Blurting our and opinionated

[Anonymous]

So I have a child that tends to blurt things out without thinking. I am concerned that it is affecting his relationships in Middle School. I seriously feel like parents look at me funny. I don’t know what to do. Everything is fine at home. No changes happily married. He is just very vocal and opinionated. Neither my wife or I are like this. He is an excellent student but I don’t see friends seeking him out or texting him. He is involved in activities so he probably would not have time but... any advice? I tell him to keep stuff in his head at this point.

[Anonymous]

Evaluation for ADHD and at least CBT for impulse control/self regulation.

- not an expert opinion, just a parent who has been through a lot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Evaluation for ADHD and at least CBT for impulse control/self regulation.

- not an expert opinion, just a parent who has been through a lot

I had him evaluated for ADHD it’s not that. Actually very focused with school and activities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I have a child that tends to blurt things out without thinking. I am concerned that it is affecting his relationships in Middle School. I seriously feel like parents look at me funny. I don’t know what to do. Everything is fine at home. No changes happily married. He is just very vocal and opinionated. Neither my wife or I are like this. He is an excellent student but I don’t see friends seeking him out or texting him. He is involved in activities so he probably would not have time but... any advice? I tell him to keep stuff in his head at this point.

OP, your DS will only be under your roof for a short time. Of course you want to encourage him and nurture him as an individual with independent thoughts and ideas...but it's also your job as his parent to educate him on social norms and the ramifications/unintended consequences of not following them and/or failing to "read the room." Sounds like your son needs a direct lesson on this. You need to tell him that you like that he is his own person with his own thoughts and opinions to share...but he needs to realize there is a time to share them and a time NOT to. And opinions are like belly-buttons! Everyone has one...but we don't all need to see each other's all the time. (I know, there is a more crass version of this, but you get the point.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I have a child that tends to blurt things out without thinking. I am concerned that it is affecting his relationships in Middle School. I seriously feel like parents look at me funny. I don’t know what to do. Everything is fine at home. No changes happily married. He is just very vocal and opinionated. Neither my wife or I are like this. He is an excellent student but I don’t see friends seeking him out or texting him. He is involved in activities so he probably would not have time but... any advice? I tell him to keep stuff in his head at this point.

Does he have any other issues with executive function?

[Anonymous]

What have his school guidance counselor and his team teachers said? They are in a good position to give you valuable insight, especially since you have already had him evaluated for ADHD.

Also, although you don't think that either you or your wife are like this, it is possible that he is picking up something at home. When he says something very bluntly, how do you respond? When you are alone with him, do you laugh because it is outrageous and spot on and charming all at the same time but then when you're in a social environment you are embarrassed by the same outspoken behavior? If that is the case then you need to do some retraining for your child AND for yourselves.

You don't say what grade he is in. Sometimes this is a maturity issue. Again, your son's team teachers and counselors can help with perspective.

Are there any indications for Aspergers?

[Anonymous]

My child has a few friends like this and it has impacted their friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I have a child that tends to blurt things out without thinking. I am concerned that it is affecting his relationships in Middle School. I seriously feel like parents look at me funny. I don’t know what to do. Everything is fine at home. No changes happily married. He is just very vocal and opinionated. Neither my wife or I are like this. He is an excellent student but I don’t see friends seeking him out or texting him. He is involved in activities so he probably would not have time but... any advice? I tell him to keep stuff in his head at this point.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

Where did you do for his ADHD evaluation? Only a reputable psychologist can do it (or dev ped for younger children).

The other possibility is Asperger's. These children need direct, step-by-step explanations of societal norms that others grasp without help. Do you find him a little socially clueless in general? It would explain his lack of friends.

[Anonymous]

What's he saying? He loves God? Or he wants to hurt you?

[Anonymous]

Being opinionated is a good thing. Teach your child to think before he blurts, but let him keep his opinions. You can achieve this with ADHD kids. It just takes a little extra effort. It worked well for mine. I love the fact that he's opinionated. He isn't afraid to be different.

[Anonymous]

Let him be opinionated, but remind him that he should be considerate of others. Not every thought needs to be shared. If he's saying something negative about something that another person really likes, he should consider not saying it at all, or couching it in a more polite way.

"I like Star Wars."
"Star Wars is stupid. Superman is way cooler." VS "Star Wars is okay. I like Superman better, because...." The latter is more polite and might actually lead to a conversation.

The exception is that if he's standing up for someone else. or someone is at risk of getting hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him be opinionated, but remind him that he should be considerate of others. Not every thought needs to be shared. If he's saying something negative about something that another person really likes, he should consider not saying it at all, or couching it in a more polite way.

"I like Star Wars."
"Star Wars is stupid. Superman is way cooler." VS "Star Wars is okay. I like Superman better, because...." The latter is more polite and might actually lead to a conversation.

The exception is that if he's standing up for someone else. or someone is at risk of getting hurt.

op here...yes this is exactly what he does. he doesn't say anything violent or inappropriate. it's the way he says things...very abrupt. "I hate that guy he's annoying.... " "the art teacher is just stupid..."

we are trying to work on it, but it's just not clicking!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him be opinionated, but remind him that he should be considerate of others. Not every thought needs to be shared. If he's saying something negative about something that another person really likes, he should consider not saying it at all, or couching it in a more polite way.

"I like Star Wars."
"Star Wars is stupid. Superman is way cooler." VS "Star Wars is okay. I like Superman better, because...." The latter is more polite and might actually lead to a conversation.

The exception is that if he's standing up for someone else. or someone is at risk of getting hurt.

op here...yes this is exactly what he does. he doesn't say anything violent or inappropriate. it's the way he says things...very abrupt. "I hate that guy he's annoying.... " "the art teacher is just stupid..."

we are trying to work on it, but it's just not clicking!!!

YOU are the problem if you think the words hate or stupid are appropriate. Does he imitate you or another person in the home? The tone is the least of your problems here, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him be opinionated, but remind him that he should be considerate of others. Not every thought needs to be shared. If he's saying something negative about something that another person really likes, he should consider not saying it at all, or couching it in a more polite way.

"I like Star Wars."
"Star Wars is stupid. Superman is way cooler." VS "Star Wars is okay. I like Superman better, because...." The latter is more polite and might actually lead to a conversation.

The exception is that if he's standing up for someone else. or someone is at risk of getting hurt.

op here...yes this is exactly what he does. he doesn't say anything violent or inappropriate. it's the way he says things...very abrupt. "I hate that guy he's annoying.... " "the art teacher is just stupid..."

we are trying to work on it, but it's just not clicking!!!

YOU are the problem if you think the words hate or stupid are appropriate. Does he imitate you or another person in the home? The tone is the least of your problems here, OP.

OP here...instead of being rude tell me how to help him change this. We do not speak this way in our home, it's definitely picked up at school