Privilege exercise

[Anonymous]

My daughter is a part of a club and last night they did something called a privilege rally where they had a list of things like “I have never been a religious minority” “I have never wondered where my next meal will come from” “my parents are still married.” There were 75 items on the list and kids had to check off each item as it applied to them and then tally them up and place their number on a board. All the other kids had numbers in the 60s and 70s, my daughter had a number in the 30s.

She felt extremely isolated, and while I have to imagine some of this is sort of a “no one is staring at you you’re just self conscious” situation she says she felt like everyone was looking at her and she doesn’t want to go back.

Suggestions on how to handle this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a part of a club and last night they did something called a privilege rally where they had a list of things like “I have never been a religious minority” “I have never wondered where my next meal will come from” “my parents are still married.” There were 75 items on the list and kids had to check off each item as it applied to them and then tally them up and place their number on a board. All the other kids had numbers in the 60s and 70s, my daughter had a number in the 30s.

She felt extremely isolated, and while I have to imagine some of this is sort of a “no one is staring at you you’re just self conscious” situation she says she felt like everyone was looking at her and she doesn’t want to go back.

Suggestions on how to handle this?

Perhaps a conversation with the leader of the exercise at the club, where you say that making children who have less privilege feel conspicuous for having less privilege is presumably counter-productive to the intended point of the exercise, so next time please don't ask the kids to post the numbers publicly.

[Anonymous]

They should not have had to score this publicly. She needs to go back to show she's not ashamed (even if she is). Talk to the head of the group before it's time to go back.

[Anonymous]

Ouch, probably not very well thought out exercise. Someone probably saw that video and thought we'll make the privileged kids realize their privilege - failing to see that it would be at the expense of the underprivileged. Another privilege of the privileged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ouch, probably not very well thought out exercise. Someone probably saw that video and thought we'll make the privileged kids realize their privilege - failing to see that it would be at the expense of the underprivileged. Another privilege of the privileged.

This is a good point. At my DD's elementary school each year there was a school-wide science project where each kid had to construct a way to drop a raw egg off the roof of the school without it breaking. I was on food stamps all through DD's elementary school years. There were times I couldn't afford to pay for the train to get her to school. Each year I had to tell her teacher ahead of time that DD would not be contributing an egg - that we could not afford to waste protein that way. And by 2nd grade DD was aware enough of the waste that she was uncomfortable watching so much viable food go uneaten that she didn't want to participate.

[Anonymous]

Yikes...is this a student run club or is it facilitated by an adult?

Agree with the PP that it wasn't well thought-out. Probably the facilitator didn't realize what the distribution of scores would look like (maybe a symptom of privilege). There are well-established ways of doing this sort of thing, but they involve making people feel very safe and letting them choose what to share.

[Anonymous]

Well, what did you expect from a club?

Choose wisely, next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes...is this a student run club or is it facilitated by an adult?

Agree with the PP that it wasn't well thought-out. Probably the facilitator didn't realize what the distribution of scores would look like (maybe a symptom of privilege). There are well-established ways of doing this sort of thing, but they involve making people feel very safe and letting them choose what to share.

Both. The students were running the exercise but there were adults there.

I think I know WHY they did it. It's an affluent, predominately white school and they were probably thinking everyone would get high scores and make it into one of those "see! You have an abundance of privilege in ways you don't even realize!" forgetting that there are in fact kids at that school that have had various difficult circumstances in their lives.

It sucks, especially because this is DD's first year at the school and she already felt kind of out of place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes...is this a student run club or is it facilitated by an adult?

Agree with the PP that it wasn't well thought-out. Probably the facilitator didn't realize what the distribution of scores would look like (maybe a symptom of privilege). There are well-established ways of doing this sort of thing, but they involve making people feel very safe and letting them choose what to share.

Both. The students were running the exercise but there were adults there.

I think I know WHY they did it. It's an affluent, predominately white school and they were probably thinking everyone would get high scores and make it into one of those "see! You have an abundance of privilege in ways you don't even realize!" forgetting that there are in fact kids at that school that have had various difficult circumstances in their lives.

It sucks, especially because this is DD's first year at the school and she already felt kind of out of place.

I'm so sorry, OP; this must be painful for your daughter, and, of course, for you. I would really encourage you to speak to the teachers and explain your perspective. I'm a teacher and if this happened at our school, I would want to know about it and respond. As far as your daughter's feeling out of place generally, can you talk to someone in the administration or a counselor?

[Anonymous]

It already happened. There's no significant "handling" of it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ouch, probably not very well thought out exercise. Someone probably saw that video and thought we'll make the privileged kids realize their privilege - failing to see that it would be at the expense of the underprivileged. Another privilege of the privileged.

It's possible the club leader noticed this during the exercise, once the results went up onto the board. A conversation with him/her would help them as they handle with the club moving forward, as well as how they would use an exercise like this in the future. Not to say that you owe it to help the club leader in this way, but that the conversation would be beneficial all around.

[Anonymous]

would your dd feel comfortable going up to the advisor and just explaining why this was problematic for her? I know that could be really uncomfortable but would help.

It's a hard situation for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It already happened. There's no significant "handling" of it now.

It's so that they think through things like this going forward.
Sometimes you can't make things better for yourself but can make them better for those who come up after you.

I'm the poster who was on food stamps for a long time. My DD got really into animals and nature and I found something similar to a 4H club in our city. It was on the opposite end of the city from where we live, so just to attend the first meeting was two hours roundtrip of commuting. And then the woman running the meeting talks about driving an hour outside of the city to visit baby goats, and an organic farm, etc. I asked about transportation to these - are they in walking distance of train lines or will there be a bus for the group, etc. She said no, all the parents take turns carpooling. I don't have a car. She suggested I could get a car for under $10k. Right. Like I had that kind of money laying around. Like I would spend that kind of money so my daughter could go feed baby goats once a month. DD had to quit. There was just no way to make it work. And I laid out for the leader of the group exactly why she had to quit, just so she'd know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ouch, probably not very well thought out exercise. Someone probably saw that video and thought we'll make the privileged kids realize their privilege - failing to see that it would be at the expense of the underprivileged. Another privilege of the privileged.

It's possible the club leader noticed this during the exercise, once the results went up onto the board. A conversation with him/her would help them as they handle with the club moving forward, as well as how they would use an exercise like this in the future. Not to say that you owe it to help the club leader in this way, but that the conversation would be beneficial all around.

I agree -- but be prepared for the club leader to react defensively to the idea that they didn't realize their privilege...

OP, maybe ask your daughter whether she would like to talk to the club leader, or whether it would be ok for you to do it.

[Anonymous]

Activities like this just make me angry. My teen had to do one at school and came home so confused because they kept talking about white privelige and so many of the things didn’t apply to him, even though he’s white. It’s a difficult conversation to have with your kid when he’s made to feel embarrassed that he’s white and further embarrassed that he’s not coming from storybook circumstances.