Best advice for families sharing vacation beach house

[Anonymous]

Yeah! My sister's family and mine rented a beach house together for week in August. Getting the house was a little tricky but I stuck to my criteria (oceanfront as I have one week and I want what I want), budget (generous but I decided not to go crazy this time) - and bedrooms for all (as I hate tip toeing around when one of the 'living rooms' is used as a bedroom via a pull out couch.) Sister and I were prepared to rent separately if we couldn't find place together so glad that worked but I think the harder part will come - the actual week together!!! What do you do to make these family togetherness weeks work?

We've shared houses before w/friends/DH family but interestingly - part of what made those weeks stress free for me was we always were 'hosts' in that we'd rent big places and invite others to join us (as guests/no charge) - but now as equal shares - I know I need to be open to others ways of doing things (dang!!!) Our week is complicated too as it is mostly adults as We = me/DH and our now 2 adult DD (both w/SO's and one baby) and a younger ES aged DS. My sister is newly married & her DH's 2 (younger than mine) adult DDs. They live in Colorado so we haven't been around them a lot so there will also be some getting to really know each other adjustments.

I know the first negotiations will be the bedrooms (luckily all rooms look pretty nice but of course not all ocean front) but I am trying to be Zen and not invest in the 'I need THAT room' mentality. I will suggest that we each take one night to plan/decide dinner (cook in or eat out) but beyond some obvious - what house rules work in shared vacation weeks? Our third sister is staying near by so it is a crazy mesh of family

[Anonymous]

Decide now what to do if someone has to cancel their trip. Also decide in advance about how you will split groceries.

If any of you are loud or like loud tv/music, also decide about "quiet hours". My inlaws had a vacation ruined by a writer friend who woke up at 4:00 every morning to use her typewriter in the kitchen. In 2014.

[Anonymous]

I would make sure you're on the same page with cleanliness and tidiness. We shared a beach house with my best friend and her family one year. We have spent a lot of time at their house but didn't realize what their standard of cleanliness was. They left dirty dishes everywhere, open food containers out which attracted fruit flies, wet towels on chairs etc. We're not clean freaks but this wasn't comfortable for us. In hindsight we should have discussed it beforehand. We both paid the same amount so we couldn't demand they clean up after themselves.

[Anonymous]

Make sure whoever is the last to leave doesn't get stuck with tons of clean up.

Those paying get first dibs on rooms. All other rooms are selected in the order people show up.

[Anonymous]

We normally use a chore chart. I've gotten flack on here for the idea in the past, but it works really well. It doesn't need to be super insane, but with a LOT of people, there is a lot of general cleaning that needs to happen. So at a minimum do a once daily "kitchen chores" that rotates through the family units. This can be as involved as you want it to be. Our was fairly extensive, but that's what works.

This works well because we have little kids in the house and no one is going out to eat. So the kitchen is used HEAVILY all day long. It needs tidying, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, the trash needs to go out, multiple times a day.

We also rotate cooking dinner each night (again, each family unit takes a night) and we all eat together. Breakfast and lunch is more "as you go". We are all pretty generous, but we each do a grocery store run the day we are cooking. There is always stuff that needs to be bought, and we are mostly using it kinda equally. So I'd go to the store to get my stuff for dinner and anything else (chips, lunch meat, beer, milk, etc). This works well, but again no one is bean counting and we all are fine with this break down. It just sort of happened organically like this with 16 people in a house, we always need something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure whoever is the last to leave doesn't get stuck with tons of clean up.

Those paying get first dibs on rooms. All other rooms are selected in the order people show up.

All good points. People paying for the house get the best rooms, all other family units decided on needs. I'd decide bedrooms with your sister ahead of time, just to keep from any arrival tension.

Bring ear plugs for everyone and download some white noise apps that you can recommend.

[Anonymous]

OP, you come across as a little bit obnoxious because you obviously feel superior to your sister due to your larger vacation budget. "I want what I want. I decided not to go crazy this time," etc. And I say this as a wealthy person.

Also, I think you're the kind of person who's going to be quietly seething if you don't get the choice MBR. And it sounds like your sister has already compromised by coming up to your budget. Why don't you suggest that you'll take the best master bedroom in exchange for paying 70% of the rental?

She gets to save a little money, you ensure your precious ocean view to which you know you're entitled.

[Anonymous]

Agree on fanciness of meals. Look for carryout/delivery options to give people a break. Look for a delivery grocery service like Peapod so that someone isn't constantly shopping with a crowd that size.

Relax and let people do their own thing. Sounds like you are a control freak so you may need to let go a bit.

Like a PP said, don't count pennies in terms of who has paid what.

[Anonymous]

What beach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you come across as a little bit obnoxious because you obviously feel superior to your sister due to your larger vacation budget. "I want what I want. I decided not to go crazy this time," etc. And I say this as a wealthy person.

Also, I think you're the kind of person who's going to be quietly seething if you don't get the choice MBR. And it sounds like your sister has already compromised by coming up to your budget. Why don't you suggest that you'll take the best master bedroom in exchange for paying 70% of the rental?

She gets to save a little money, you ensure your precious ocean view to which you know you're entitled.

OP here: Don't see how you read into my saying I wanted to stick to my (albeit 'generous') budget meant my budget was bigger than my sisters as I'd say if anything my sister/her DH are probably better off but neither of us are hurting. In reality she wanted to jump on one house that was nearly twice as much as I was willing to spend this year (you can have money and still try and not spend it needlessly.) My criteria of oceanfront was for easy beach access as I mentioned our group/my DD has baby so we/I are less interested in bells and whistles that house that caught her eye had as we/I just want ease of heading back into house for naps, etc. So again PP your reading my oceanfront within my budget as 'entitlement' - it actually missed the mark as I was hoping my DD and her DH have an easy time bringing their 1yo out to the beach so they have fun along with the rest of us with out babies/young kids.

And as I outed myself as trying for Zen so as NOT to be that person hoping for a specific room you may have got me - but really - all I want is for some good pointers so that I don't have baseless assumptions of motives when I am sharing a week with my beloved sister - as well as my own much loved kids/SILs and DH - and grandbaby!!!

[Anonymous]

We host people at our beach house most of the summer and let people do whatever the hell they want. Can't imagine it is that much different than renting a house together. IF you are sharing a house together you should be close enough to figure daily meals and activities out. What is the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Next time, skip the house and rent condos in the same building--lots more harmonious. You can host dinner if you like, or you can go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time, skip the house and rent condos in the same building--lots more harmonious. You can host dinner if you like, or you can go out.

OP here. Thanks but we wanted to all be together as there is something special about sharing same space (looking forward to early morning coffee in our pj's) - and also we both wanted houses not sharing common space with strangers so also ruled out duplexes and condos. House we eventually got is surprisingly nice considering there are so few still available so 'late' in year and big enough that there are two 'family rooms' so we're together but not on top of each other which I think will help. I guess my question wasn't clear as I am not regretting sharing (we planned this after all!) but I just don't to be writing about the 'vacation horror stories' and 'I hate family' afterwards. Thanks

[Anonymous]

We do a similar trip in a huge house with a bunch of families. Key is to have someone help organize the communal stuff that needs to be brought (games, beach stuff, crock pot etc.) as well as meals

[Anonymous]

Do not obligate others. No one should have expectations re: any particular activity or expect meals together. People like to vacation differently, ie .. some people enjoy sitting out on the beach late afternoon/early evening. That's my favorite time.