Unfair sibling treatment

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are about 2 years apart. My sister is very much my mother’s daughter. I’m more similar to my dad.

My mom is basically my sister’s biggest fan ... anything my sister posts on social media, she’s all over it. Proclaiming she’s “gorgeous” and how she’s “so proud of her”. My mom paid her bills for a couple years after college... and bought my sister a business that she ran for a few years that failed and she had to close, costing my my mom and dad a lot of money. Then my sister had a child, was a stay at home mom, and is now is a part time makeup artist.

Meanwhile, I graduated on time, got a job with a top architecture firm, moved out of state to a new city, received NO money while my sister got money from my parents. Which I’m fine to not get money because I had a job, but my sister was totally free loading and had everything paid for by my parents while I was struggling. Including for her, a super nice apartment in a great part of our hometown - she was not living at home with my parents.

I myself have had a child and have worked my way up, manage multi million dollar projects, make great money, design beautiful spaces... if I post anything on social media and there’s no response from my mom... maybe an occasional like.

It’s noticeable enough that mutual friends of myself and my sister have commented to me on the difference... I know I should probably just get over it but it hurts so bad. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Maybe your Mom is worried about your sister's lack of fortitude? Maybe in awe at what you've accomplished? Maybe your sister tags her on the FB posts?

[Anonymous]

My advice is to surround yourself with people who support you, and mourn not getting that support from your mom so you can move on from expecting it.

I also would consider blocking your mom from seeing your stuff.

[Anonymous]

That sucks OP. No advice on the mom front. However, I would put away the FB or at take it less seriously. Many a person has compared their likes with others and caused themselves misery. Unnecessary, unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Have you said anything to your mom? Why or why not? You could try - in a very low-key way "mom, sometimes I feel like you don't notice/me my things as much as Larla's." (you might learn she is really worried about Larla's failure to launch and is trying to artificially pump her up/give her confidence . . . but think you have made it and don't need the (puffed up) praise).

Also keep in mind that you would much rather be YOU (with all your successes and achievements) than her relying on mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Get off Facebook. No need to subject yourself.
Go to therapy to figure out how to have a conversation with your mom. This is clearly an issue you’ve been dealing with and have not let go. .
Please stop using myself incorrectly.

[Anonymous]

OP here... we’ve discussed it before and it’s not gone well. She’s very defensive and will not acknowledge anything,

If I block her, it’s going to cause WWIII. She’s super aggressive about this type of shit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... we’ve discussed it before and it’s not gone well. She’s very defensive and will not acknowledge anything,

If I block her, it’s going to cause WWIII. She’s super aggressive about this type of shit

I've been in your shoes OP. Don't talk to her about it, don't block her. Go see a therapist and see if you can mourn the relationship with your mom. Some women really do prefer daughters (my mom preferred my brother.) Good luck. Know it really hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... we’ve discussed it before and it’s not gone well. She’s very defensive and will not acknowledge anything,

If I block her, it’s going to cause WWIII. She’s super aggressive about this type of shit

I've been in your shoes OP. Don't talk to her about it, don't block her. Go see a therapist and see if you can mourn the relationship with your mom. Some women really do prefer daughters (my mom preferred my brother.) Good luck. Know it really hurts.

Thanks, I guess therapy is what I need?

PS I’m female and obviously so is my sister... it’s got nothing to do with gender

[Anonymous]

Op, often times the child who is NOT the spoiled favorite winds up doing better in life. You are a prime example of that. You are better off because you weren't spoiled. Thank your lucky stars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, often times the child who is NOT the spoiled favorite winds up doing better in life. You are a prime example of that. You are better off because you weren't spoiled. Thank your lucky stars.

Thanks for the validation... I am realizing that! But it still hurts so bad!!

My sister married “well” after years of my parents’ support. So now she has this “hobby” job and it’s so frustrating.

My husband and I together make way more than her husband and our house is half the cost. We are very conservative... and my parents make fun of us for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, often times the child who is NOT the spoiled favorite winds up doing better in life. You are a prime example of that. You are better off because you weren't spoiled. Thank your lucky stars.

Thanks for the validation... I am realizing that! But it still hurts so bad!!

My sister married “well” after years of my parents’ support. So now she has this “hobby” job and it’s so frustrating.

My husband and I together make way more than her husband and our house is half the cost. We are very conservative... and my parents make fun of us for it.

Would you trade places? All of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... we’ve discussed it before and it’s not gone well. She’s very defensive and will not acknowledge anything,

If I block her, it’s going to cause WWIII. She’s super aggressive about this type of shit

I've been in your shoes OP. Don't talk to her about it, don't block her. Go see a therapist and see if you can mourn the relationship with your mom. Some women really do prefer daughters (my mom preferred my brother.) Good luck. Know it really hurts.

My mother chased my brother's love. She'd do anything he asked. Craved his attention and supported him in everything. He walked on water, even after he abandoned her after my father became sick. I was the dutiful, high-achieving daughter throughout. Virginal, sober, and the caregiver.

She left me everything in the Will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... we’ve discussed it before and it’s not gone well. She’s very defensive and will not acknowledge anything,

If I block her, it’s going to cause WWIII. She’s super aggressive about this type of shit

I've been in your shoes OP. Don't talk to her about it, don't block her. Go see a therapist and see if you can mourn the relationship with your mom. Some women really do prefer daughters (my mom preferred my brother.) Good luck. Know it really hurts.

My mother chased my brother's love. She'd do anything he asked. Craved his attention and supported him in everything. He walked on water, even after he abandoned her after my father became sick. I was the dutiful, high-achieving daughter throughout. Virginal, sober, and the caregiver.

She left me everything in the Will.

That sounds pretty horrible. Your mom clearly had issues, but it isn't your brother's fault anymore than yours.

[Anonymous]

The squeaky wheel gets the oil.