Does anyone else's spouse turn into a monster when their parents visit?

[Anonymous]

DH and in laws seem to get along fine.

But like clockwork, each one of their visits brings a sh*+storm of moods, anger, and irrational fights, starting a day to a few days before.

It's exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Mine turns irritable when his own parents visits, and I get irritable when mine are around. We're totally fine around each other's parents...

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, exactly what you described happens to us before my parents visit, and it is due to anticipatory changes in me.

Piecing this together took some time for us, but when we figured it out, I started distancing myself significantly from my parents.

It turns out that I was getting anxious anticipating dealing with my judgmental, selfish, critical, controlling, and underhanded mother and alcoholic step father, and I was taking it out on my DH. Once I really saw what was happening, I made changes to put and end to it.

[Anonymous]

My DH doesn't get extremely angry or start irrational fights, but he does get incredibly anxious and irritable when his mother comes.. He spends days, even weeks, of his free time deep-cleaning the house from top to bottom. This is his own undertaking, but he flips out if we do anything to deter his efforts (such as leaving an empty bowl on the counter). He spends far too much time planning every detail of her stay, trying to make everything perfect. He often just breaks down from the stress of it all. There's more he does that I'm probably forgetting. It's exhausting for me, but I know it's likely much more exhausting for him. His mother is a terrible and narcissistic person and this frenzy he goes into prior to her visiting is the most obvious example of how she has damaged him with her behavior.

[Anonymous]

One of my close friends is like this. I have no idea how her husband tolerates it. She becomes very short tempered and just miserable to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH doesn't get extremely angry or start irrational fights, but he does get incredibly anxious and irritable when his mother comes.. He spends days, even weeks, of his free time deep-cleaning the house from top to bottom. This is his own undertaking, but he flips out if we do anything to deter his efforts (such as leaving an empty bowl on the counter). He spends far too much time planning every detail of her stay, trying to make everything perfect. He often just breaks down from the stress of it all. There's more he does that I'm probably forgetting. It's exhausting for me, but I know it's likely much more exhausting for him. His mother is a terrible and narcissistic person and this frenzy he goes into prior to her visiting is the most obvious example of how she has damaged him with her behavior.

Are his parents divorced? Can also think of someone like this and the mom cheated because she wasn’t “Happy “ and I see a similar effect on the kids.

[Anonymous]

So weird to me. Knowing my parents are coming makes me so happy! But I also finally figured this out in my DH. In fact I started driving home from visits to see them because he was speeding the whole way home!

[Anonymous]

My DH knows that I get depressed, tearful, and anxious around the time my parents visit. Their visits are just very frenetic and a huge energy suck for both of us.

His parents are deceased. He's very supportive. One of the many reasons I love him.

[Anonymous]

After a couple of hours of close contact, we regress to the way we were as adolescents around our parents. No matter how much we are rock stars in our adult lives now. I limit my contact with my parents for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Don’t want to talk about it. Just try to be supportive and ease his stress. Hope that they don’t visit too often!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After a couple of hours of close contact, we regress to the way we were as adolescents around our parents. No matter how much we are rock stars in our adult lives now. I limit my contact with my parents for this reason.

Nope, ‘we’ don’t. If you do that you should figure that one out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After a couple of hours of close contact, we regress to the way we were as adolescents around our parents. No matter how much we are rock stars in our adult lives now. I limit my contact with my parents for this reason.

+1 This is us too.

[Anonymous]

Some of us have in-laws from hell.

[Anonymous]

Yes! DH always wants to cook like we have 18 royals visiting when his parents come. He gets stressed and takes it out on me or kids. Also he almost always gets into a fight with his parents and spends the whole visit avoiding them. I hate it.

[Anonymous]

No. Just when she's hungry.