Spin-Off: I'm theone who doesn't call or visit when in town

[Anonymous]

... because although I live a six hour flight away from DC, I'm NOT actually IN DC -- I am 90 minutes away, without traffic, on a good day.

I telecommute and only go to the office on big (professional) occasions, and I don't have a car.

What should I tell my friends and family, who have professions with more flexible schedules (but have understandable barriers themselves, like new babies?)?

I just don't think they GET it and I think they feel slighted and/or like I'm a workaholic. But the reason I'm traveling is for professional, not social reasons, and if I were to go to them the professional part would definitely not be possible.

And while I consider at times extending my calendar in the office over a weekend the truth is I want to get home and see MY kids, as much as I'd also like to hang out with theirs...

[Anonymous]

Reasonable people get this. If they aren't reasonable then their opinion should matter much less.

[Anonymous]

They are friends of mine -- really, really good friends in a couple cases (& in-laws) but they don't get it as they have, as I mentioned, always had very different working schedules than me (think teacher or professor).

I hate that I am offending them but I just don't have that sort of job.

[Anonymous]

stop telling people you are on a business trip.

[Anonymous]

If it's business only, don't talk about the trip with family, don't post about it on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's business only, don't talk about the trip with family, don't post about it on social media.

+ 1 they only know if you tell them.

[Anonymous]

I mean I do this and I make time for my friends. I think it depends on how often you travel to DC. I go quarterly and that is my only chance to see like 20 really important people to me so if I didn't make time for any of them I'd never see anyone. I try to make an effort for one or two events, multiple people if possible when in town.

It kind of DOES say something if you are in town and aren't using spare time to connect with a couple people.

[Anonymous]

You're not alone, OP. I feel it's the rare person who can arrange for enough flexibility and can multi-task enough in order to see friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean I do this and I make time for my friends. I think it depends on how often you travel to DC. I go quarterly and that is my only chance to see like 20 really important people to me so if I didn't make time for any of them I'd never see anyone. I try to make an effort for one or two events, multiple people if possible when in town.

It kind of DOES say something if you are in town and aren't using spare time to connect with a couple people.

Thanks, this is helpful as it illustrates what I mean.

My point is that I don't have the spare time. It would be about 4 hours of travel, round-trip, from where I am to the places where these folks are. And I'm there for work- and intense work- related purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... because although I live a six hour flight away from DC, I'm NOT actually IN DC -- I am 90 minutes away, without traffic, on a good day.

I telecommute and only go to the office on big (professional) occasions, and I don't have a car.

What should I tell my friends and family, who have professions with more flexible schedules (but have understandable barriers themselves, like new babies?)?

I just don't think they GET it and I think they feel slighted and/or like I'm a workaholic. But the reason I'm traveling is for professional, not social reasons, and if I were to go to them the professional part would definitely not be possible.

And while I consider at times extending my calendar in the office over a weekend the truth is I want to get home and see MY kids, as much as I'd also like to hang out with theirs...

They probably dont care. You are overthinking

[Anonymous]

They definitely care.

[Anonymous]

I have the same thing happen, OP. When I am traveling for work I am working from 7:30 AM to usually 11 PM at night. I generally get to go back to my room for 1/2 hour to drop off my computer before the mandatory work dinner.

I literally have NO TIME AT ALL to socialize. I don't think people get this -- even my DH, who knows this, didn't realize it until he and the kids came with me for one meeting. he was like "I see now you really are busy every single second when you are on these trips! yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I do this and I make time for my friends. I think it depends on how often you travel to DC. I go quarterly and that is my only chance to see like 20 really important people to me so if I didn't make time for any of them I'd never see anyone. I try to make an effort for one or two events, multiple people if possible when in town.

It kind of DOES say something if you are in town and aren't using spare time to connect with a couple people.

Thanks, this is helpful as it illustrates what I mean.

My point is that I don't have the spare time. It would be about 4 hours of travel, round-trip, from where I am to the places where these folks are. And I'm there for work- and intense work- related purposes.

I am PP. And I add a day if I'm swamped. Or I call and work with people to figure out how to meet halfway. People understand being busy, I think its harder understanding not trying at all.

I get the wanting to get back to your family, I get the being busy, but I think when you're usually 500 miles away (or whatever) and you're now 60 miles away (or whatever) then using that opportunity to try to clock some visiting hours is worth trying for.

[Anonymous]

I've traveled for business many times over many years and rarely try to mix business with social/friendship. The exception was trying to visit elderly parents or a sibling but rarely with friends. Extending a business trip was a burden on my spouse and kids and I really liked getting home. Most business people I know are the same way. But if you are single that's a whole different scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've traveled for business many times over many years and rarely try to mix business with social/friendship. The exception was trying to visit elderly parents or a sibling but rarely with friends. Extending a business trip was a burden on my spouse and kids and I really liked getting home. Most business people I know are the same way. But if you are single that's a whole different scenario.

OP sounds like me. I grew up in DC and so its more than just friends here, it is a wide network of basically everyone I've ever known.

I have kids and I will actually go a step farther and usually take them with me so THEY can see all those people.

Its hard sometimes and stressful when we're in town but if I didn't do that I would never see those people. I've always adopted the strategy of connecting with friends and family when I have the opportunity because as you have kids and a more complicated life the opportunities get fewer and fewer.