Our IB school

[Anonymous]

We live in a fantastic neighborhood EOTP and love our neighbors and community. DC got a spot at our neighborhood elementary school which is not highly rated but I’ve heard positive things about from a few neighbors. I went in to register him and now I’m
having major second thoughts. I was there for fifteen minutes and heard multiple adults threaten kids (older than dc) that if they didn’t do X then so and so would beat their ass. I watched two older girls grab another girl by the neck and push her down (yes, I intervened). I heard language from adults and children that should not be tolerated in schools... I can’t stop thinking about it. I love our neighborhood but I grew up in fantastic schools and my mother and MIL are educators so I know firsthand that it doesn’t have to be like this. I’d love to send DC to our neighborhood school but can’t get over it. Am I overreacting? I’m not worried about him academically at all, but socially I don’t want him picking up this language or behavior. What’s the deal? Do other parents just overlook this stuff? Am I being overly sensitive?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I you’re being overly sensitive. We love our EOTP home and are not sending our child to our zoned school for, among other things, the reasons you cited.

[Anonymous]

You’re not over-reacting. If your son is going to be in ECE he’ll be fine but the school environment you describe is precisely why many parents cannot see their local school as a long term solution. If he is going to be in ECE ask how and if those children interact with the older grades. Do they eat lunch in the classroom? Will you need to enroll him in aftercare? These are the things I’d want to know.

[Anonymous]

BTDT:
Here are some of the variations I have seen

1 - people are fine with it - until they have another choice
2 - people are fine with it - and the children of upper SES all socialize with one another / they supplement with extras so it really does not matter and their child does not have a learning disability
3 - people are fine with it - until their child is starting to be aggressive in K / they chaperone a field trip and see the chaos / they are in the school volunteering and see 2 fights break out simultaneously in the 3rd grade class

[Anonymous]

ECA is fine but yeah I see that at the playground in our EoTP neighborhood. Not so much at our local school which is predimintaly latino and those behaviors don't seem to typical certainly not from the parents.

[Anonymous]

Were the adults staff or parents, OP?

Any school can have a bad day. We love ours and having been there two years, I have seen a few isolated incidents that, alone, were upsettung. In the context of all the other problem-free days and the sweet interactions I have with many kids, it does not bother me as much. They keep the little kids very separate except at dropoff and pickup for a few minutes. Also, if you are not used to big kids-- my nephews are constantly wrassling despite their chichi private school, and what I see at DC's school is no different.

I think it is very unlikely your DC would actually emulate those kids. My DC after two years occasiconally repeats a grammatical difference like "ain't" but it does not seem like a big deal to me. I would be more concerned that the school staff is not able to manage behavior well and that creates an unpleasant atmosphere for everyone.

[Anonymous]

My kids have been at our EOTP elementary for almost 5 years now. We've had some conversations about things they'll hear / see, what's acceptable for them, and why. I don't think they've been negatively affected by it. If anything, they understand more about the world than if they were sheltered.

When they've interacted with students a grade or two higher, it's been really pleasant. I think they know to treat the little kids differently than they behave with each other.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you mind to share what your IB school is?

[Anonymous]

We are at a similar school. Yes, there are things that happen that my DD sees. But she still enjoys school, loves her teacher and her friends of all demographics.

You have to consider the benefits, too. When we go to the playground or the pool, she has so many friends from school who are low-income and it's wonderful to see them play together. She is learning a lot about other families, languages, immigration stories, etc. I have literally never seen one of the older kids raise a hand to a little one, not even their own siblings when they were clearly misbehaving. My DD became friends with the 5th grade class president and that girl was so kind to her and so smart and motivated, I hope my daughter will be like her.

Now, I have my limits and I wouldn't send my kids just anywhere. But our school feeds to Stuart-Hobson and I would be fine enrolling DD at Stuart-Hobson today. I have turned down offers from HRCS because I think a larger school like Stuart-Hobson can offer more variety and has a larger number of high-performing kids.

My sister attended an affluent private school and my god, the way those kids treated each other, the girl drama, the cheating scandals, the way they judged our parents for driving a Subaru rather than a Saab FFS! Affluence comes with its own set of ills. Don't think there's any perfect school, OP.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want that to be my kids’ daily environment any more than I’d want it to be mine. That’s why we live in a crappy house — so my kids can spend their days in positive surroundings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a fantastic neighborhood EOTP and love our neighbors and community. DC got a spot at our neighborhood elementary school which is not highly rated but I’ve heard positive things about from a few neighbors. I went in to register him and now I’m
having major second thoughts. I was there for fifteen minutes and heard multiple adults threaten kids (older than dc) that if they didn’t do X then so and so would beat their ass. I watched two older girls grab another girl by the neck and push her down (yes, I intervened). I heard language from adults and children that should not be tolerated in schools... I can’t stop thinking about it. I love our neighborhood but I grew up in fantastic schools and my mother and MIL are educators so I know firsthand that it doesn’t have to be like this. I’d love to send DC to our neighborhood school but can’t get over it. Am I overreacting? I’m not worried about him academically at all, but socially I don’t want him picking up this language or behavior. What’s the deal? Do other parents just overlook this stuff? Am I being overly sensitive?

Kids‘ behavior is one thing. The adult behavior you described is absolutely unacceptable. And if that’s how they talk with visitors/parents around, think about the possibilities when you’re not there. I don’t say this as an alarmist but as a parent who has been there/done that. No matter what anyone tells you, the most important thing you can do is trust your instincts as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are at a similar school. Yes, there are things that happen that my DD sees. But she still enjoys school, loves her teacher and her friends of all demographics.

You have to consider the benefits, too. When we go to the playground or the pool, she has so many friends from school who are low-income and it's wonderful to see them play together. She is learning a lot about other families, languages, immigration stories, etc. I have literally never seen one of the older kids raise a hand to a little one, not even their own siblings when they were clearly misbehaving. My DD became friends with the 5th grade class president and that girl was so kind to her and so smart and motivated, I hope my daughter will be like her.

Now, I have my limits and I wouldn't send my kids just anywhere. But our school feeds to Stuart-Hobson and I would be fine enrolling DD at Stuart-Hobson today. I have turned down offers from HRCS because I think a larger school like Stuart-Hobson can offer more variety and has a larger number of high-performing kids.

My sister attended an affluent private school and my god, the way those kids treated each other, the girl drama, the cheating scandals, the way they judged our parents for driving a Subaru rather than a Saab FFS! Affluence comes with its own set of ills. Don't think there's any perfect school, OP.

How do you identify these "friends" as low income? Do the parents converse with you about their finances or are you assuming for some reason that they are low-income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a fantastic neighborhood EOTP and love our neighbors and community. DC got a spot at our neighborhood elementary school which is not highly rated but I’ve heard positive things about from a few neighbors. I went in to register him and now I’m
having major second thoughts. I was there for fifteen minutes and heard multiple adults threaten kids (older than dc) that if they didn’t do X then so and so would beat their ass. I watched two older girls grab another girl by the neck and push her down (yes, I intervened). I heard language from adults and children that should not be tolerated in schools... I can’t stop thinking about it. I love our neighborhood but I grew up in fantastic schools and my mother and MIL are educators so I know firsthand that it doesn’t have to be like this. I’d love to send DC to our neighborhood school but can’t get over it. Am I overreacting? I’m not worried about him academically at all, but socially I don’t want him picking up this language or behavior. What’s the deal? Do other parents just overlook this stuff? Am I being overly sensitive?

Kids‘ behavior is one thing. The adult behavior you described is absolutely unacceptable. And if that’s how they talk with visitors/parents around, think about the possibilities when you’re not there. I don’t say this as an alarmist but as a parent who has been there/done that. No matter what anyone tells you, the most important thing you can do is trust your instincts as a parent.

And unfortunately my family has found that adults/guardians/parents who act like this in front of you are most likely not teaching tolerance and understanding at home either - and your DC will unfortunately eventually be bullied for being different.

[Anonymous]

You are not overreacting, and I would be very uncomfortable with what you are describing. Fwiw, our EOTP is not like that -- I pickup every day at 3:15 and hang around for quite a while, I have never seen or heard anything like that. Trust your instincts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at a similar school. Yes, there are things that happen that my DD sees. But she still enjoys school, loves her teacher and her friends of all demographics.

You have to consider the benefits, too. When we go to the playground or the pool, she has so many friends from school who are low-income and it's wonderful to see them play together. She is learning a lot about other families, languages, immigration stories, etc. I have literally never seen one of the older kids raise a hand to a little one, not even their own siblings when they were clearly misbehaving. My DD became friends with the 5th grade class president and that girl was so kind to her and so smart and motivated, I hope my daughter will be like her.

Now, I have my limits and I wouldn't send my kids just anywhere. But our school feeds to Stuart-Hobson and I would be fine enrolling DD at Stuart-Hobson today. I have turned down offers from HRCS because I think a larger school like Stuart-Hobson can offer more variety and has a larger number of high-performing kids.

My sister attended an affluent private school and my god, the way those kids treated each other, the girl drama, the cheating scandals, the way they judged our parents for driving a Subaru rather than a Saab FFS! Affluence comes with its own set of ills. Don't think there's any perfect school, OP.

How do you identify these "friends" as low income? Do the parents converse with you about their finances or are you assuming for some reason that they are low-income?

One of them is someone I work with. I know based on her job approximately what she makes, and I know she's a single mom of three kids. I suppose it would depend on the exact definition of at-risk. Another is someone I've met through our church, and she's well-educated in her home country, she just doesn't have the English ability to get a good job here but education is her #1 priority. Just because someone is low-income at the moment doesn't mean they don't care about a good school or aren't interested in what a HRCS has to offer.