Engineering student wants to transfer out in his jr year...

[Anonymous]

I hope someone can help me here. DC should be finishing his 3rd year in engineering at a good school. He has informed us that he hasn’t been going to class at all this semester and wants to come home and transfer to a closer school. He has been going to a counselor there for what he feels is ADHD. I feel he is depressed. He becomes very argumentative if we ask any questions. I don’t care where he goes to school I just want this kid to be happy. DH is beyond upset over the 150k plus lost.
How will he be able to transfer? I don’t see how he can do that even if he withdraws for this semester. Also, isn’t the deadline over for fall transfers?

I apologize if this is all over the place. We are currently seeking a psychiatrist and therapist for him.

[Anonymous]

If he hasn't been going to class, he is probably failing all of his classes.

It sounds like he doesn't have much of a choice but to withdraw and come home. I think he needs to deal with whatever is causing this before he can consider transferring to another school.

I'm sorry, Op.

[Anonymous]

I think it is interesting that this is happening in his third year. The first two years of engineering are a total grind and designed to wash people out. By the time you get to third year you are taking mostly classes in your major and while still hard they are usually more manageable as you tend to a) like the subject a lot more and b) they aren't trying to get rid of you. A break might be a great idea if you can swing it. Can he just take this semester off and return in the fall?

[Anonymous]

17:06 I agree that it is strange. I am baffled. I would like to have him take a break. But he can’t take a break and return because one of the classes he is taking is a repeat. He can’t take it again. He needs it. He is also very upset about the money. As a result he doesn’t want to go back.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He also go a great internship offer for the summer. He accepted the offer and now this..
I hurt for him, but I just don’t know what to do at this point.

[Anonymous]

If you are sure he’s been doing well until this semester, find a doctor who can help you pull him out on medical reason. Get a “W” on his transcript and regroup.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, the third year is when you begin taking the "core" courses. They are usually more in-line with your major, no less difficult than the "weed out" courses.

The fact that he hasn't been attending class and is argumentative suggests that he's hiding something. He needs to come completely clean about what is going on, especially if you are paying for everything ($50K per year!). If you're paying that kind of money, I assume that this is a good school with academic advisors who can help you try to "right the vessel."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:06 I agree that it is strange. I am baffled. I would like to have him take a break. But he can’t take a break and return because one of the classes he is taking is a repeat. He can’t take it again. He needs it. He is also very upset about the money. As a result he doesn’t want to go back.

If he withdraws and doesn't get credit for it, why can't he do the retake when he gets back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He also go a great internship offer for the summer. He accepted the offer and now this..
I hurt for him, but I just don’t know what to do at this point.

O.k. he needs to withdraw and come home. It sounds as though he needs to see a doctor.

[Anonymous]

I think there is more to the story than he is telling you. I would get to school and talk to staff there not just about what is going on, but also how to withdraw properly. There are many rules and regs.

[Anonymous]

Call the school for advice.

Maybe withdrawl or maybe take incomplete and get a medical accommodation to finish the classes later.

You have not wasted $250k because the previous semesters don't just disappear.

I know a kid that did a gap year after sophomore year and came back more mature and energized to buckle down.

Go see him, figure this out together. Most mental illness presents between 18-25 so get him to a doctor.

Don't get bogged down in worry. Provide loving kindness and support. You can get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are sure he’s been doing well until this semester, find a doctor who can help you pull him out on medical reason. Get a “W” on his transcript and regroup.

+1 This

[Anonymous]

I had to withdraw during my third year of college. I was depressed and tried to commit suicide. Don’t wait. Get help, withdraw from school and do everything you can to support him. When I returned to school, I had to start my third year over - but I had support in place at school (psychologist weekly, a support group, and was on medication). It took a while, but I got it together and felt like a new person a year later. He can recover, but don’t wait. Listen to him.

[Anonymous]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is interesting that this is happening in his third year. The first two years of engineering are a total grind and designed to wash people out. By the time you get to third year you are taking mostly classes in your major and while still hard they are usually more manageable as you tend to a) like the subject a lot more and b) they aren't trying to get rid of you. A break might be a great idea if you can swing it. Can he just take this semester off and return in the fall?

Exactly.