly take on the mens’ perspective.) Now I'm not sure what line I should walk here. I don't think this music will instantly evaporate my 11 yo son's brain, but I do think that a parent (especially father to son) endorsing those kinds of values just perpetuates misogyny and the attitude that being rude and crude is cool. And I’m not only thinking about my son in this scenario, but the many girls he will socialize with as a teen, and also of my own daughter, who is now 9 and will one day have to choose between being “sexy” and being comfortable in her own skin.

So: am I being unreasonable?

Cardi B is a NO for everyone.

Kudos to you for trying to raise a boy the right way: respecting women and rejecting misogyny.

[Anonymous]

OP here: it is not like my son even likes Cardi B - my husband is trying to make my son like her, that is part of what’s bugging me.

[Anonymous]

CARDI B is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think you should stop anyone from listening to music they like. Yes, she says some pretty weird things in her songs sometimes but its just a song... all of the singers your son listed are great singers!

[Anonymous]

I'd be upset if DH tried the expose DS to Cardi B at 11 years old. I also wouldn't want DH to make DS listen carefully to the words of her songs. Talk to DH about why you aren't ok with this. Having said that, Cardi B is becoming much more mainstream and her songs are on the radio, your DS will be exposed to her music. I was walking last week and a group of white teens in an expensive convertible drove by blasting rap music and singing all along to the words. After you tell DH why you don't like what he's doing, sit DS down and tell him why you disagree with the words to her songs. He already heard them, so now you teach him what's ok.

[Anonymous]

You can’t unhear that mess. Stand firm. He needs parenting skill help and now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CARDI B is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think you should stop anyone from listening to music they like. Yes, she says some pretty weird things in her songs sometimes but its just a song... all of the singers your son listed are great singers!

Farrakhan says some pretty weird things, but it’s just a speech, right?

[Anonymous]

I grew up listening to Ice-T’s cop killer and 2Pac, Jodeci, Nas, all kinds of rap music that’s “misogynistic” and a lot of R&B that is very sexual. I’m a lawyer. I’m fine and I have healthy, nonviolent, respectful relationships.

I don’t think you should censor what your son is listening to. I’m pretty sure almost all of us at some point have listened to some really good music that has questionable messages. You like what you like and many times it’s not necessarily because of the words. As long as you’re raising your son right in everyday interactions and teaching him how to treat people I doubt the music is going to change him. It’s kind of silly to me, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up listening to Ice-T’s cop killer and 2Pac, Jodeci, Nas, all kinds of rap music that’s “misogynistic” and a lot of R&B that is very sexual. I’m a lawyer. I’m fine and I have healthy, nonviolent, respectful relationships.

I don’t think you should censor what your son is listening to. I’m pretty sure almost all of us at some point have listened to some really good music that has questionable messages. You like what you like and many times it’s not necessarily because of the words. As long as you’re raising your son right in everyday interactions and teaching him how to treat people I doubt the music is going to change him. It’s kind of silly to me, actually.

Did you read the OP? Her son isn’t listening to Cardi B. Her husband is for some reason pushing Cardi B on their son, which strikes me as weird.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t forbid it, but I wouldn’t stay quiet, either. Join the conversation they are having - debate with them! Do it with good humor and respect and your son will hear and understand, even if he continues to listen.

[Anonymous]

I've taken my clues ont his stuff from a book I read years ago that argued the best way to deal with the messages the world sends your tweens and teens is to make them talk about the messages and teach them to be critical consumers. Eventually the stuff seeps in no matter what you do. So, better to form a dialoge that allows you to influence the way your kids think.

I have 15 year old and a 12 yr old. We love Maclarmore for his lyrics. My 15 year old DD loves Cardie B but I have threatened to sing along to "My pussy feels like a lake" with her friends in the car just to point out how embarassing and ridiculous her lyrics are. It hasn't stopped her from listening but she also gets to listend to me critique how ridiculous it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've taken my clues ont his stuff from a book I read years ago that argued the best way to deal with the messages the world sends your tweens and teens is to make them talk about the messages and teach them to be critical consumers. Eventually the stuff seeps in no matter what you do. So, better to form a dialoge that allows you to influence the way your kids think.

I have 15 year old and a 12 yr old. We love Maclarmore for his lyrics. My 15 year old DD loves Cardie B but I have threatened to sing along to "My pussy feels like a lake" with her friends in the car just to point out how embarassing and ridiculous her lyrics are. It hasn't stopped her from listening but she also gets to listend to me critique how ridiculous it is.

I LOVE this idea. My 11 year old hasn't shown any interest in Cardi B yet (that I know of), but if he wants to blast it in the car, I am definitely going to use this line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up listening to Ice-T’s cop killer and 2Pac, Jodeci, Nas, all kinds of rap music that’s “misogynistic” and a lot of R&B that is very sexual. I’m a lawyer. I’m fine and I have healthy, nonviolent, respectful relationships.

I don’t think you should censor what your son is listening to. I’m pretty sure almost all of us at some point have listened to some really good music that has questionable messages. You like what you like and many times it’s not necessarily because of the words. As long as you’re raising your son right in everyday interactions and teaching him how to treat people I doubt the music is going to change him. It’s kind of silly to me, actually.

I love when people say “I’m a lawyer” like it is a claim to honor, achievement, and human decency. I’m not one to tell lawyer jokes because there are lawyers who are incredible human beings, but there are also lawyers who are the lowest our species has to offer. The title itself tells me next to nothing about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up listening to Ice-T’s cop killer and 2Pac, Jodeci, Nas, all kinds of rap music that’s “misogynistic” and a lot of R&B that is very sexual. I’m a lawyer. I’m fine and I have healthy, nonviolent, respectful relationships.

I don’t think you should censor what your son is listening to. I’m pretty sure almost all of us at some point have listened to some really good music that has questionable messages. You like what you like and many times it’s not necessarily because of the words. As long as you’re raising your son right in everyday interactions and teaching him how to treat people I doubt the music is going to change him. It’s kind of silly to me, actually.

I love when people say “I’m a lawyer” like it is a claim to honor, achievement, and human decency. I’m not one to tell lawyer jokes because there are lawyers who are incredible human beings, but there are also lawyers who are the lowest our species has to offer. The title itself tells me next to nothing about you.

I'm a lawyer, and while I'm very proud that I'm able to spend my life helping others, I regularly meet lawyers I'd like to get disbarred and/or fling from the city with a trebuchet.