Can’t stop beating myself up

[Anonymous]

So he says he doesn’t love me, hasn’t for a while. Newly served a Divorce notice, it’s crushing
Now all I find myself doing is th8nking and over all the things I’ve done wrong. Over and over My mind is on a terrible loop!

I was too embarrassed to address my lack of sex drive
I was more focused on the house and kids than him
I cold have promoted more of the activities he wanted to do
I didn’t express enough interest in his th8gs, which I find boring
I said I love you a lot, but probably didn’t show it.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP I’m sorry you’re doing that. It’s easy to blame yourself and it’s also easy to blame others when things go wrong. The truth is that, it really does take two. Stop beating yourself up, try to get out and get some exercise today it’s a great stress relief. Know that it’s not all your fault and try to be good to yourself. Call a friend and get out for a walk / talk. Keep moving it helps! Good luck

[Anonymous]

I blamed myself for my last divorce, although I'm the one who decided it was over and left. Last summer my ex-husband just suddenly told me that he owed me an apology. He said he knew that I blamed myself, and that he pushed me to leave him because he was afraid he would get hurt. I never knew that. I thought his lack of interest was because he didn't care. He cared too much. I'm sorry that you're going through this, OP.

[Anonymous]

I fell so bitchy, and I’m not a bitchy person. I. Am A nice woman!
Why would he not like? Why would he not care enough to try and work on things? How can he give up on his kids??

The lack of communication of how he was feeling is staggering to me. I knew things were not good,but THIS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he says he doesn’t love me, hasn’t for a while. Newly served a Divorce notice, it’s crushing
Now all I find myself doing is th8nking and over all the things I’ve done wrong. Over and over My mind is on a terrible loop!

I was too embarrassed to address my lack of sex drive
I was more focused on the house and kids than him
I cold have promoted more of the activities he wanted to do
I didn’t express enough interest in his th8gs, which I find boring
I said I love you a lot, but probably didn’t show it.

OP, one person is rarely responsible for the problems in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fell so bitchy, and I’m not a bitchy person. I. Am A nice woman!
Why would he not like? Why would he not care enough to try and work on things? How can he give up on his kids??

The lack of communication of how he was feeling is staggering to me. I knew things were not good,but THIS?

This doesn't sound at all like someone beating them self up. Everything in this post is about what HE is doing wrong. You seem to have deflected the blame just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fell so bitchy, and I’m not a bitchy person. I. Am A nice woman!
Why would he not like? Why would he not care enough to try and work on things? How can he give up on his kids??

The lack of communication of how he was feeling is staggering to me. I knew things were not good,but THIS?

Being bitchy is an personality trait. Being a good person (if that's what you meant by "i'm a nice woman") is a character trait. Both can co-exist.

What women think of as communication is often interpreted by men as being naggy. Extreme nagginess leads to being bitchy.

Just putting it out there as a guy.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you're going through this. The sooner you accept it's over (fault or not), the better you'll feel!

[Anonymous]

Are you the OP of "He wants a Divorce, I don't?"
Get off this board.... It can't help. Seriously. If it's you, you already have a thread going. Don't start throwing darts out there for internet feedback. You need your actual friends and support network, not this board, which can only go south in my opinion and you'll wind up feeling worse than you already do.

[Anonymous]

No guilt that I can see here, sorry for disappointing you, OP.

He's gaslighting you. Grow up and find someone who can appreciate you for you.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

None of those things should have mattered, if he was fully vested in you.
Don't blame yourself one bit.

[Anonymous]

Regret isn’t going to change things. What can you take from this experience as you move forward? At the core of what you posted it sounded like you don’t like to confront problems and forgot to show someone you care about that you value and appreciate them. Possibly this is the only relationship/situation where it’s manifested itself but often it crosses into other situations. Use the time to figure out why, what might be the other impacts, and if you want to put energy towards changing it. It won’t bring back your ex, but will help you not make the same mistakes again. I’m writing this as someone that has had issues standing up for myself and can see clearly how that has impacted workplace, my relationships with parents, and how I raise my children. It’s taken me time to see that and work through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No guilt that I can see here, sorry for disappointing you, OP.

He's gaslighting you. Grow up and find someone who can appreciate you for you.

He's not gaslight in her He's divorcing her OMG stop with the gaslight in already.